Tag Archives: thoughtful

Stuck For Words: Supporting A Grieving Friend

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The loss of a loved one is one of the hardest things we go through as human beings. You can’t fathom the depth of pain and sadness without experiencing it firsthand. It’s also difficult watching a friend go through a bereavement. It’s natural to feel helpless and to worry about saying the wrong thing. You can’t bring their loved one back, but you can help them through the pain.

Stay In Touch

The important thing is to stay in touch. You may not know what to say, but don’t let that stop you from being present. Your friend is likely to feel hurt if you avoid her. Be honest and explain that you have no words. Tell her that you’re so sorry and that you’re there for her in any way she needs. Take a little token of your friendship, such as flowers or chocolate. This is not to make things better. It’s to show you care.

Don’t Be Afraid Of Tears

Your friend may cry, and that may be painful to watch. But tears are important. They are a way of releasing the painful feelings. Don’t run away and don’t try to make her stop. There are few greater acts of friendship than holding someone else’s pain.

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Practical Things

When someone dies, there are lots of practical things that need to be done. People need to be notified, and funeral preparations need to be made. Often this is overwhelming. Find out if there’s anything you can do to help. It may be little things like making phone calls. Or your friend may need help with sympathy and funeral flowers.

Sometimes asking what the person needs isn’t helpful. They may be inundated with offers and not know what to say. Therefore, suggesting ways in which you could help is an option. Food is always a good place to start. Even at the most difficult times we still need to eat. People will be visiting, and food may need to be provided. Preparing some meals is likely to be welcome.

Avoid Cliches

In difficult situations, it’s easy to reach for cliches. However, where grief is concerned, they are not always well received. If you have just lost someone you care about deeply, you don’t want to hear that they are in a better place. Or, that God only sends you things you can deal with. This is likely to provoke sadness and even anger. Keep it simple. Be honest and truthful. It’s better to acknowledge you don’t know what to say, rather than reaching for a cliche.

Don’t Tell Them What To Do

Everyone grieves differently. There is no right or wrong way of navigating bereavement. Everyone must find their own process. So don’t tell your friend she’s doing it wrong. Don’t tell her the ‘right way’ to do it. Let her experience this for herself and steer her own course.

Like grieving, there’s no right or wrong way to be there for someone. First and foremost, show up. Be honest if you don’t know what to say. Try to be helpful. And then take your cue from your friend. Listen to her and be there, in whatever way she needs you to be.

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What women look for in a man

This is just my point of view here, so agree to disagree ;p

Honesty / Loyalty
To me, if you are not honest and loyal, you might as well call it quits. Truth be told, at one point I’m going to find out, so you are better off giving up already. Never lie, no matter how bad the situation is, and there is no other option than expressing your true feelings. If you are not ready to commit, just be sincere about it and don’t give the wrong impression.
Honesty is the best policy as it works.
Be faithful.

Intelligence 
They say, that physical attraction is important, which is true. But going out with your partner solely for that reason is very shallow. I find intelligence as a huge turn on. I love  it when a man is able to talk about his experiences and subjects which I am not familiar with; like I can learn something from him, and we are not just talking for the sake of not being silent.

Sense of Humour 
If a man can’t make me laugh, and if I don’t feel like I can be silly (myself) around him, I don’t think there’s much of a future in that relationship. Having the same sense of humour would be the cherry on the cake :o)

Confidence
Not in the sense that you think that you are a God sent to women, but in the sense that you act on your promises, knowing what you want in life.
Nothing is sexier than a man who is decisive and goes after what he wants.

Self Security
If you cannot love yourself, and if you are not willing to work on yourself to fulfill your life and your dreams… How can I expect you to love and respect me?

Chivalry 
As much as us women want to be equal to our partner, I’d say that from time to time, it is lovely for a man to go the extra mile and for instance, open the door for their lady, or take off her jacket, just for the sake of being nice.
Chivalry is only dead if you want it to be dead.

The ability to listen
Sometimes, all we want is someone to listen. Forget about logic, just listen to us, without trying to find a solution to everything. Listening is caring. Just hold our hand, and hold us, while we pour our heart out

Romance
Well, isn’t it romance that keeps a relationship alive?
I’ve always been into guys who are masculine, however I think that every woman loves to be swept off her feet; that a man is not embarrassed to show off his love and desire for his woman.
Personally, I’d find these things irresistible.

Help in household
Ok, this might sound lame… but in the 21st century both the man and the woman work to make ends meet, which means that both of them should do the dishes, cleaning, cooking etc. Plus, I love it when a man can cook.

Considerate
Being thoughtful is important for many reasons. We all love the idea of being called or texted randomly during the day, just to be reminded that we are being missed…. Or perhaps, being surprised by a bouquet of flowers, or find a meal ready when we go back home. Not just this, being considerate means, not make plans without the other knowing, unless of course it is a surprise 😉