Tag Archives: present

Stuck For Words: Supporting A Grieving Friend

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The loss of a loved one is one of the hardest things we go through as human beings. You can’t fathom the depth of pain and sadness without experiencing it firsthand. It’s also difficult watching a friend go through a bereavement. It’s natural to feel helpless and to worry about saying the wrong thing. You can’t bring their loved one back, but you can help them through the pain.

Stay In Touch

The important thing is to stay in touch. You may not know what to say, but don’t let that stop you from being present. Your friend is likely to feel hurt if you avoid her. Be honest and explain that you have no words. Tell her that you’re so sorry and that you’re there for her in any way she needs. Take a little token of your friendship, such as flowers or chocolate. This is not to make things better. It’s to show you care.

Don’t Be Afraid Of Tears

Your friend may cry, and that may be painful to watch. But tears are important. They are a way of releasing the painful feelings. Don’t run away and don’t try to make her stop. There are few greater acts of friendship than holding someone else’s pain.

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Practical Things

When someone dies, there are lots of practical things that need to be done. People need to be notified, and funeral preparations need to be made. Often this is overwhelming. Find out if there’s anything you can do to help. It may be little things like making phone calls. Or your friend may need help with sympathy and funeral flowers.

Sometimes asking what the person needs isn’t helpful. They may be inundated with offers and not know what to say. Therefore, suggesting ways in which you could help is an option. Food is always a good place to start. Even at the most difficult times we still need to eat. People will be visiting, and food may need to be provided. Preparing some meals is likely to be welcome.

Avoid Cliches

In difficult situations, it’s easy to reach for cliches. However, where grief is concerned, they are not always well received. If you have just lost someone you care about deeply, you don’t want to hear that they are in a better place. Or, that God only sends you things you can deal with. This is likely to provoke sadness and even anger. Keep it simple. Be honest and truthful. It’s better to acknowledge you don’t know what to say, rather than reaching for a cliche.

Don’t Tell Them What To Do

Everyone grieves differently. There is no right or wrong way of navigating bereavement. Everyone must find their own process. So don’t tell your friend she’s doing it wrong. Don’t tell her the ‘right way’ to do it. Let her experience this for herself and steer her own course.

Like grieving, there’s no right or wrong way to be there for someone. First and foremost, show up. Be honest if you don’t know what to say. Try to be helpful. And then take your cue from your friend. Listen to her and be there, in whatever way she needs you to be.

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Over-tiredness

For the last 3 weeks, I have AGAIN started to struggle with lack of sleep, and/or waking up at random hours of the night. Sometime between 2 and 3 AM seems to be a regular nowadays (even if I sleep after midnight… ugh!).

My body-clock is broken.

And despite this, I have to wake up 6AM latest during the week because I am in work at 7AM; less traffic and parking stress this way.

I have been trying to find a solution for my restless nights as I am becoming overtired now, and still for some reason, I don’t get a full night of sleep. Seems like I am stressed beyond repair.
– I exercise or go for a walk to get my body tired
– Don’t get all worked up and pissed off at people towards sleep time aka alone & quiet time
– Drink Camomile / Herbal tea – Maybe it is time to quit coffee all over again? (I only drink this in the mornings)
– Read before I sleep
– Listen to relaxing music
– Nice, long, bubbly, warm baths before bed

Seems like that none of this is helping, even if I do a combination of two or more.

The more I think about it, the worse it gets.

I am getting frustrated and annoyed, and I can’t figure out a way forward.

Wish I could switch off my brain and my feelings for a few hours a day… Maybe that would do the trick… But I guess I am not a cyborg (half human half machine), so that cannot happen effortlessly.

Rant done.
Over and out.

Christmas Time… ♫

holly
“Christmas time, mistletoe and wine
Children singing Christian rhyme
With logs on the fire and gifts on the tree
A time to rejoice in the good that we see” ♫

 

Yes, it is Christmas time… and yes I do tend to indulge on some extra ̶w̶i̶n̶e̶ ̶  mulled wine at this time of the year… Unfortunately no mistletoe here, as I won’t be spending my Christmas with a special someone; but rather with my family and friends… which is still good none the less.

The plan is to go out at around 10PM for a few drinks and chatter on Christmas Eve  and then off with my mates for the early Christmas Breakfast. For those not in the know, it usually is a continental and English breakfast buffet and this is quite a popular way to start off Christmas day in Malta. Afterwards, it is resting time and then at noon I’m off to lunch with the family. Luckily this time round we are not going to cook ourselves, which means that I will have enough time (!) to charge my batteries after the night out.

Once that is over, I am hoping to make mulled wine and teas at home, and soon after all the family opens gifts from each other. Usually this is quite fun as we leave the presents as a surprise so we have no clue on what we are getting, unless the gift wrapping shape is too obvious, such as when the gift is a bottle of alcohol.

How will you spend Christmas this year?

Wishing all my readers a lovely Christmas with lots of smiles, hugs and beautiful experiences. May you get all you wish for… and more! X

Of Paranoia and Disbelief

One of my worst habits, or shall I dare say defects that I personally dislike in myself is being paranoid.

After being lied to time and time again, a part of me automatically starts thinking of the worst in people, or in situations.

Lets take the following example; My life has been rather decent for a couple of days. Upon realising this, I start getting worried. I am damn aware that this won’t last a lifetime. That something bad is about to crop up and ruin my happiness. BAM! Paranoia switches on and I start looking for the next thing to go bad.
At this point, I will start making lists in my head without even knowing. It’s like 50% of my RAM (or, brain cells) are invested in this. So, from the people close to my heart, who will disappoint me next? Is there one who is ignoring me, or not ever taking the initiative to get in contact with me? Why is he doing this? What have I done? Am I not good enough? I would start thinking this, and try to hide my emotions from them, as if I don’t care on what I think is going on. I’d become “cold”, answer “in short”, appear to be lost in thoughts, preoccupied or unavailable for them. Sometimes, my conclusions cannot even be justified by a decent reason. Lets say, I saw person X online, this person read my message and didn’t get back to me. Or person Y who usually meets me once a week, has been ignoring me completely. And all the above starts going through my head over and over again… So much so, that it deprives me from sleeping and in the morning, I am not only tired, but still thinking about this. Most of the time this happens for days on end.

Although my paranoia is justified because of all the crap I have gone through in past experiences, I must admit, that my brain takes me to places, I never wish existed.

So, if you know a person who suffers from the same thing as I do, let’s just say, if we are bothering you, or you have something to say to us, you are better off being blunt, to the point and just blurt it out. After all, once we cross to the bad side, no excuse will be good enough for your behaviour; You are always better off with being upfront!
In conclusion, nothing good can come out of paranoia, and it could get as bad as we just ignore you for the rest of our lives, with no explanation given. After all, in our head, we believe that you are doing the same to us, or even worse.

//end of rant.

Inspirational BlogPost: Meet Otu, a guy of many talents

Sometimes, there is no better way in getting inspiration than watching a couple of YouTube videos to help you feel better, man up and keep moving forward in life.

Today, I will share with you the person who made me smile yesterday, and who has made me realise that I should keep persisting in getting what I want, and make my dreams come true.

 Meet Otu, a guy of many talents
Credit: Youtube/ Otu Channel

The name is Olli Suurmunne from Finland. He owns his own YouTube channel by the name ‘Otu Channel’. This guy has a disability; He was born with a deformed left hand.. yet he is able to do more than an average person does or achieves in a lifetime.

Why?

Because he never saw his defected hand as an obstacle. He works hard, and he has positive results.

He can play the keyboard, guitar, he sings, solves the rubic’s cube in under a minute… he makes amazing digital artwork… He designs, composes and makes games.

Without further ado, this video is what made my heart pounding, what inspired me:

And this is a fun video of the guy singing and impersonating various well known singers:

One of his bands, where he does guitars, vocals (clean, throat singing):


Ending this blog post with Otu’s own words: “Keep your head high and keep chasing those dreams of yours because I’m sure as hell, will be chasing mine.”

More info on his blog: Olli Suurmunne

Where have the eligible bachelors gone?

I am quite a sociable person, and I get introduced to a considerable amount of people of the male gender; some face to face, others over the internet. I must say that the amount of interesting guys is decreasing time and again. I guess this issue is not just with the guys, but also with the gals.

As a person, even though I need to find the guy attractive physically, I think that what is the most important for me is intelligence. Yes I am a Sapiosexual. I love a guy who can talk on various subjects, who can hold a conversation; someone who I can learn a thing or two from. This on top of a guy being fun and funny, and who can make me laugh about the silliest of things, yet he can be mature when the situation requires it. I hate it when I have to mother a guy… I’m looking for a partner in crime. A guy who can live in the moment but can think about the future.
(Then comes the obvious ‘honest, loyal, truthful..’ characteristics, but that’s a given)

know what I want.
Thing is, how many guys out there know what they want?
And out of those, how many would meet my basic requirements?
I wonder… Am I asking for too much?

It’s not like I am asking for a top model millionaire who owns Bran Castle, a beach house and a cabin by the lake in the middle of nowhere.

I wonder…

Sometimes, I wonder why I used to spend time with certain people, even when they gave me so much shit….
Is it perhaps, because I did not love myself enough, or is it because I was in love with the idea of someone?

I wonder…

We love heartbreak, and we love putting it on ourselves. We’re more nostalgic for things that never happened than we are grateful and present in the things that are. We start missing things we never had, that we just created in our minds, in this false, alter-reality.

Brianna Wiest

The Importance of Storage Space

So yesterday, I came to another conclusion. Women in general think more than men; they plan, and they think ahead about the future, and what they might need then.

This all came up, while I was doing one of the things I enjoy doing the most at the moment; Thinking about how I will set up my rooms. After I finish up the courtyard this summer (provided that I manage to save up the money required for it), I will get started on my living room.vintage

While wanting it to be appealing and comfortable, I am thinking ahead about how to best handle the lack of storage space in my house (at least, until I renovate the cellar).

I have been looking about possible nice looking, vintage/classic style storage spaces,  and coming up with ideas on sofas with storage spaces as well as an awesome TV cabinet, with book shelves and cupboards.
As soon as I mentioned this to a good friend of mine, he started teasing me about being women, and our ‘things’; the walk-in wardrobe, extra cupboards, racks, wall mounts; you name it… He mentioned, how we all want this, but for him a garage is just enough. He made it sound like something is wrong with us for wanting this. I think, men do not understand that we we are not just thinking about the present, but also about the future. Sure an extra storage space might not be required right about now, but what about in a couple of year’s time? If you don’t plan your furniture right, you might end up having to change your furniture to accommodate more storage space, or add up another piece of unmatching furniture which could have been avoided if thought out properly.