Tag Archives: date

The Relationship Masks Are Slipping, But What Can You Do If You Don’t Like What’s Underneath?

The early days of a relationship are always a show of sorts. We put on our best faces for dates and try to paint ourselves in the brightest light possible. If we really like someone, we may even change our views to please them or tell white lies about our true natures.

But, when the relationship gets underway, that mask has to slip. In many ways, this is a good thing. When you let down that guard, true love can come in. Sure, the promise of your ‘perfect man’ might have caught your attention in the first place. But, you may not know he’s ‘the one’ until you seem him at a weak moment.

That said, this slipping of masks is often a painful process, and can be fraught with unpleasant surprises. It may be that there’s a habit or quirk to your partner’s personality which you really don’t like. When you think about it, it makes sense that they would hide this. Who goes on a date and grandstands their worst personality traits? Over time, you may come to realize that your seemingly gentle boyfriend has a nasty temper. Or, perhaps that attentive man spends more time on his phone than you first thought. The issue which makes itself known may be even severe, like a gambling addiction, or something like depression.

steffisays-relationship-love-couple
Picture Credit

Sadly, this period is where many relationships end. And, believe it or not, that’s rarely due to the realisation that Mr Perfect is only human. In fact, most of the time, our attempts to change our partners put the nail in the romance coffin. You know how it is; you look past his temper because you think you can cure him of it. You assume that, because he’s with you now, his depression should evaporate.

But, here’s a horrible truth; love isn’t an instant fix. While it is a crucial part of life, it can’t just clear the way of problems. What’s more, approaching a relationship with thoughts of changing a person is the worst thing you can do. It suggests that you love your idea of them, not who they are. And, we all know that love is about accepting someone for their true selves. In fact, the only real time change would be the best route open to you is if this bad personality trait puts your partner at risk. Otherwise, you should attempt to help your partner when you notice these issues. It isn’t easy, but it may be the only way to keep your relationship healthy. And, we’re going to look at a few of the ways you can achieve it.

Recognize their triggers

For the most part, traits like these come with triggers. It’s likely certain things set off that raging temper, for instance. Equally, there may be certain situations which drive a gambler to hit the casino. As their partner, it’s your responsibility to notice. Do this without comment or judgement. Observe and accept the situation. Then, do what you can to help them avoid situations like these where possible. If you see your raging man getting mad, grab his hands and do a quick dance around the room, or something equally fun. This will distract his attention, as well as reinforcing your relationship. You may also notice that he’s more liable to gamble when worried about money. If you’re at the stage where you’re living together, do what you can to keep finances in check, or discuss ways to make more money. Again, this will help with communication, as well as distraction. It may be best, though, not to outwardly tell him about the triggers you’ve noticed. Making him aware of your observations could turn to a trigger in itself. He’ll also then be able to tell when you’re distracting attention, and that could drive him further towards the places you don’t want him to go.

Point him down a better path

steffisays-relationship-love-couple-kiss
Picture Credit

This step is tricky. Get it wrong, and you could slip into the territory of trying to change your partner. But, if you take your time here, you may find that you can point him down a better path. The trick here is not to speak in definites. Merely make suggestions which you think would improve a situation. Do this subtly, so that your man doesn’t feel you’re preaching to him. It could be that leave a program on television discussing ways to deal with anger. Or, you may want to look at sites like Casino Guru which could at least recommend reliable casinos if he is going to gamble. If mental illness is the issue, talk to him about his treatment options. Through discussions, he may find he settles on a new approach which could work well. And, you can achieve all this without ever directly attempting to change the way your lover behaves. Instead, he’ll come to associate you as a reassuring presence who helps him make his own decisions.

Focus on the future

Focusing on the future is always a good idea in a relationship. If things start to stagnate, it can lead to frustration and disillusionment. But, it becomes even more critical in cases like these. If, for instance, your partner is depressed, a focus on your plans as a couple could be a considerable incentive for recovery. If it’s a mutual decision, a determination to have kids in the future could be all it takes to encourage your partner to get help. Equally, this could encourage them to face up to addictions, be they gambling or anything else. The knowledge of future parenthood could even help with anger management problems. After all, no one wants to be that parent who shouts all the time. Bear in mind that it’s essential you let your partner lead conversations like these. If they aren’t ready to discuss this kind of thing, pressure could push them further into a negative place. But, if you’re both in the same headspace here, the future could be the best tonic.

Advertisements

How To Spot A Fake Online Dating Profile

steffisays-electronics-girl-hands-device-laptop-phone-smart

There is no denying the popularity of online dating in the current day and age. In an era when we all seem to be time poor and technology oriented, the Internet provides us with the perfect platform to find Mr. Right. However, the only issue is that there are going to be a lot of Mr. Wrongs out there that you need to weed through first. With that being said, read on to discover how to spot a fake online dating profile so you don’t end up being cat-fished!

    • Lack of detail / discrepancies in their profile story
      When you are genuinely looking to find love, it is important to make your profile detailed so that you attract people that have the same sort of interests as you. You can find some tips on writing an online dating profile here: https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/online-dating-advice/online-dating-profile-tips/online-dating-profile-examples-for-women/. If a profile is lacking any detail, it does not necessarily mean it is fake, but this is a common trait of fake profiles. After all, they do not want to give anything away. They will try to mould themselves into the person they believe you want once they start talking to you. Another sign that a profile is fake is if their story doesn’t add up. Is their profile contradicting what they tell you in their messages?
    • Stock profile photos
      This is one of the key signs that the profile you are looking at is not going to be the love of your life. If their profile appears like a stock photo, then the chances are it probably is. If you do a little bit of digging online, you will probably be able to find the photograph with ease. Moreover, if the profile only contains one photo rather than several, this is another indicator that it could be fake.
    • Let other people spot fake profiles for you
      Last but not least, the best way to make sure you do not fall victim to a fake online dating profile is to use a professional matchmaking service rather than a free online dating website. You can find more information about this by visiting https://macbeth-matchmaking.com/dating/matchmaking-and-dating-services/ . With matchmaking services, every person that joins the agency will be vetted to ensure that they are genuine. You will then be matched to a person based on your likes and interests, as well as what you are looking for from a relationship. This dramatically increases the chances of you finding the perfect man for you.

So there you have it – some useful tips on how to spot a fake online dating profile! If you have noticed any of the signs that have been discussed in this blog post, stay away from the dating profile in question. The last thing you want to do is think you’re meeting up with David Beckham only to discover the man of your dreams is more like David Brent!

Full-Blown Wedding Preparations

Last November, my partner and I decided on taking the next step in our relationship. Both being on the same page with regards to what we want in life, we started discussing on the biggest level of commitment two adults can show towards each other: marriage.

I would not get into the topic of a relationship vs marriage, as this is a topic for another blog post.

When we went to the wedding fair, which was coincidentally the next weekend after our “big talk”, we wwedding dayere so unprepared! We had no idea on a date, venue, or setup. We walked aimlessly in the fair, stocking up on leaflets until we saw the stall of what would be our venue of choice. We knew right there and then, this was it. We did not have to discuss it, we did not have to argue. It felt right, the one.  Upon deciding, we made a list of its availability in June and July 2019. It was then that we were told that couples have already started booking for 2020. That’s 3 years before the wedding. Wow!

The next day, early Saturday morning we made our way to our ideal chapel, which is in close vicinity to the venue. Luckily, the chapel was available on the same day of our preferred wedding day, the 19th of July 2019. Feeling like this was meant to be, we quickly made our chapel reservation and phoned the venue to confirm.

We did keep our wedding date a secret for a whole month, before we got our parents together to tell them the news! It was one of the hardest things we had to do… Keeping the most exciting and most important day of our lives to ourselves. But it was all worth it when we saw our parents cheering and hugging us. They kind of knew something was up, but they never thought this was the news we wanted to share.

wedding

 

8 things to strengthen one’s relationship

Given the last 13 years of somewhat unsuccessful relationship “experience”, I have tried to gather and combine a list of things or tips, which I think would make or help in having a satisfying and working long term relationship.

  1. Honesty; Possibly the most important thing of all. Always be honest and truthful to each other, on all things in your life, be it as a couple or individual. Honesty helps you feel more comfortable and assured on where you stand in your love affair.
  2. Be respectful – Mutual respect is important in maintaining a healthy relationship. The wishes and feelings of each other are valuable even when you disagree. Be genuine and show interest in your partner’s life and hobbies – such things can only bring you closer as a couple.
  3. Trust – This is the foundation of a happy and fulfilling relationship. It take time to build trust and can be lost in a split of a second if one feels betrayed. Examples of being trustworthy are: being reliable and following up on your promises, share what you feel and always say the truth, be a safe place for your partner, be consistent (not only when it is convenient or things are going well).
  4. Be considerate – Keep each other in the loop, ask for holdinghandssunseteach other’s advise in decision making, especially when this will affect your life together as a couple.
  5. Affection – don’t just say that you love your partner; demonstrate it. Kiss each other good morning, be passionate, hold hands in public, take pictures together – make memories… surprise each other with a romantic date or a gift.
  6. Know your Priorities – Although we all lead busy lives, we should always find time for our partners. If you don’t see this as important, perhaps you should spend some time to think about this and why you are hanging onto a relationship which you don’t feel devoted to. If we all invest as much time on our relationship as we do texting, playing games, on social media and watching TV  or films, we might actually have a meaningful relationship.
  7. Security – Show that your partner can count on you to be there in times of need; be it emotionally or physically.
  8. Be a team  – You are stronger together, as a team. Make plans, ensure you have shared goals and same purposes and views long term. Work together.

yourman

Style Your Fridge for a Healthy, Organized Space

When you travel a lot, having a beautiful home to return to is more important than ever. And if you love to maintain a healthy diet, your kitchen is one of the areas of your home that matters most. Not everyone gives a lot of thought to what their refrigerator looks like. They consider what’s in it but perhaps aren’t as concerned with style. However, there’s something satisfying about looking into a perfectly organized fridge. Paying attention to the contents of your fridge could help you eat more healthily, even when you’ve just got back from your travels. Sort out your refrigerator with these design tips.

fridge.PNGSourced from Kathleen Franklin

Choose the Right Fridge

If you want to style your fridge, choosing the right one is the first step. They come in all shapes and sizes, and you might not be satisfied with your current one. Perhaps it isn’t big enough, or you feel like it’s not modern enough. You might want to choose one with an ice maker, or even one with smart technology installed. Some newer fridges can remind you when you need to buy things or if something is about to go off. You should take a good look at the layout of the fridge to make sure there’s enough space.

Use Stylish Drinks Containers

Many people might have cartons or plastic bottles full of drinks in their fridge. However, if you want it to look more organized, you might consider other containers. You could keep your drinks fresher and, of course, make your own drinks too. For example, you can use sleek glass containers to hold your fresh juice. You could also add a WillowAndEverett Coffee Maker to your fridge so that you always have fresh coffee. It uses the cold brew method which allows you to make both iced and hot coffee. The coffee maker looks great in your fridge door, as well as on your table.

outside.PNGSourced from Eloise L

Separate Containers for Organization

We can have a tendency to simple put our food in our fridges without much thought. This can end up with a messy and disorganized space. It might also mean that you forget about some of your food and it goes to waste. Make your fridge smarter by using different containers for your food. Put your butter in a covered dish or your eggs in a smart tray. You can use a range of containers that look stylish and help to keep your food fresh. Make use of jars, paper and string, or cheesecloth bags.

Group Your Foods

Your fridge will be easier to navigate if you group foods together. Keep your vegetables in the crisper draw (and not beer) and group your dairy products together. You could also organize things by the date on them. This will help you keep track of when you need to use them. Everything will look neater and be easily accessible if you arrange things with some thought.

A stylish and organized fridge can help you eat more healthily. It will look good and be a welcome sight when you come home.

15 statements Single People are fed up of hearing

This blog post is targeted to single people or perhaps people who were single for some months in the past.

How many of you have been bothered to no end with friends and family constantly asking you all these dead-end questions, and giving you useless tips?

  1. Are you still single?
    As if, there is something wrong about being single…. Why the unneeded pressure?
  2. Are you seeing someone?
    Don’t you think I would have told you if I’m seeing someone special?
  3.  I wish Tinder existed when I was single…. So many opportunities to have fun and ‘mingle around’
    What are you doing in your relationship, if you are not enjoying it?
  4.  There’s many fish in the water
    Yes, exactly. That’s why I am single… because there are so many great options out there.
  5. It will all happen when you least expect it
    *whistles casually* Will it happen now? How about… now?
  6. I have heard of a good dating site that you should try out…
    Why would you know about it? Are you considering leaving your partner?
  7. I know this great guy (or girl)… Shall I set you up?
    If he is so great, what is wrong with him?
  8.  I miss being single.
    Really? GO HOME.
  9. Maybe technology is your greatest enemy… stop looking…
    How am I supposed to use that dating site that you just suggested?
  10. You are not putting yourself out there enough
    Yes, let me make my own tshirt ‘Single and Looking’ and write my phone number on public bathroom doors
  11. Maybe you are too picky. (Stop looking for a long hair dude who’s a geek.)
    Yes, let me just pick a random guy off the street which I have nothing in common with and ask him out
  12. You are so unlucky, I’d dated you if I was single. You are so amazing.
    Oh wow, thanks for letting me know now…
  13. Maybe you attract the wrong people
    I thought you just said I’m amazing?
  14. You have all the time in the world. You are so young; the world is your oyster.
    Yes, I will be young forever… and maybe forever alone too while I’m at it.
  15. All the good guys (or girls) are taken
    Thank you for all your support. That makes me feel all better.