Tag Archives: write

Happy New Year!

So, every new year we all say how we are going to change for the better, or  how we are going to start exercising, or perhaps be better with how we spend our money etc.

From my end, this year I will not do any new year resolutions.

 

I think I am old enough to realise, that all the new year resolutions are broken one day or another, so I am going to be realistic and simply try to lead a good life, which I believe I have done so in the last 29 years 🙂

best-new-year-2017-fireworks
Thanks Google for a gorgeous London fireworks photo.

 

May I remind you that I started off this blog as a new yearbr resolution back in 2014, and luckily I am still pursuing this; mainly because it has been of substantial help to me in expressing myself both in writing and creativity.

Throwback to my first ever blog post here. And, before I leave you so I go and share this day with my family, here’s one of my best articles from last year – All the best guys!

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Things a’changing

There are days, when I question things about my life, and my choices. Today has been one of these forsaken days. Actually, I have been at it since 3AM, but that is beyond my point.

I was thinking about back in 2011, when I had my first Christmas alone, living far away from my family, friends, and on top of that, in another country – How courageous was I, to take such a big leap, leaving everything and everyone behind!

Before then, I have never lived alone, and I had no idea about the kind of responsibility and effort it entails to live and make ends meet at the end of the day, and month when all bills came crawling up. I have done a great job, and learned a lot from this experience.

When I have moved back to Malta, I was not willing to move back with the family, as I enjoyed my independent life too much to let go of it. So much so, that within a year of renting, I purchased my own property.

Although this made sense financially, this has indirectly tied me to this country without even realising at the time. Now that I have settled down in such a “grown up” lifestyle, it seems to me that I have become more self conscious when taking decisions. And I shall give you an example. This week, I was meant to travel, but my plans fell apart, and I have decided to give up the holiday based on two reasons:
1. I should not travel alone at night
2. Accommodation has risen up in price (it also being Christmas holidays, and included NYE), and a last minute purchase would have costed me my entire savings for my holiday.

If I did not have my house to worry about, and if I were not such a wuss, I would be in the UK right now, enjoying cold weather, possibly fog and snow, and beautiful beautiful scenery. How silly am I? Where has all my self confidence gone? What has tarnished my spirit in such a way?

And if you are wondering why I wrote this and why I am sharing this with my readers, it is because I want to be able to read this whenever I need to, so I do not repeat such thing ever again. And also, to try to keep reminding myself that not all my decisions in the past years have been as bad.

Now to try and live life guilt free… and keep moving forward… >>>

Hate Mail

You know you are doing a fantastic job with your blog when amongst your website mail, you start receiving hate mail, or better known as jealous mail.

And you know what? How insecure and pathetic can you be, to send over 3 separate mails  one after the other, in a matter of 4 minutes,without the decency of signing them with your own name and contact details? Clearly, the person who has issues, is the person who hides behind a computer and a fake name. Need I say more?

hm.pngAnd to answer your question; yes, I do screen my comments on this page, and this is for a few reasons:

1. Believe it or not, I receive a lot of spam

2. I do not tolerate ignorant people who either try to:

  • Make fun of what I have said, coming into their own conclusions without verifying if it is true with me first
  • Try to troll others who reply to my blog post

I respect everyone who spends some of their precious time to reply to my articles, and I don’t mind being criticised or challenged but obviously, it needs to be in a constructive manner and not done immaturely. I do research what I write about, unless I am writing about a personal experience, but I am only human and I can be wrong at times.

Kindly also bare in mind, that replying to my comments or emailing me disrespectfully may result into a harassment case and I take these matters seriously.

Having said that, all publicity is good publicity; So, THANK YOU 😉

I Miss You

As a person who thinks a lot, my mind dwells… Especially in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep… How awful is that? 😉

Well last night, I made a ground-breaking discovery; It might be nothing unusual for some, but in my case it helps me understand myself and others around me better.

When someone says I miss you, how often is it meaningful, and how often is it just a conversation filler? These words are so often overused, that they tend to lose their meaning just like when you say I love you every five minutes. It has become such a habit for people to say it, that you just never know when it is truthful or not. Besides, what are you supposed to say when someone says this to you? Oh yeah… I miss you too.

I have also realised, that there are two kinds of “I miss you”

  • There’s the I miss you when I am bored and lonely
    So basically, this is when you are bored in work, or at home and have nothing better to do. So you would miss certain people in your life. Perhaps a good friend or someone important to you.
  • There’s the I miss you when I am busy and having lots of fun
    The nicest kind of I miss you, as you are thinking of certain people while you are having a blast – You are having such a lovely time, yet you feel something is missing and you wish that person is there to enjoy it with you. True affection, need I say more?

I have never been the kind of person who overuses such phrases.

I am a romantic, I love literature, I think I am passionate and quite an emotional person with the right people.my

This in mind;
I make sure that when I say these words, I mean them.
When I say these words, I am genuine.
And I do not expect a mutual agreement.
Because… you should say such words not to seek attention, but because that is how you feel.

Dilemmas

What do you do when there’s an awkward silence?
When you run out of things to say…?
How do you come up with another fun topic… without being too obvious?

I don’t want to talk about the weather, or what I am currently up to.
I utterly hate small talk.

Seriously, if I am up to something, I wouldn’t really be online, chatting. (Unless you are special or close enough to me, that you’d trump TV Series, my walks, my outings etc.)

But, what I hate most is, when I am thinking, “oh finally a conversation with more than just a hello, how are you and what’s up” and then the person tells me they have to go because they are bored. Wow. Seriously?
Thank you for taking your time to write that message to me before you leave. You could have come up with a better excuse.

smalltalk.png

Thank you for making my life easier.
I know who I won’t be speaking to tomorrow.

It’s ok now…

The sky was crying
hiding away my tears.
It was ok to weep now
no one will see.

Inside, I’m broken
Inside, I’m empty
Without you, I’m nothing
But for you, I was no one.

All the sacrifices,
All I wanted for us,
For you, insignificant
I was just another girl.

There was no point in us,
I was blind.
Treated you as my king,
my everything.

You and I
no longer are,
no longer will be
we are history.

______________________
By Steffi ~
This is not my current situation. I am merely depicting a painful story.

Dream Job

I have been asked the question of what is my dream job several times. When I was younger, this used to change depending on my moods, or what I was going through. I remember me wanting to be a scientist, and even a hairdresser; until I was told I had to study biology for that. I hated anything that had to do with biology and the dissection of a human or animal. One of my childhood friends had to buy a heart of a cow and cut it in half in one of the lessons. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all up for steaks, but this was to me disgusting.

Then, I wanted to become a teacher because it would mean I get the summer off from work like all the students. Then I started thinking on how bored I would, and how much I despised the summer heat that this didn’t sound like such a good idea either.

Growing up, I decided to get into IT, because, I thought, this would mean, working in peace, and not get distracted constantly by customers and people with questions. A couple years later after my graduation, I can tell you that this was very untrue as stakeholders come and go on a daily basis, and I get bombarded with questions face to face, by email, by chat and what not.

No, my current job is not my dream job.drmjob

But, the more I matured, the more I realised, that IF IT IS SOMETHING I LOVE DOING, AND I’D CALL IT A DREAM… HOW ON EARTH CAN YOU CALL IT A JOB? Isn’t it more like a vacation, a hobby, or a pastime.
This got me thinking further.

Oh, I know!

My dream job would be, traveling from one place to another, photographing, and writing about it… And in turn sharing it with my readers…. Companies would pay me to do this for them, and from my end, I would enjoy one holiday after another for free.
Both of us win right? Adverts, promotion and generating buzz for your country, and traveling experiences for me.
Yes please.

You

Your glistening eyes
Gazing attentively;
Cheeky smile

Pondering.

Your dreamy face;
My head spinning
Heart racing

Pumping.

Your smell
Draws me into you
Wanting you

Eager.

Your touch
Body trembles
Awaiting – for more.

________________________
//By Steffi ~

Fire & Ice

fire and iceIn the moment
Whilst darkness caresses
the light

…and the light embraces
the darkness

I struggle to stay alight
leave thoughts behind.

Emotions in dire
my heart afire:

wondering
conflicting
constricting
refraining
from believing –
your eyes so cold
daunted, unbold.

________________________
//By Steffi ~

Blues and Thorns

In a dimly lit corner,
In a southern bar,
In the loneliest part
of town,
Where the wooden floor
creeks with every step,
I chose the far most
gloomiest table.

The juke box
playing random blues,
an antediluvian tending the bar,
who cannot remember
how to serve a customer.
I stare into space
playing with a thorn menu
my fingers running across holes
in the table.

I,
like this paper
have suffered.
Like the jukebox,
I’m old.
Like the bar,
I’m forgotten.
Like the owner,
I’m alone.

______________________
By Steffi ~