Category Archives: Funnies

Relationship Status: Single

– This is merely an observation, as per my experiences using social media. –

I have realised, that as soon as my Facebook relationship status turns to single, something magical happens. It is like a world wide silent notification is passed through every single men’s head (sometimes even to those not so single!); not just the males I know, but even random ones who I have no friends in common with.

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What is it with men, talking to you just when you  you are single? Let me rephrase that.

What is it with men, talking to you when they think you are single?

It is almost like Facebook is the source of all that is truthful; the HOLY GRAIL!

Is it true, that men and women can’t be friends? That, the only reason they talk to another is because one of them is chasing the other? That, it is never the case that they are both just genuinely friends, with no strings attached?

If your answer to the above is nope, then why do most men leave you be and not talk to you any longer when they find out you are not eligible, have no interest or are not emotionally available?

 

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What women look for in a man

This is just my point of view here, so agree to disagree ;p

Honesty / Loyalty
To me, if you are not honest and loyal, you might as well call it quits. Truth be told, at one point I’m going to find out, so you are better off giving up already. Never lie, no matter how bad the situation is, and there is no other option than expressing your true feelings. If you are not ready to commit, just be sincere about it and don’t give the wrong impression.
Honesty is the best policy as it works.
Be faithful.

Intelligence 
They say, that physical attraction is important, which is true. But going out with your partner solely for that reason is very shallow. I find intelligence as a huge turn on. I love  it when a man is able to talk about his experiences and subjects which I am not familiar with; like I can learn something from him, and we are not just talking for the sake of not being silent.

Sense of Humour 
If a man can’t make me laugh, and if I don’t feel like I can be silly (myself) around him, I don’t think there’s much of a future in that relationship. Having the same sense of humour would be the cherry on the cake :o)

Confidence
Not in the sense that you think that you are a God sent to women, but in the sense that you act on your promises, knowing what you want in life.
Nothing is sexier than a man who is decisive and goes after what he wants.

Self Security
If you cannot love yourself, and if you are not willing to work on yourself to fulfill your life and your dreams… How can I expect you to love and respect me?

Chivalry 
As much as us women want to be equal to our partner, I’d say that from time to time, it is lovely for a man to go the extra mile and for instance, open the door for their lady, or take off her jacket, just for the sake of being nice.
Chivalry is only dead if you want it to be dead.

The ability to listen
Sometimes, all we want is someone to listen. Forget about logic, just listen to us, without trying to find a solution to everything. Listening is caring. Just hold our hand, and hold us, while we pour our heart out

Romance
Well, isn’t it romance that keeps a relationship alive?
I’ve always been into guys who are masculine, however I think that every woman loves to be swept off her feet; that a man is not embarrassed to show off his love and desire for his woman.
Personally, I’d find these things irresistible.

Help in household
Ok, this might sound lame… but in the 21st century both the man and the woman work to make ends meet, which means that both of them should do the dishes, cleaning, cooking etc. Plus, I love it when a man can cook.

Considerate
Being thoughtful is important for many reasons. We all love the idea of being called or texted randomly during the day, just to be reminded that we are being missed…. Or perhaps, being surprised by a bouquet of flowers, or find a meal ready when we go back home. Not just this, being considerate means, not make plans without the other knowing, unless of course it is a surprise 😉

12 Things you should not assume about a Girl

Let me share with you some basics about girls. These are based on my experiences from being a teenager until now:

  1. Our favourite colour is pink
    Why would you think something like that? Is it because all the boys like blue? Ha!
  2. We love wearing heels
    Some of us do, I suppose… But I do not see the point of wearing shoes that cause discomfort, and then complain about it all night long. The only time you’d find me in heels is in special occasions such as weddings, and trust me – I wear them because they’re mandatory and not for any other reason.
  3. We dislike watching football
    I won’t speak for all women here, but watching football is a lot of fun and a fantastic way to relax, get mad at people and enjoy eating snacks and beer. (*) See point 5.
  4. When we get dressed up is because we want to get laid
    Not really. If I dress up, I do it for myself. Sometimes I like pampering myself and look good.
  5. Beer is disgusting
    Are you kidding me? It is one of my favourite beverages, as is wine and Jagerrmeister. Also stout and ale. Yum!
  6. We love cleaning the house
    You might as well say that women “belong in the kitchen!” too. This statement might have been okay in the 70s when women stayed home and didn’t work, but in today’s society, it is absurd and I believe everyone should clean.
  7. All we want from life is to have your babies
    We have more purpose in life than having babies, like careers.. traveling, learning. Having babies and a family, is nowadays just one of the options and/or possibilities for a girl. And why can’t we obtain more than one? 🙂
  8. We are not into video games
    Some of us enjoy gaming as one of our pastimes or a way to exercise. It might not be our life, but we can definitely be up to play some games with you.
  9. We are not good in math
    Or science… Right. When I was at school studying IT and Software Development, the guys believed that I would fail because this is a male’s world. But here I am, two diplomas and a degree later, and with tons of IT experience. Again… the world has changed.
  10. We only love watching chick flicks
    What if this is true? Does this make us weak? NO! 
  11. We can’t make our own decisions
    Let’s hope for our sake that this applies for all women: We are mature and sensible enough to make our own decisions. We are not stubborn, and if you are important to us, we listen to your ideas, and we factor them in our decision process.
  12. When we are nice, it doesn’t mean we are flirting
    If this were true, I’d be one of the biggest flirts in the world. I’d like to think of myself as a good person, for those who deserve it. So I am nice, I am helpful, I am patient. But please, in no way shall you mistake this to me being flirty. Thank you.

never-assume

15 statements Single People are fed up of hearing

This blog post is targeted to single people or perhaps people who were single for some months in the past.

How many of you have been bothered to no end with friends and family constantly asking you all these dead-end questions, and giving you useless tips?

  1. Are you still single?
    As if, there is something wrong about being single…. Why the unneeded pressure?
  2. Are you seeing someone?
    Don’t you think I would have told you if I’m seeing someone special?
  3.  I wish Tinder existed when I was single…. So many opportunities to have fun and ‘mingle around’
    What are you doing in your relationship, if you are not enjoying it?
  4.  There’s many fish in the water
    Yes, exactly. That’s why I am single… because there are so many great options out there.
  5. It will all happen when you least expect it
    *whistles casually* Will it happen now? How about… now?
  6. I have heard of a good dating site that you should try out…
    Why would you know about it? Are you considering leaving your partner?
  7. I know this great guy (or girl)… Shall I set you up?
    If he is so great, what is wrong with him?
  8.  I miss being single.
    Really? GO HOME.
  9. Maybe technology is your greatest enemy… stop looking…
    How am I supposed to use that dating site that you just suggested?
  10. You are not putting yourself out there enough
    Yes, let me make my own tshirt ‘Single and Looking’ and write my phone number on public bathroom doors
  11. Maybe you are too picky. (Stop looking for a long hair dude who’s a geek.)
    Yes, let me just pick a random guy off the street which I have nothing in common with and ask him out
  12. You are so unlucky, I’d dated you if I was single. You are so amazing.
    Oh wow, thanks for letting me know now…
  13. Maybe you attract the wrong people
    I thought you just said I’m amazing?
  14. You have all the time in the world. You are so young; the world is your oyster.
    Yes, I will be young forever… and maybe forever alone too while I’m at it.
  15. All the good guys (or girls) are taken
    Thank you for all your support. That makes me feel all better.

Embarrassing Tattoos Part 2

I know people are, and can be stupid, but sometimes they sink to the lowest low. One of the things I like doing when I need a laugh is to look at embarrassing tattoos people put on themselves permanently. If I were to have one of these, and I am blind, I would still be horrified to sport it in public.

– If you have weird hair, growing in weird places; I’d suggest you shave it or wax it…. Not tattoo a troll!!

tat4

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– Perhaps a better idea than tattooing eyes on your eyelids would be to sleep at night 😉

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– Why you would want the word ‘LOL’ tattooed permanently on your body is beyond me…. But creating the nazi symbol with rotating ‘L’ is even worse!

tat3

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– I wonder how much Nike paid him for such a massive advert which he carries with him everywhere he goes…

tat1

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– Does a double negative make a positive? So what you’re saying is… Give up.. right?

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– YOLO – You only Live once… What better way to express how you feel about life than with dicks? 🙂

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Until next time guys 😉

Tattooed Footballers

While watching the Champion’s League final last week, seeing Juventus butchered against Barcelona, with a score of 1-3, I realised that a lot of the football players on the pitch sported tattoos, on their arms, legs and some on their chest. Don’t get me wrong, I love football, and I love tattoos, so this was heaven for me! But after seeing this, I got curious to see which footballers have the most tattoos.

David Beckham

David Beckham needs no introduction, especially to his career with Manchester United. Growing up, I remember that one of the footballers who started the tattoo-fashion was David Beckham. His tattoos are barely football related, bar the number ‘7’ which he claims is just for luck. Most of his tattoos are dedicated to the love of his life Victoria Beckham, and his children. He uses tattoos as a way to express himself and his feelings, for instance during the infamous allegations of his affair, he tattooed his upper right arm with an angel and the saying “In the Face of Adversity.”

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Sergio Ramos Garcia

sergio ramos 1Sergio Ramos Garcia is a professional Spanish footballer who plays with the national football team apart from playing with Real Madrid. His first tattoo was a goblin, which he got when he was 14 years of age. He explains how his father was very angry when he found out, Amongst his other tattoos, one would find his parents initials and on his left middle finger, he has the initials of his three siblings. His siblings also have the same tattoo. Sergio has a Nelson Mandela quote on his ribs and also a football related tattoo on his right calf; in fact this shows the World cup and the date 11-07-2010.

sergio ramos 2

Zlatan Ibrahimovic

Zlatan is the captain of Sweden, which is his national team and he also plays for a French football club called Paris Saint-Germain. The almost two meters tall footballer claims to have 50 starving people’s names tattooed all over his body. He wants to make the world aware of the fact that 1 in 9 people suffer from hunger everyday. He is using his body as a tribute to them; whenever we see him, we see them. What a guy!!

epaselect epa04619436 Zlatan Ibrahimovic of Paris Saint Germain celebrates after scoring the 1-0 lead during the French Ligue 1 soccer match between Paris Saint-Germain (PSG) and SM Caen at the Parc des Princes stadium in Paris, France, 14 February 2015.  EPA/YOAN VALAT

Kevin Boateng

Boateng, born in Germany however plays iternationally with Ghana as well as FC Schalke 04. He is also known as Kevin-Prince by his shirt name. At the age of 28 he is already quite covered in tattoos. The ink in Chinese has always been my favourite from him, not because of the language chosen but its meaning; 家族, 健康, 愛, 成功, and 信任, meaning “family, health, love, success and trust”.

kevin boateng

Daniel Agger

daniel agger 2Daniel Agger is the team captain for the Danish national team and also part of a local Danish football club by the name of Brøndby IF. He is mostly famous while he was part of Liverpool’s team. So much so when he inked himself on his knuckles with the abbreviation ‘YWNWA’ which means You will never walk alone. He has done this to remember his long time serving this team, and living in Liverpool (2006 to 2012). His back is filled with a massive Viking tattoo of  Holger Danske which comes from a Danish folk legend. He has the names of his wife and his two sons as well as his siblings on his body which shows he is also a family oriented man. daniel agger

Germans have good sense of humour; Part 1

If you think, that the Germans have terrible sense of humour, let me start helping you think otherwise.

Meet this metal-core band by the name of: We butter the bread with butter.

Who would in their right mind name a band like this?
Especially a metal band;
Who would take it seriously? The name is so far from hardcore… But this is what made me look into this band. Funny stuff… And lets just say, that it works… marketing wise!

The songs are awesome, I especially love the song Exorzist.

Meet the band

www.martinlandsmann.de

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Listen to the band

P.S. I am not German, and I was not commissioned to promote their sense of humour either 😉

Do you close your eyes when you sneeze?

Have you ever wondered, why is it so difficult to keep your eyes open when you sneeze?

I for one, cannot for the life of me not close my eyes when I sneeze. Although it doesn’t make a difference, it bothers me that I am not in control of my body…

The reason why the eyes close when one sneeze are not a defense mechanism to keep away any projectile germs from the eyes. When one sneezes, the force itself sends the bacteria away from the face. Science!

To this day, no particular purposes were found to explain this… It’s just a reflex. One can compare they eyes closing to the same reason a leg kicks out when your knee is tapped…. Magic!
In fact, it’s not only the eye lids which react to a sneeze, but some people even experience urine leakages involuntarily.

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Some fun facts

  • Back in the days they thought that the soul was made of air and was trapped inside the head. When one sneezes, they feared that the soul would escape.
  • In the middle ages, when one sneezes everyone used to be so frightened. This was a time when any ilness, minor or major used to lead to death. It was during this time that people started saying ‘God bless you’ as an attempt to protect the sneezer from death or illness

P.S. No, your eyes will not pop out if you leave them open while you sneeze!. ;p

Slugs Guitar Solos

I have come across an article which showed altered photos by Michael M., showing world-known musicians in the middle of an intense guitar solo, holding disgusting looking slugs instead of their instruments.

I thought it was pretty funny and creative, and wanted to share some with you:

slug Dave Mustaine of Megadeth

Dave Mustaine – Megadeth

slugs Angus Young ACDCAngus Young – ACDC

slugs bruce springsteenBruce Springsteen

slugs carlos santanaCarlos Santana

lolla-CST-0808-p358.JPGDave Grohl – Foo Fighters

slugs James Hetfield of MetallicaJames Hetfield – Metallica

slugs Ace Frehley of KissKiss

slugs eddie-van-halen-

Eddie – Van Halen
slugs slashSlash

Embarrassing Tattoos

I know people are, and can be stupid, but sometimes they sink to the lowest low. One of the things I like doing when I need a laugh is to look at embarrassing tattoos people put on themselves permanently. If I were to have one of these, and I am blind, I would still be horrified to sport it in public.

– What the cow is this?

tattoo dung

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– Black is my favourite colour, but this gal does take it to the extreme…tattoo black

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– I have no words for this. Do I have a dirty mind, or is this just so wrong on so many levels?tattoo bieber

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– Sure, I loved watching the ninja turtles during my childhood… but really?tattoo donatello

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– My olive juice brings all the boys to the yard,
And they’re like: It’s better than yours,
Damn right it’s better than yours,
I can teach you,
But I have to charge

tattoo juice

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– As a lady, who loves beards and mustaches, no I do not dig this;tattoo ladies love it

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– Neither the requester nor the tattooist had enough nolege to prevent this obscenity. tattoo nollege

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-That’s almost true…

tattoo nothing lasts forever

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– If it wasn’t so horrible, it would be hilarious

tattoo raining  men

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– Last but not least…

tattoo no comment

More to come 😉