Tag Archives: women

8 things to strengthen one’s relationship

Given the last 13 years of somewhat unsuccessful relationship “experience”, I have tried to gather and combine a list of things or tips, which I think would make or help in having a satisfying and working long term relationship.

  1. Honesty; Possibly the most important thing of all. Always be honest and truthful to each other, on all things in your life, be it as a couple or individual. Honesty helps you feel more comfortable and assured on where you stand in your love affair.
  2. Be respectful – Mutual respect is important in maintaining a healthy relationship. The wishes and feelings of each other are valuable even when you disagree. Be genuine and show interest in your partner’s life and hobbies – such things can only bring you closer as a couple.
  3. Trust – This is the foundation of a happy and fulfilling relationship. It take time to build trust and can be lost in a split of a second if one feels betrayed. Examples of being trustworthy are: being reliable and following up on your promises, share what you feel and always say the truth, be a safe place for your partner, be consistent (not only when it is convenient or things are going well).
  4. Be considerate – Keep each other in the loop, ask for holdinghandssunseteach other’s advise in decision making, especially when this will affect your life together as a couple.
  5. Affection – don’t just say that you love your partner; demonstrate it. Kiss each other good morning, be passionate, hold hands in public, take pictures together – make memories… surprise each other with a romantic date or a gift.
  6. Know your Priorities – Although we all lead busy lives, we should always find time for our partners. If you don’t see this as important, perhaps you should spend some time to think about this and why you are hanging onto a relationship which you don’t feel devoted to. If we all invest as much time on our relationship as we do texting, playing games, on social media and watching TV  or films, we might actually have a meaningful relationship.
  7. Security – Show that your partner can count on you to be there in times of need; be it emotionally or physically.
  8. Be a team  – You are stronger together, as a team. Make plans, ensure you have shared goals and same purposes and views long term. Work together.

yourman

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Friendzone Galore

So, we have all heard about the infamous friendzone…

Women are rather experts in this, and men are up there all the time. I suppose it is the worst place to be for most men, and women are at ease because they have yet another platonic friend to talk to and spend time with.

In reality, even if men do not admit this, it is a struggle for them to be just friends with someone who they find attractive. Research most often than not says that men cannot be friends with someone they fancy. I guess my male readers can give their HONEST opinion about this. 🙂

I am the kind of girl, that when I meet a man, I figure out my intentions quickly. Whether the feeling is reciprocated or not; that is another thing… but to this date, I have never dated any of my best or closest male friends which in my eyes are my brothers. Having said that, I know a few rare occasions where a girlfriend of mine has fallen for her best friend.

silence

Tips on avoiding the friendzone:

  1. Always make your intentions clear
    Okay, I do not mean that when you mean someone you like, you just tell them “I want you to be my girlfriend”; but… if you like someone, although you do your best to get to know them, you would also flirt to test the waters. If the girl flirts back, then this is an indication that she likes you, there’s potentially an opportunity for you to be more than just friends.  Do not become her doormat, we do not feel sexually attracted to these kind of men. Make the girl blush, compliment her!
  2. Ask her out ASAP!
    As much as it makes sense for you to get to know your potential date and partner, do not wait weeks, or worse months to do something about it. Some girls do not like playing games, especially those who are mature and are interested in serious relationships. They’d give you some time, but the chances are that other opportunities arise, and in that case if another guy asks before you, she will say yes and forget all about you.
  3. Don’t talk to her when she is with her friends
    If she invites you to spend time with her and her friends, it is most likely not because she wants to introduce you to her group of friends as her someone special, but because you are friendzoned. Avoid these occasions until after you start dating. Spending alone time with her, gives you more opportunities to show your interest and intentions. If she avoids being alone with you like the plague, this means that she knows what you are trying to do, and she is trying to spur your the embarrassment.
  4. Don’t let her vent and complain with you about other guys
    This is probably the most obvious indication that the woman in your life is going to friendzone you. It is not your job to listen to her problems with men; she has her girlfriends for this. This is in no way intimacy, and remember – we do not live in a fairy-tale world where a girl will suddenly realise she has been dating assholes and that her one love is you.
  5. Don’t be afraid of rejection
    The idea of being rejected is terrifying for both genders. It is most likely that a friendship cannot be leveraged into romance. You are better off being rejected while you are getting to know each other, rather than after you spent so much time together. A rejection at the very beginning could be turned into friendship, but a rejection once your are friendzoned is very awkward, and the probability is that you stop talking to each other altogether. On top of that, think about all that time and effort and possibly money wasted on someone who is not interested in you.

A Step Back

There are those people in your life, who bring out the best in you.
There are others, who just make you mad and question life itself.

Some of the two kinds, inspire me in the best ways.

Finally, I have found my mojo*.
Finally, I can put onto paper what I have held in for so long…

This week, has made me look back, and wonder… When was the last time I was really happy? When was the last time, I felt wanted, needed? When was the last time someone has made me feel important?

The answer is, I can’t remember.

It is true, that when  we are happy, and we are feeling all the positive vibes and the love around us, we fail to take note of it. We take it for granted, just because it is there; we have, we own it.

Some people come into your life, and immediately fit in. It feels like they have been there all along. But what you don’t realise is, that suddenly your life has more purpose. Like, a certain part of you which you forgot all about (willingly or unwillingly) is whole again. You wonder, how you have let yourself rot like this, and accept what is being thrown at you with arms wide open. Why are we patient and forgiving of undeserving people? chivalryWhy do we make ourselves believe that everything is okay when it is not?

What has happened to romance? On being blunt, and saying all that you feel inside? On making memories, and holding on to them for dear life? How can we be okay with the fact that chivalry no longer exists? I for one, would love to be swept off my feet.

*mojo: a power that may seem magical and that allows someone to be very effective, successful, etc.

Compliments

I am not a person who accepts compliments easily and for various reasons
– Lack of self confidence
– People are more often than not, not genuine, and compliment you out of sarcasm, or simply to compliment them back
– Just awkward, especially when it is a random unknown person

Lets take an example of what has happened today. I got home right after work, 15 minutes before the shops close, I realised I forgot to buy something I needed for the day so I dressed up in the first thing I found nearby and went out. In the next 10 minutes, I was “complimented” by 3 strangers; two regarding my hair, and another regarding my general appearance.
In my eyes (or in my head, because I didn’t look in the mirror!), these adjectives sounded like they were untrustworthy, and were simply said in attempt to get my attention.

When I am feeling upset, or perhaps I am having a bad day, these words give me a bit of a boost… but on average I pretend that I have not heard a thing and keep walking. Well, even if I were to accept such words, should I just keep muttering thank you to  each and every non-creepy looks legit enough person?

 

Relationship Status: Single

– This is merely an observation, as per my experiences using social media. –

I have realised, that as soon as my Facebook relationship status turns to single, something magical happens. It is like a world wide silent notification is passed through every single men’s head (sometimes even to those not so single!); not just the males I know, but even random ones who I have no friends in common with.

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What is it with men, talking to you just when you  you are single? Let me rephrase that.

What is it with men, talking to you when they think you are single?

It is almost like Facebook is the source of all that is truthful; the HOLY GRAIL!

Is it true, that men and women can’t be friends? That, the only reason they talk to another is because one of them is chasing the other? That, it is never the case that they are both just genuinely friends, with no strings attached?

If your answer to the above is nope, then why do most men leave you be and not talk to you any longer when they find out you are not eligible, have no interest or are not emotionally available?

 

What women look for in a man

This is just my point of view here, so agree to disagree ;p

Honesty / Loyalty
To me, if you are not honest and loyal, you might as well call it quits. Truth be told, at one point I’m going to find out, so you are better off giving up already. Never lie, no matter how bad the situation is, and there is no other option than expressing your true feelings. If you are not ready to commit, just be sincere about it and don’t give the wrong impression.
Honesty is the best policy as it works.
Be faithful.

Intelligence 
They say, that physical attraction is important, which is true. But going out with your partner solely for that reason is very shallow. I find intelligence as a huge turn on. I love  it when a man is able to talk about his experiences and subjects which I am not familiar with; like I can learn something from him, and we are not just talking for the sake of not being silent.

Sense of Humour 
If a man can’t make me laugh, and if I don’t feel like I can be silly (myself) around him, I don’t think there’s much of a future in that relationship. Having the same sense of humour would be the cherry on the cake :o)

Confidence
Not in the sense that you think that you are a God sent to women, but in the sense that you act on your promises, knowing what you want in life.
Nothing is sexier than a man who is decisive and goes after what he wants.

Self Security
If you cannot love yourself, and if you are not willing to work on yourself to fulfill your life and your dreams… How can I expect you to love and respect me?

Chivalry 
As much as us women want to be equal to our partner, I’d say that from time to time, it is lovely for a man to go the extra mile and for instance, open the door for their lady, or take off her jacket, just for the sake of being nice.
Chivalry is only dead if you want it to be dead.

The ability to listen
Sometimes, all we want is someone to listen. Forget about logic, just listen to us, without trying to find a solution to everything. Listening is caring. Just hold our hand, and hold us, while we pour our heart out

Romance
Well, isn’t it romance that keeps a relationship alive?
I’ve always been into guys who are masculine, however I think that every woman loves to be swept off her feet; that a man is not embarrassed to show off his love and desire for his woman.
Personally, I’d find these things irresistible.

Help in household
Ok, this might sound lame… but in the 21st century both the man and the woman work to make ends meet, which means that both of them should do the dishes, cleaning, cooking etc. Plus, I love it when a man can cook.

Considerate
Being thoughtful is important for many reasons. We all love the idea of being called or texted randomly during the day, just to be reminded that we are being missed…. Or perhaps, being surprised by a bouquet of flowers, or find a meal ready when we go back home. Not just this, being considerate means, not make plans without the other knowing, unless of course it is a surprise 😉

12 Things you should not assume about a Girl

Let me share with you some basics about girls. These are based on my experiences from being a teenager until now:

  1. Our favourite colour is pink
    Why would you think something like that? Is it because all the boys like blue? Ha!
  2. We love wearing heels
    Some of us do, I suppose… But I do not see the point of wearing shoes that cause discomfort, and then complain about it all night long. The only time you’d find me in heels is in special occasions such as weddings, and trust me – I wear them because they’re mandatory and not for any other reason.
  3. We dislike watching football
    I won’t speak for all women here, but watching football is a lot of fun and a fantastic way to relax, get mad at people and enjoy eating snacks and beer. (*) See point 5.
  4. When we get dressed up is because we want to get laid
    Not really. If I dress up, I do it for myself. Sometimes I like pampering myself and look good.
  5. Beer is disgusting
    Are you kidding me? It is one of my favourite beverages, as is wine and Jagerrmeister. Also stout and ale. Yum!
  6. We love cleaning the house
    You might as well say that women “belong in the kitchen!” too. This statement might have been okay in the 70s when women stayed home and didn’t work, but in today’s society, it is absurd and I believe everyone should clean.
  7. All we want from life is to have your babies
    We have more purpose in life than having babies, like careers.. traveling, learning. Having babies and a family, is nowadays just one of the options and/or possibilities for a girl. And why can’t we obtain more than one? 🙂
  8. We are not into video games
    Some of us enjoy gaming as one of our pastimes or a way to exercise. It might not be our life, but we can definitely be up to play some games with you.
  9. We are not good in math
    Or science… Right. When I was at school studying IT and Software Development, the guys believed that I would fail because this is a male’s world. But here I am, two diplomas and a degree later, and with tons of IT experience. Again… the world has changed.
  10. We only love watching chick flicks
    What if this is true? Does this make us weak? NO! 
  11. We can’t make our own decisions
    Let’s hope for our sake that this applies for all women: We are mature and sensible enough to make our own decisions. We are not stubborn, and if you are important to us, we listen to your ideas, and we factor them in our decision process.
  12. When we are nice, it doesn’t mean we are flirting
    If this were true, I’d be one of the biggest flirts in the world. I’d like to think of myself as a good person, for those who deserve it. So I am nice, I am helpful, I am patient. But please, in no way shall you mistake this to me being flirty. Thank you.

never-assume

Of Age and Maturity

(no, I am not talking about aged wine here…)

During the weekend, I always try to find some time to go through the posts written by the bloggers I follow, which I might have missed during the week, when I was too busy to catch up. One of the articles I came across, was the one in relation to age.

I must say, that most often than not, I fool too many people I meet. There’s an assumption that I am still very young, so they wonder how could I have accomplished so much at such a tender and innocent age. It’s almost funny. Sometimes, it doesn’t feel like  a compliment. I am 27, and will be 28 in October. That’s why I have purchased a house, that’s why I own a car and that’s why I am so mature. When you are at a certain age in life, you have certain commitments and because of this you need to grow up. You can’t just waste all your money on every little thing you see and want. You have to think it through. Do I actually need this? Will I use it? Will I make it to end of the month? Sooner or later, you accept this and you just deal with it without getting annoyed at yourself and the limitations. To an extend.

To me, being mature is a good thing, as long as you know how to loosen up and have fun when the situations require you to do so. What is life without a bit of an adventure, without drinks with friends and without doing things at the spur of the moment? Sure, I am a bit of a planner and I hate it when things I planned don’t go my way. But when you sometimes go out without making any plans and go with the flow, when you least expect to enjoy yourself… those are the times which you will remember and which you will treasure.. Nothing wrong with being spontaneous, as long as you keep your feet on the ground and not do anything irrational!

Along the lines of age and maturity, I really do not appreciate people who can’t be mature during times of need. They just like taking the piss out of everything, and all they deserve is a slap in the face, or their head smashed into the wall…Point taken, I think? With this in mind, what I am about to say comes with no surprise; This is why I am no longer interested in guys who are my age or younger. They just stress me out, and I feel like I am their mother; having to tell them what to do because they don’t know any better… or teach them how to be mature, and save up some money in case hell breaks lose. You can compare it to a mission impossible. Is it so much to ask to be responsible of your own actions and to be able to deal with your own crap?

Seems like it.

So until then, I shall remain a cat lady……… Maybe one day, one great guy will sweep me off my feet once and for all.

What women want

Read the below…

http://www.maltatoday.com.mt/comment/blogs/50471/what_women_want

Thoughts?

The Importance of Storage Space

So yesterday, I came to another conclusion. Women in general think more than men; they plan, and they think ahead about the future, and what they might need then.

This all came up, while I was doing one of the things I enjoy doing the most at the moment; Thinking about how I will set up my rooms. After I finish up the courtyard this summer (provided that I manage to save up the money required for it), I will get started on my living room.vintage

While wanting it to be appealing and comfortable, I am thinking ahead about how to best handle the lack of storage space in my house (at least, until I renovate the cellar).

I have been looking about possible nice looking, vintage/classic style storage spaces,  and coming up with ideas on sofas with storage spaces as well as an awesome TV cabinet, with book shelves and cupboards.
As soon as I mentioned this to a good friend of mine, he started teasing me about being women, and our ‘things’; the walk-in wardrobe, extra cupboards, racks, wall mounts; you name it… He mentioned, how we all want this, but for him a garage is just enough. He made it sound like something is wrong with us for wanting this. I think, men do not understand that we we are not just thinking about the present, but also about the future. Sure an extra storage space might not be required right about now, but what about in a couple of year’s time? If you don’t plan your furniture right, you might end up having to change your furniture to accommodate more storage space, or add up another piece of unmatching furniture which could have been avoided if thought out properly.