Tag Archives: friendship

Take the leap

I have probably wrote about this topic about a gazillion times, but hey ho… I am trying to understand myself better… and at the same time I am wondering if it is just me who’s like this, or whether it is something which is more common than I realise.

I am the kind of person, who puts others before her; be it their needs, their happiness… you name it. I try to always be there, to listen, to help, to support, to give others my two cents. To help them on their way to goodness, fulfillment… joy to the world they say!

And in return, I neglect myself. I put myself through shit.. through disappointment, through pain… just in the name of seeing others doing better. No, I don’t regret being there for friends, I love putting a smile on people’s  faces. But what about me?

Yes, what about me?

Okay, I don’t want to sound selfish… but this is definitely not right. I feel stressed, worn out… at times beyond repair.

My guess is, I am the problem.

I need to learn how to let go…. let go of people and things which are bad for me, who don’t deserve half the time and attention I give them. I need to stop people from abusing my generosity. I need to learn to be okay with just being me, and in my own company and shoes.

I should stop hiding behind other people’s problems and dive into fixing what is wrong with my life and myself. I have been here before, I take on more than I can keep up with, just so I don’t have to think about what needs to get done in my life; to stop focusing on what I am scared to face… to stop working on my dreams, just because I am scared to fail… yet again.

I know that, everything I want is on the other side of fear.

So, why can’t I take the leap?

I know what I want, so why do I do this to myself? Why do I punish myself so much?

More on this topic, here.

 

Advertisements

Stuck For Words: Supporting A Grieving Friend

griefImage

The loss of a loved one is one of the hardest things we go through as human beings. You can’t fathom the depth of pain and sadness without experiencing it firsthand. It’s also difficult watching a friend go through a bereavement. It’s natural to feel helpless and to worry about saying the wrong thing. You can’t bring their loved one back, but you can help them through the pain.

Stay In Touch

The important thing is to stay in touch. You may not know what to say, but don’t let that stop you from being present. Your friend is likely to feel hurt if you avoid her. Be honest and explain that you have no words. Tell her that you’re so sorry and that you’re there for her in any way she needs. Take a little token of your friendship, such as flowers or chocolate. This is not to make things better. It’s to show you care.

Don’t Be Afraid Of Tears

Your friend may cry, and that may be painful to watch. But tears are important. They are a way of releasing the painful feelings. Don’t run away and don’t try to make her stop. There are few greater acts of friendship than holding someone else’s pain.

grief1Image

Practical Things

When someone dies, there are lots of practical things that need to be done. People need to be notified, and funeral preparations need to be made. Often this is overwhelming. Find out if there’s anything you can do to help. It may be little things like making phone calls. Or your friend may need help with sympathy and funeral flowers.

Sometimes asking what the person needs isn’t helpful. They may be inundated with offers and not know what to say. Therefore, suggesting ways in which you could help is an option. Food is always a good place to start. Even at the most difficult times we still need to eat. People will be visiting, and food may need to be provided. Preparing some meals is likely to be welcome.

Avoid Cliches

In difficult situations, it’s easy to reach for cliches. However, where grief is concerned, they are not always well received. If you have just lost someone you care about deeply, you don’t want to hear that they are in a better place. Or, that God only sends you things you can deal with. This is likely to provoke sadness and even anger. Keep it simple. Be honest and truthful. It’s better to acknowledge you don’t know what to say, rather than reaching for a cliche.

Don’t Tell Them What To Do

Everyone grieves differently. There is no right or wrong way of navigating bereavement. Everyone must find their own process. So don’t tell your friend she’s doing it wrong. Don’t tell her the ‘right way’ to do it. Let her experience this for herself and steer her own course.

Like grieving, there’s no right or wrong way to be there for someone. First and foremost, show up. Be honest if you don’t know what to say. Try to be helpful. And then take your cue from your friend. Listen to her and be there, in whatever way she needs you to be.

Friendzone Galore

So, we have all heard about the infamous friendzone…

Women are rather experts in this, and men are up there all the time. I suppose it is the worst place to be for most men, and women are at ease because they have yet another platonic friend to talk to and spend time with.

In reality, even if men do not admit this, it is a struggle for them to be just friends with someone who they find attractive. Research most often than not says that men cannot be friends with someone they fancy. I guess my male readers can give their HONEST opinion about this. 🙂

I am the kind of girl, that when I meet a man, I figure out my intentions quickly. Whether the feeling is reciprocated or not; that is another thing… but to this date, I have never dated any of my best or closest male friends which in my eyes are my brothers. Having said that, I know a few rare occasions where a girlfriend of mine has fallen for her best friend.

silence

Tips on avoiding the friendzone:

  1. Always make your intentions clear
    Okay, I do not mean that when you mean someone you like, you just tell them “I want you to be my girlfriend”; but… if you like someone, although you do your best to get to know them, you would also flirt to test the waters. If the girl flirts back, then this is an indication that she likes you, there’s potentially an opportunity for you to be more than just friends.  Do not become her doormat, we do not feel sexually attracted to these kind of men. Make the girl blush, compliment her!
  2. Ask her out ASAP!
    As much as it makes sense for you to get to know your potential date and partner, do not wait weeks, or worse months to do something about it. Some girls do not like playing games, especially those who are mature and are interested in serious relationships. They’d give you some time, but the chances are that other opportunities arise, and in that case if another guy asks before you, she will say yes and forget all about you.
  3. Don’t talk to her when she is with her friends
    If she invites you to spend time with her and her friends, it is most likely not because she wants to introduce you to her group of friends as her someone special, but because you are friendzoned. Avoid these occasions until after you start dating. Spending alone time with her, gives you more opportunities to show your interest and intentions. If she avoids being alone with you like the plague, this means that she knows what you are trying to do, and she is trying to spur your the embarrassment.
  4. Don’t let her vent and complain with you about other guys
    This is probably the most obvious indication that the woman in your life is going to friendzone you. It is not your job to listen to her problems with men; she has her girlfriends for this. This is in no way intimacy, and remember – we do not live in a fairy-tale world where a girl will suddenly realise she has been dating assholes and that her one love is you.
  5. Don’t be afraid of rejection
    The idea of being rejected is terrifying for both genders. It is most likely that a friendship cannot be leveraged into romance. You are better off being rejected while you are getting to know each other, rather than after you spent so much time together. A rejection at the very beginning could be turned into friendship, but a rejection once your are friendzoned is very awkward, and the probability is that you stop talking to each other altogether. On top of that, think about all that time and effort and possibly money wasted on someone who is not interested in you.

Connections

When it comes to a relationship; be it a romantic relationship, friendship, family etc, I think that the most important thing is consistency.

In the sense, that I expect a sense of honesty and loyalty. A sense of openness and support, without the need of asking them for it. Because, if these people do not know you, if these people cannot figure you out, who will?

If you don’t receive some kind of general interest from them regarding your life and your well being, I think it is worrying. Not caring about one another, is the first step in disbanding whatever relationship there is amongst the two of you.

I am no counselor, but I think that I have enough experience to determine whether a boat is sinking or not. And if I point this out to you, don’t get insulted; I do this because I belief you are too important for me to lose you, and I am worried that if we keep doing what we are doing the consequences are not in our favour.

I am a very selective person, so if you are part of my life, a part of my inner circle; please  know you are irreplaceable, and I will do my utmost to see you happy.

Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant of the day.

Quality over quantity, always.
Be it material things or matters of the heart…

When I cannot think, that things can sink any lower, here I am getting disappointed again.

No, this is not another complaint about my love life, because this is not the case. I assure you!
This is about the so called friends.

As if it is not difficult enough to meet good, loyal, trustworthy people… I mean, I would know… I am not a very sociable person, in fact I would rather be around a few people than a group of loud beings. I have always preferred having a best friend rather than a lot of friends. I am the kind of person, who would rather have one person to count on, than many who don’t.

Every now and then, I try to organise a get together, to see some friends that I haven’t seen in a while. It is difficult to find a time and a day when everyone can join, and we always end up compromising, either regarding who should attend or the location, or the budget. I guess, that is okay, as long as things work out. What sucks is, that you put your heart in it, and since it is agreed upon several weeks before, there is always some sort of expectation for it. Then things get cancelled, and you are back to square one.

Is this normal, or do these things happen to just me?
When the only person who tries to solve things is yourself, is it the beginning of the end? Should I call it quits, before they quit me?

Sometimes you have to give up on people
not because you don’t care,
but because they don’t.

Do you follow your heart or your head?


When you’re at cross roads… should you follow your heart or your head?

There are situations in life which make you struggle; make you unsure of your existence or what to do next. Should you stay or should you leave?
It is at moments like these when I wonder what to do… Should I follow my heart or my head?

Neither of the choices are ideal.

I think there were not many situations or experiences in my life, where I had a straight answer – where my heart and head were in agreement.

In the sense that;head-vs-heart-sign
– with change comes doubt
– with change comes insecurity
– with change comes something new

Is it the right choice?
Will I benefit from this?
Will I regret it?
Should I try harder?

Sometimes, you can find “comfort” in the devil you know – at the very least, you are familiar with what you currently have in your life; there is no fear of the un-known.

Thoughts?

Pain without Love

When your heart is in sorrow
Breaking –
Colliding into nothingness

When you feel like all hope
is shattered –
Drunk out of control

When you risked it all
so, vulnerable
from happiness to numbness

Save me –
Repeat

 

________________________________________
//By Steffi – 2016.06.01

What is your biggest regret?

There are days, and times when I struggle to be inspired; I don’t mean it just in finding something to write about, but also in life in general.

There are times, where I feel stuck… Maybe because I don’t think that there is something that exciting going on in my life currently, or perhaps, I start wondering whether I have made the right decisions in the past… Whether I regret something, whether it is too late to start anew.

Then, there are days like today, where you are browsing the internet out of boredom, hoping you come across something interesting… and it finally happens:

Knowing you are not the only person who has regrets, should give you hope and enough inspiration to keep fighting… To take THAT risk, to get out of your comfort zone and make your dreams come true… Because, what could possibly come out of life if you always play it safe, if you don’t feel truly alive… and happy?

What is your biggest regret? Isn’t it the fear itself… The fear of failing?
Take the leap!

It has been 1 year!

happy anniversary with wordpress

The 30th of December 2014, was the day when I officially started off my blog. One year later, with close to 17,000 unique readers and 180 blog posts, I can happily say that I managed to keep my last year’s resolution. I have had readers from 112 countries around the world with my top 3 countries being Malta, Germany and almost a tie between US and UK.

2015, was a very interesting year for me.

I have had too many opportunities to call it quits this year… had a lot of struggles with the house, finances, friends wise, emotionally… but at this point in time, I feel happy. I have tackled every issue I have encountered; I know I have not fixed them all to their entirety but I know that eventually, I will get there. I have took the bull by the horns; I’m fighting….  and I am winning.

Finally, I feel like I am in a good place, and I am getting what I deserve.

Here is, to another new year of fighting, not giving up and chasing dreams.

cheers

Happy New Year to all of my friends and frenemies!

The Art of Jealousy

Some, argue that jealousy in small doses is good for a relationship or a friendship to grow. I certainly disagree, and I do so from previous experiences.

It is true, that when your partner is jealous of you, (s)he would give you moreattention. But this kind of attention, is not necessarily the good kind of Jealous-muchattention that you are seeking for. Jealousy is more often than not derived from lack of trust and various self-insecurities (Maybe because of previous life experiences or trauma? Psychological issues?). It will urge you to be possessive, be suspicious and in the long run threaten your relationship.

If you can’t trust your partner, why are you with them in the first place?
Issues related to jealousy and trust, will eat you from the inside. You’d become paranoid, with a feeling of abandonment… No relationship with these symptoms can end well.

It is a known fact that leading cause of spousal homicides are related to jealousy. 

On the other hand, your partner will feel badgered and frustrated because (s)he is not being trusted. All the mundane and constant questioning is tiring;
What are you doing?
Where are you?
Where are you going?
Who you’re going with?
These questions are demoralising, leaving the person without any personal space and feeling guilty.

jealous gf

It is okay that your partner wants some space, to do some things (s)he enjoys doing alone.
You can agree on an evening a week to spend apart, play that game you wanted to play, catch up with friends or go clothes shopping. I believe, it is important to have a life outside your relationship.

My advise:
1. Put yourself into his or her shoes – how would you feel if this jealousy issue was the other way round? Does your friend / partner deserve this?
2. Communicate your feelings constructively and without blaming the other person