Tag Archives: cry

My articles / researches, My Life, Steffi Says

Coping With The Unfathomable Unfairness Of Loss

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When we lose a loved one, it can be like finding yourself in an emotional maelstrom. At first, shock can keep you from feeling anything besides on edge. We expect to feel the floodgates open and a lot of sadness but there is also anger and frustration. It can feel incredibly unfair, and that feeling can fester inside us, driving us to bad habits and real emotional health problems that can hard to break from. Here are a few ways that we can start to cope with the uglier side of loss.

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Take some time but don’t shut yourself away

If you’re not very used to opening yourself up, you might want to not appear so vulnerable before others. What’s more, you might feel like you’re surrounded by people following a loss and you simply have no time to think. If you need a break, ask for one and take time to yourself. However, your friends can be a great source of strength. Find someone you trust and talk out your emotions. Being unable to express them can make you unable to process them too. Even if your friend isn’t sure how they can help, having someone listen can be a great deal of help.

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Find what closure you can

If a loss is left without addressing the cause at all, it can make you feel particularly helpless. This happens, in particular, if it was someone else’s fault. If someone is responsible, then holding them to account with help of services like the Law Office of William W. Hurst, LLC can genuinely help. Money will never make up for a loss so deeply and keenly felt. However, ensuring that the right parties are held responsible can make it feel like they haven’t simply gotten away with it. You can have some closure and know that you got justice for your loved one. Otherwise, that injustice might weigh on your mind for a long time.

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Celebrate their life in your own way

Funerals and memorials are important ceremonies for processing the loss of a loved one, as well as celebrating their life. However, for those closest to them, it can feel incomplete. You may not be able to have the emotional closure you need or to feel like you have had a personal goodbye with such a public procedure. In that case, consider having your own memorial for them. You can follow some of the suggestions at Usurns Online, such as planting a tree for them or creating a keepsake pack for them. Others may choose to wear something in remembrance or even get a tattoo. Making your own memorial for them can make it feel like you’ve done a little more to honor them and to keep their memory living in your own mind.

Losing a loved one always feels cruel, unjustified, and unfair. However, it’s important that we take care of ourselves and not lose ourselves in our worst thoughts. Grieving isn’t easy, nor does it feel particularly good even when you’re on the other side. But we can do real harm to ourselves if we dwell.

 

Lessons Learned, My articles / researches, Steffi Says

Stuck For Words: Supporting A Grieving Friend

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The loss of a loved one is one of the hardest things we go through as human beings. You can’t fathom the depth of pain and sadness without experiencing it firsthand. It’s also difficult watching a friend go through a bereavement. It’s natural to feel helpless and to worry about saying the wrong thing. You can’t bring their loved one back, but you can help them through the pain.

Stay In Touch

The important thing is to stay in touch. You may not know what to say, but don’t let that stop you from being present. Your friend is likely to feel hurt if you avoid her. Be honest and explain that you have no words. Tell her that you’re so sorry and that you’re there for her in any way she needs. Take a little token of your friendship, such as flowers or chocolate. This is not to make things better. It’s to show you care.

Don’t Be Afraid Of Tears

Your friend may cry, and that may be painful to watch. But tears are important. They are a way of releasing the painful feelings. Don’t run away and don’t try to make her stop. There are few greater acts of friendship than holding someone else’s pain.

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Practical Things

When someone dies, there are lots of practical things that need to be done. People need to be notified, and funeral preparations need to be made. Often this is overwhelming. Find out if there’s anything you can do to help. It may be little things like making phone calls. Or your friend may need help with sympathy and funeral flowers.

Sometimes asking what the person needs isn’t helpful. They may be inundated with offers and not know what to say. Therefore, suggesting ways in which you could help is an option. Food is always a good place to start. Even at the most difficult times we still need to eat. People will be visiting, and food may need to be provided. Preparing some meals is likely to be welcome.

Avoid Cliches

In difficult situations, it’s easy to reach for cliches. However, where grief is concerned, they are not always well received. If you have just lost someone you care about deeply, you don’t want to hear that they are in a better place. Or, that God only sends you things you can deal with. This is likely to provoke sadness and even anger. Keep it simple. Be honest and truthful. It’s better to acknowledge you don’t know what to say, rather than reaching for a cliche.

Don’t Tell Them What To Do

Everyone grieves differently. There is no right or wrong way of navigating bereavement. Everyone must find their own process. So don’t tell your friend she’s doing it wrong. Don’t tell her the ‘right way’ to do it. Let her experience this for herself and steer her own course.

Like grieving, there’s no right or wrong way to be there for someone. First and foremost, show up. Be honest if you don’t know what to say. Try to be helpful. And then take your cue from your friend. Listen to her and be there, in whatever way she needs you to be.

Crazy Outbursts, My Life, Steffi Says

Connections

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When it comes to a relationship; be it a romantic relationship, friendship, family etc, I think that the most important thing is consistency.

In the sense, that I expect a sense of honesty and loyalty. A sense of openness and support, without the need of asking them for it. Because, if these people do not know you, if these people cannot figure you out, who will?

If you don’t receive some kind of general interest from them regarding your life and your well being, I think it is worrying. Not caring about one another, is the first step in disbanding whatever relationship there is amongst the two of you.

I am no counselor, but I think that I have enough experience to determine whether a boat is sinking or not. And if I point this out to you, don’t get insulted; I do this because I belief you are too important for me to lose you, and I am worried that if we keep doing what we are doing the consequences are not in our favour.

I am a very selective person, so if you are part of my life, a part of my inner circle; please  know you are irreplaceable, and I will do my utmost to see you happy.

Crazy Outbursts, My articles / researches, My Life, Steffi Says

I’ll be there for you…

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It seems that in the past few years, several people who I used to know or I was at school with, have decided to give up. They have realised that it is time, they’d let their struggles win, and simply let go of their physical life.

The news I read today, has devastated me.

It just makes me realise how fragile we are… How people can appear like they are having the time of their life from the outside, yet they feel dead inside; empty.
I can speak from experience when I say, that some of us can hide their feelings very well from the society we live in, and only break down when alone, in a safe place. I guess, it is difficult to admit that we are weak, in the fear of being ridiculed or shut down, when we show our true feelings. Experiencing neglect and being misunderstood is definitely much worse than feeling sad and insecure in your own head.

But this is our problem. If we don’t admit defeat, if we don’t ask for help… how do we get better? How can we win a fight we are not even trying to battle?

Moreover, if it is not you, but a friend of yours, how would you manage to detect their depression, insecurities and concerns? How can you help them, without making them admit they are suffering and going downhill?

I keep wondering, if someone knew what was going on, maybe the death could have been prevented? If someone cared enough, offered a cushion or a shoulder, tried to understand… Maybe the world could lose less people to suicide.

My Poems, Steffi Says

Pain without Love

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When your heart is in sorrow
Breaking –
Colliding into nothingness

When you feel like all hope
is shattered –
Drunk out of control

When you risked it all
so, vulnerable
from happiness to numbness

Save me –
Repeat

 

________________________________________
//By Steffi – 2016.06.01

My Poems, Steffi Says

It’s ok now…

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The sky was crying
hiding away my tears.
It was ok to weep now
no one will see.

Inside, I’m broken
Inside, I’m empty
Without you, I’m nothing
But for you, I was no one.

All the sacrifices,
All I wanted for us,
For you, insignificant
I was just another girl.

There was no point in us,
I was blind.
Treated you as my king,
my everything.

You and I
no longer are,
no longer will be
we are history.

______________________
By Steffi ~
This is not my current situation. I am merely depicting a painful story.

Crazy Outbursts, My Life, Steffi Says

Restless nights and its atrocities

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What I refer to dreams in this article are the ones you actually get while you are asleep, not the other kind which I aspire to reach in the coming days, months or years.

I am not one who dreams a lot, or maybe I do… but I don’t remember them… not even briefly; Except when I have a nightmare.

In real life, we tend to remember or focus more on the bad stuff rather than what is going well and what makes us happy. It tends to be easier to remember how someone has hurt us, rather than the many times they managed to put a smile on our face.

And it seems like when it comes to dreams, my brain tends to highlight the bad stuff too. Not only that, but I manage to wake up at ungodly hours, become annoyed about what made me have such a nightmare, and as soon as I fall asleep with the hopes that the dream ends there, it ironically continues right were it paused earlier. The HORROR!

Because having a restless night is not enough, I end up in a bad mood and wonder why I dreamt this. Although I do not believe that dreams mean something in particular, sometimes I wonder if my nightmares are trying to indicate something wrong with my life.

 

 

My articles / researches, People worth Remembering, Steffi Says

The world will NEVER forget

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I have tried, to write something on what has happened this Friday in Paris, and what has happened on Thursday in Beirut, but I have realised that no words of mine would be enough.

Until, today I stumbled on the words of Isobel Bowdery, a 22-year-old who was at the rock concert in Bataclan in Paris. Here, is what she had to say, after the ordeal she had to endure, with other hundreds of people, of which some did not make it out alive;

“you never think it will happen to you. It was just a friday night at a rock show. the atmosphere was so happy and everyone was dancing and smiling. and then when the men came through the front entrance and began the shooting, we naiively believed it was all part of the show. It wasn’t just a terrorist attack, it was a massacre. Dozens of people were shot right infront of me. Pools of blood filled the floor. Cries of grown men who held their girlfriends dead bodies pierced the small music venue. Futures demolished, families heartbroken. in an instant. Shocked and alone, I pretended to be dead for over an hour, lying among people who could see their loved ones motionless.. Holding my breath, trying to not move, not cry – not giving those men the fear they longed to see. I was incredibly lucky to survive. But so many didn’t. The people who had been there for the exact same reasons as I – to have a fun friday night were innocent. This world is cruel. And acts like this are suppose to highlight the depravity of humans and the images of those men circuling us like vultures will haunt me for the rest of my life. The way they meticoulsy aimed at shot people around the standing area i was in the centre of without any consideration for human life. It didn’t feel real. i expected any moment for someone to say it was just a nightmare. But being a survivor of this horror lets me able to shed light on the heroes. To the man who reassured me and put his life on line to try and cover my brain whilst i whimpered, to the couple whose last words of love kept me believing the good in the world, to the police who succeded in rescuing hundreds of people, to the complete strangers who picked me up from the road and consoled me during the 45 minutes I truly believed the boy i loved was dead, to the injured man who i had mistaken for him and then on my recognition that he was not Amaury, held me and told me everything was going to be fine despite being all alone and scared himself, to the woman who opened her doors to the survivors, to the friend who offered me shelter and went out to buy new clothes so i wouldnt have to wear this blood stained top, to all of you who have sent caring messages of support – you make me believe this world has the potential to be better. to never let this happen again. but most of this is to the 80 people who were murdered inside that venue, who weren’t as lucky, who didnt get to wake up today and to all the pain that their friends and families are going through. I am so sorry. There’s nothing that will fix the pain. I feel priviledged to be there for their last breaths. And truly beliving that I would join them, I promise that their last thoughts were not on the animals who caused all this. It was thinking of the people they loved. As i lay down in the blood of strangers and waiting for my bullet to end my mere 22 years, I envisioned every face that I have ever loved and whispered I love you. over and over again. reflecting on the highlights of my life. Wishing that those i love knew just how much, wishing that they knew that no matter what happened to me, to keep belieivng in the good in people. to not let those men win. Last night, the lives of many were forever changed and it is up to us to be better people. to live lives that the innocent victims of this tragedy dreamt about but sadly will now never be able to fulfil. RIP angels. You will never be forgotten.”

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No words were edited. Sharing them here is out of respect and a way to remember what has happened… As yet again, this is a tragedy which the whole of Europe and the rest of the world will not forget.

RIP to the lives lost.

Crazy Outbursts, My Life, Steffi Says

Happy Birthday to me!

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I eagerly waited for church bells to ring at midnight, as I was worried that I will age a year in an instance. No, not really; that is what I thought when I was a kid anyway… but now, I do not believe in this crap anymoreIMG_20151016_122108-01… Same with massive celebrations, when in reality, we get older everyday… and those who love us and care about us, should not wait for this day to appreciate us.

This year, I decided that I won’t bother with organising any birthday event or get-together. I decided I want to spend it with myself. In my own company; Take a drive, enjoy nature… whether it rains or shines. Maybe read a book and sip a glass of wine, then an easy afternoon with my cats.

It has been a busy and rather rough year, but I can’t say I didn’t have fun;

  • I made some new decent friends
  • I am trying to maintain friendships which are worthwhile. You know who you are!
  • I finally made a dream come true, by watching AC/DC live
  • I have also made it to Cardiff and finally saw all things Doctor Who.
  • I kept in track with fixing the house, although there is still more to maintain and make my house a home…
  • I am still writing on here, which is a good thing too. I find that writing things down help me deal with things better.
  • I’ve drank countless bottles of wine, and laughed uncontrollably.
  • I’ve survived another year with two lovely deviled cats
  • I’ve managed to get rid of some people who only contact me when they need a favour or they are bored with their lives
  • I’ve made plans to visit North Wales, and it will happen in a month’s time
  • I have upgraded my phone to my beloved Samsung s6; fancy pants I know
  • Although it is hard for me to finish off a book, this year I have managed to read quite a few. The problem is that it is difficult to find a book which keeps me intrigued
  • I have realised my passion for photography is here to stay, and traveling is the key to my happiness and relaxation
  • Explored more around the island thanks to my new SatNav

I have also learned a few lessons:

  • I have learned to love myself and to respect myself, as I am in the end the only constant in my life
  • It is my life, and i won’t let anyone make me feel that I am doing it wrong. My life, my choices… No one knows what’s best for me better than I do
  • Don’t judge people, even if you were in their shoes
  • Complaining and not acting on it gets you nowhere
  • Don’t let anyone use you for their personal gain

Overall, I feel that I managed to confront most of the challenges thrown in my face with positivity and a dash of panic. I think I did well, but I hope that I keep growing into a strong achievement oriented person as years go by 🙂

Thank you to those of you who stood by me, and pissed me off to no end so that I strive to get better and better at what I do.

Enough now, see you soon!

Love,
The 27 28-year old X

My articles / researches, My Life, Steffi Says

The Loudest Silent Conversation

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There’s this video going around at the moment on social media, and it made me think. Does true love ever dies? If, we part ways with the best love we have ever had, what happens then?

This is the story of two artists; Marina and Ulay who broke up in the 1970s. As a tribute to their relationship back then, they went to the opposite side of the Wall of China, and walked towards each other for one last hug… one last embrace. After 30 years of being apart, Ulay makes his way into Marina’s life during one of her art performances. Watch what happens then….

…It makes you think, don’t you think?