Category Archives: Crazy Outbursts

Malta iGaming Excellence Awards

I have been meaning to come back and blog, but April has been a hectic month with lots of travel plans and other adventures. I have visited Romania with my bestie Mirka and Denmark with partner. Photos can be seen on my Instagram. Please give me a follow here.

However, the main reason I am writing today, is because the company I work for is being recognised for all the hard work that it has been doing in the last number of years. Very well deserved if you ask me (but I may be a little bit biased!).

During the Malta iGaming Excellence Awards last Friday the 5th of May, Quasar Limited took home 4 awards:
– Malta’s Best iGaming Company of the Year
– Malta’s Best Employer Brand
– Malta’s iGaming Ambassador of the Year
– Malta’s Best Affiliate Manager of the Year

Malta iGaming Excellence Awards.jpg
This, not only makes me proud of the decision I made last year to leave my previous employer, but also makes me happy in being part of such an outstanding company. It is kind of funny, that not many people who work in the iGaming industry are familiar with Quasar because clearly, it is currently the ideal place to work.

Please watch out for careers with Quasar in this space, alternatively PM me if you’d like me to refer you. 😉

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Take the leap

I have probably wrote about this topic about a gazillion times, but hey ho… I am trying to understand myself better… and at the same time I am wondering if it is just me who’s like this, or whether it is something which is more common than I realise.

I am the kind of person, who puts others before her; be it their needs, their happiness… you name it. I try to always be there, to listen, to help, to support, to give others my two cents. To help them on their way to goodness, fulfillment… joy to the world they say!

And in return, I neglect myself. I put myself through shit.. through disappointment, through pain… just in the name of seeing others doing better. No, I don’t regret being there for friends, I love putting a smile on people’s  faces. But what about me?

Yes, what about me?

Okay, I don’t want to sound selfish… but this is definitely not right. I feel stressed, worn out… at times beyond repair.

My guess is, I am the problem.

I need to learn how to let go…. let go of people and things which are bad for me, who don’t deserve half the time and attention I give them. I need to stop people from abusing my generosity. I need to learn to be okay with just being me, and in my own company and shoes.

I should stop hiding behind other people’s problems and dive into fixing what is wrong with my life and myself. I have been here before, I take on more than I can keep up with, just so I don’t have to think about what needs to get done in my life; to stop focusing on what I am scared to face… to stop working on my dreams, just because I am scared to fail… yet again.

I know that, everything I want is on the other side of fear.

So, why can’t I take the leap?

I know what I want, so why do I do this to myself? Why do I punish myself so much?

More on this topic, here.

 

Things a’changing

There are days, when I question things about my life, and my choices. Today has been one of these forsaken days. Actually, I have been at it since 3AM, but that is beyond my point.

I was thinking about back in 2011, when I had my first Christmas alone, living far away from my family, friends, and on top of that, in another country – How courageous was I, to take such a big leap, leaving everything and everyone behind!

Before then, I have never lived alone, and I had no idea about the kind of responsibility and effort it entails to live and make ends meet at the end of the day, and month when all bills came crawling up. I have done a great job, and learned a lot from this experience.

When I have moved back to Malta, I was not willing to move back with the family, as I enjoyed my independent life too much to let go of it. So much so, that within a year of renting, I purchased my own property.

Although this made sense financially, this has indirectly tied me to this country without even realising at the time. Now that I have settled down in such a “grown up” lifestyle, it seems to me that I have become more self conscious when taking decisions. And I shall give you an example. This week, I was meant to travel, but my plans fell apart, and I have decided to give up the holiday based on two reasons:
1. I should not travel alone at night
2. Accommodation has risen up in price (it also being Christmas holidays, and included NYE), and a last minute purchase would have costed me my entire savings for my holiday.

If I did not have my house to worry about, and if I were not such a wuss, I would be in the UK right now, enjoying cold weather, possibly fog and snow, and beautiful beautiful scenery. How silly am I? Where has all my self confidence gone? What has tarnished my spirit in such a way?

And if you are wondering why I wrote this and why I am sharing this with my readers, it is because I want to be able to read this whenever I need to, so I do not repeat such thing ever again. And also, to try to keep reminding myself that not all my decisions in the past years have been as bad.

Now to try and live life guilt free… and keep moving forward… >>>

Dreams… are they an indication of truth?

Are you familiar with waking up just around 10 minutes before your alarm goes off? You do your best to sleep again, as if your life depends on it.

It is during these few minutes that I get the most vivid of dreams. Often than not, dreams that will shaken me for the rest of the day.

Today, it was one of them days.

It felt so real that I woke up with tears on my face.

Do you believe that dreams are meaningful? Do you think that there is a little truth in every dream…? Is it an indication of what will happen in the near future? Is it just your insecurities and worst nightmares manifesting when you are trying to get a few hours of rest?

I for one, hope not.

Car-Rant

Are you familiar with those days when you are extremely happy, like so happy, you could die? I have had a good number of those in a row. So much so that they freak me out. I believe that for every action there’s an opposite and equal reaction… Meaning, that for every day I am excessively happy, I have a pile of shit waiting for me around the corner.

Boy was I right.

It all started with a slow puncture. Then, my car key decided to stop working on the driver’s side (it still works on passenger’s door, so I have been able to make due until I figure out where I need to take my car to fix this). Yesterday I woke up feeling poorly, and my allergies so bad that I could barely see from one of my eyes, and it would not stop watering! It also was a rainy day; so much so that I do not recall hearing it stop at all during the day. This morning, since I am being ultra-paranoid about everything, I decided to go check on my car. Slow puncture again, and water inside my car. Lovely. As if that is not enough, I learned that the slow puncture is not due to the tyre’s fault but due to the car’s rim. So, 2 days – 3 mishaps.

If this was not my real-life story, I would laugh so much – I mean, this could turn out to be quite the comedy plot.

Dear God, I hope this is enough for now. I have to figure out how to sort all these things out, on top of being in work 9 hours a day. What makes it worse is that I have no clue on how to even begin! I guess, it would have made things easier if I had a man in my life…. Although the feminist in me wants me to chill and take it one step at a time… at least when it happens again (hopefully not), I’ll know what to do. >_>

PS. Why was I so eager to grow up?

Over-tiredness

For the last 3 weeks, I have AGAIN started to struggle with lack of sleep, and/or waking up at random hours of the night. Sometime between 2 and 3 AM seems to be a regular nowadays (even if I sleep after midnight… ugh!).

My body-clock is broken.

And despite this, I have to wake up 6AM latest during the week because I am in work at 7AM; less traffic and parking stress this way.

I have been trying to find a solution for my restless nights as I am becoming overtired now, and still for some reason, I don’t get a full night of sleep. Seems like I am stressed beyond repair.
– I exercise or go for a walk to get my body tired
– Don’t get all worked up and pissed off at people towards sleep time aka alone & quiet time
– Drink Camomile / Herbal tea – Maybe it is time to quit coffee all over again? (I only drink this in the mornings)
– Read before I sleep
– Listen to relaxing music
– Nice, long, bubbly, warm baths before bed

Seems like that none of this is helping, even if I do a combination of two or more.

The more I think about it, the worse it gets.

I am getting frustrated and annoyed, and I can’t figure out a way forward.

Wish I could switch off my brain and my feelings for a few hours a day… Maybe that would do the trick… But I guess I am not a cyborg (half human half machine), so that cannot happen effortlessly.

Rant done.
Over and out.

Hate Mail

You know you are doing a fantastic job with your blog when amongst your website mail, you start receiving hate mail, or better known as jealous mail.

And you know what? How insecure and pathetic can you be, to send over 3 separate mails  one after the other, in a matter of 4 minutes,without the decency of signing them with your own name and contact details? Clearly, the person who has issues, is the person who hides behind a computer and a fake name. Need I say more?

hm.pngAnd to answer your question; yes, I do screen my comments on this page, and this is for a few reasons:

1. Believe it or not, I receive a lot of spam

2. I do not tolerate ignorant people who either try to:

  • Make fun of what I have said, coming into their own conclusions without verifying if it is true with me first
  • Try to troll others who reply to my blog post

I respect everyone who spends some of their precious time to reply to my articles, and I don’t mind being criticised or challenged but obviously, it needs to be in a constructive manner and not done immaturely. I do research what I write about, unless I am writing about a personal experience, but I am only human and I can be wrong at times.

Kindly also bare in mind, that replying to my comments or emailing me disrespectfully may result into a harassment case and I take these matters seriously.

Having said that, all publicity is good publicity; So, THANK YOU 😉

A Step Back

There are those people in your life, who bring out the best in you.
There are others, who just make you mad and question life itself.

Some of the two kinds, inspire me in the best ways.

Finally, I have found my mojo*.
Finally, I can put onto paper what I have held in for so long…

This week, has made me look back, and wonder… When was the last time I was really happy? When was the last time, I felt wanted, needed? When was the last time someone has made me feel important?

The answer is, I can’t remember.

It is true, that when  we are happy, and we are feeling all the positive vibes and the love around us, we fail to take note of it. We take it for granted, just because it is there; we have, we own it.

Some people come into your life, and immediately fit in. It feels like they have been there all along. But what you don’t realise is, that suddenly your life has more purpose. Like, a certain part of you which you forgot all about (willingly or unwillingly) is whole again. You wonder, how you have let yourself rot like this, and accept what is being thrown at you with arms wide open. Why are we patient and forgiving of undeserving people? chivalryWhy do we make ourselves believe that everything is okay when it is not?

What has happened to romance? On being blunt, and saying all that you feel inside? On making memories, and holding on to them for dear life? How can we be okay with the fact that chivalry no longer exists? I for one, would love to be swept off my feet.

*mojo: a power that may seem magical and that allows someone to be very effective, successful, etc.

Men men men men, manly men men men! ♫

I have a very particular taste when it comes to men.

Surely and truly, I like them taller than me, with long hair and a beard (Disclaimer: I liked beards way before they came into fashion!). Ideally creative, with a romantic side and lots of wanderlust. Someone who knows what he wants, and he is not afraid to fight for it. But what really attracts me is intelligence, especially when it comes with an accent. Although not a necessity, a great accent makes me all tingly inside. I know it sounds silly, but to each their own right?

I guess it all goes hand in hand with the fact that my choice in men tends to be from foreign lands, be it expats or from afar.

I suppose, from previous experiences, I know it ain’t easy. Maintaining a relationship with so much distance in between is a challenge not everyone can keep up with or appreciate. However, getting to see each other after a month or two is so lovely and exciting, that it makes you forget all those days you spent apart.

As long as you know that there is a future;
A future which will involve seeing each other the last thing before we sleep, and the first thing when we wake up.

If you catch my drift…

 

Connections

When it comes to a relationship; be it a romantic relationship, friendship, family etc, I think that the most important thing is consistency.

In the sense, that I expect a sense of honesty and loyalty. A sense of openness and support, without the need of asking them for it. Because, if these people do not know you, if these people cannot figure you out, who will?

If you don’t receive some kind of general interest from them regarding your life and your well being, I think it is worrying. Not caring about one another, is the first step in disbanding whatever relationship there is amongst the two of you.

I am no counselor, but I think that I have enough experience to determine whether a boat is sinking or not. And if I point this out to you, don’t get insulted; I do this because I belief you are too important for me to lose you, and I am worried that if we keep doing what we are doing the consequences are not in our favour.

I am a very selective person, so if you are part of my life, a part of my inner circle; please  know you are irreplaceable, and I will do my utmost to see you happy.