Tag Archives: hurt

Stuck For Words: Supporting A Grieving Friend

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The loss of a loved one is one of the hardest things we go through as human beings. You can’t fathom the depth of pain and sadness without experiencing it firsthand. It’s also difficult watching a friend go through a bereavement. It’s natural to feel helpless and to worry about saying the wrong thing. You can’t bring their loved one back, but you can help them through the pain.

Stay In Touch

The important thing is to stay in touch. You may not know what to say, but don’t let that stop you from being present. Your friend is likely to feel hurt if you avoid her. Be honest and explain that you have no words. Tell her that you’re so sorry and that you’re there for her in any way she needs. Take a little token of your friendship, such as flowers or chocolate. This is not to make things better. It’s to show you care.

Don’t Be Afraid Of Tears

Your friend may cry, and that may be painful to watch. But tears are important. They are a way of releasing the painful feelings. Don’t run away and don’t try to make her stop. There are few greater acts of friendship than holding someone else’s pain.

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Practical Things

When someone dies, there are lots of practical things that need to be done. People need to be notified, and funeral preparations need to be made. Often this is overwhelming. Find out if there’s anything you can do to help. It may be little things like making phone calls. Or your friend may need help with sympathy and funeral flowers.

Sometimes asking what the person needs isn’t helpful. They may be inundated with offers and not know what to say. Therefore, suggesting ways in which you could help is an option. Food is always a good place to start. Even at the most difficult times we still need to eat. People will be visiting, and food may need to be provided. Preparing some meals is likely to be welcome.

Avoid Cliches

In difficult situations, it’s easy to reach for cliches. However, where grief is concerned, they are not always well received. If you have just lost someone you care about deeply, you don’t want to hear that they are in a better place. Or, that God only sends you things you can deal with. This is likely to provoke sadness and even anger. Keep it simple. Be honest and truthful. It’s better to acknowledge you don’t know what to say, rather than reaching for a cliche.

Don’t Tell Them What To Do

Everyone grieves differently. There is no right or wrong way of navigating bereavement. Everyone must find their own process. So don’t tell your friend she’s doing it wrong. Don’t tell her the ‘right way’ to do it. Let her experience this for herself and steer her own course.

Like grieving, there’s no right or wrong way to be there for someone. First and foremost, show up. Be honest if you don’t know what to say. Try to be helpful. And then take your cue from your friend. Listen to her and be there, in whatever way she needs you to be.

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The Affair

I made you click on this blog post, didn’t I?

Joking aside, today I am here to recommend the TV Series, The Affair which is currently on the third season.

the-affair

Although not as popular as other series which everyone seems to be talking about for months on end, this TV Series is a breath of fresh air in terms of originality. As its name portrays, the story revolves around two affairs, but the story alternates between point of views of different characters. Each one hour episode is split in two, and as the viewers, we are left to make our own choices – on who’s saying the truth.

This series, is not for the fainthearted. It is not intended to be an easy series to watch, in fact, it explores the emotional and psychological effects on those who have had the affair and the people around them. It is passionate and messy, as you see the characters work through their anger, grief and a hope for true love.

Do you follow your heart or your head?


When you’re at cross roads… should you follow your heart or your head?

There are situations in life which make you struggle; make you unsure of your existence or what to do next. Should you stay or should you leave?
It is at moments like these when I wonder what to do… Should I follow my heart or my head?

Neither of the choices are ideal.

I think there were not many situations or experiences in my life, where I had a straight answer – where my heart and head were in agreement.

In the sense that;head-vs-heart-sign
– with change comes doubt
– with change comes insecurity
– with change comes something new

Is it the right choice?
Will I benefit from this?
Will I regret it?
Should I try harder?

Sometimes, you can find “comfort” in the devil you know – at the very least, you are familiar with what you currently have in your life; there is no fear of the un-known.

Thoughts?

It’s ok now…

The sky was crying
hiding away my tears.
It was ok to weep now
no one will see.

Inside, I’m broken
Inside, I’m empty
Without you, I’m nothing
But for you, I was no one.

All the sacrifices,
All I wanted for us,
For you, insignificant
I was just another girl.

There was no point in us,
I was blind.
Treated you as my king,
my everything.

You and I
no longer are,
no longer will be
we are history.

______________________
By Steffi ~
This is not my current situation. I am merely depicting a painful story.

Farewell to Someone who I used to know

This weekend, while I was browsing through local online newspapers, I came across an article about a missing young lady with the name of Ruth Attard. Later on, I learned that she is from my home town Hal Qormi, and that she is the same age as me. When her body was discovered in Ghar Lapsi, my childhood friends started getting in contact with me over Facebook and on a group we are all part of.

Turns out that Ruth Attard went to school with me both at primary school and secondary school. She was a year younger than me, but a very sweet looking and well behaved girl. She always carried a smile on her face and was ever so cheerful. We were all trying to remember instances from our childhood where we met her; How she was in Mr. Saliba’s class and how she was Snow White during one of the yearly school plays; How she was so devoted to gym and how often we glimpsed her at the gymnasium during the school breaks.. climbing up ropes, doing somersaults. But none of us stayed in contact with her when we finished school. We never spoke again, we only remember her beautiful face. 5498932469_fd0886c60d_zIt comes to us as a shock, that Ruth is no longer with us. Even more so, because we wouldn’t have ever expected something like this to happen to her, or any one of us.

We are so young, we still have all our life before us. Truth is, we take these things for granted.  We should be thankful to be alive, thankful that we are happy… Glad that we are strong, and surrounded with people who love us, appreciate us and are there for us. That because of all of this, we won’t break apart from ourselves or one another…

While we keep Ruth and her family in our thoughts and prayers, let’s learn something from this. Let’s be more thoughtful about those around us; forgive and move on. Love not hate. Teach not shout. Let’s all communicate with one another. Let’s be in contact while we can… Let’s not forget one another… Farewell to Someone who I used to know… May you rest in peace, dear Ruth.

Funeral is tomorrow 10th June at 14:30 at Saint Sebastian Church, Qormi.

The Loft (Movie Review & Quotes)

Yesterday I decided to have a relaxing evening after going out two nights in a row and spending the day in Valletta. I have made bruschetta for the first time which turned out delicious… (I will be making it again!)

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One glass of wine later, I decided to watch a movie which I’ve been wanting to watch for a while. It goes by the name of ‘The Loft’ and it’s considered to be in the thriller genre. Although I was not disappointed by this movie itself, I must say that I was not amused either. The story was quite original, in the sense that five married guys bought a penthouse to take all their mistresses and fuck buddies there, rather than getting caught or seen in hotel rooms. The only agreement they had between each other is that they’d tell the rest when they are occupying the apartment. 5 keys; one per each guy, and one dead body later…. The twist in the plot was quite interesting, but after seeing so many movies of this genre, it was quite obvious that the most perverted one out of the suspects has done it. And so was the case.

What left an impact on me was a quote from this very movie:

“The people you love, are the only ones who can hurt you.”

How true is that?

How easier would life be if we never get hurt?

But, how worthwhile would it be, in the expense of never feeling love and all its emotions ever again?

“Quoth the raven – nevermore.”

“Quoth the raven – nevermore.”; These were the final words Joe Carroll uttered before he was executed by lethal injection.

Yet, another sad day for me, as I see yet another one of my favourite murderers die. And I will explain why I had a soft spot for this guy. Well, he’s British, he’s a lecturer, he’s a writer, a philogist and he quotes Edgar Alan Poe throughout all the series. On top he was a cult leader and had his own religion. Creepy, yet it required skill. The fact that he chose an English breakfast as his last meal further drew me in.

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During Joe’s last encounter with Ryan in S3E10, I was almost sure that the latter would let him escape… Somehow. But this did not happen, and I struggled as much as Ryan not to shed a tear when Joe stopped breathing.

It is going to be an end of an era, and I do hope that Hardy will continuously have hallucinations and be haunted by Joe’s image; if this is the only way to see this mastermind in the next episodes and Seasons.

Nevermore in the world and yet evermore in Ryan’s mind. ❤

Inseparable

I knocked
and knocked again.
Then you answered.
‘Hi, nice to meet you’
and so it began.

We talked
laughed
talked
laughed
talked some more
and drank together
at the bar, as we forgot
that there were
others
around us. We were
in a world,
of our own.

You opened the door
you’ve let me in.
From two separate souls
from that day onwards
we became one;
one beat, one love,
inseparable.

________________________
By Steffi~