Tag Archives: regret

Take the leap

I have probably wrote about this topic about a gazillion times, but hey ho… I am trying to understand myself better… and at the same time I am wondering if it is just me who’s like this, or whether it is something which is more common than I realise.

I am the kind of person, who puts others before her; be it their needs, their happiness… you name it. I try to always be there, to listen, to help, to support, to give others my two cents. To help them on their way to goodness, fulfillment… joy to the world they say!

And in return, I neglect myself. I put myself through shit.. through disappointment, through pain… just in the name of seeing others doing better. No, I don’t regret being there for friends, I love putting a smile on people’s  faces. But what about me?

Yes, what about me?

Okay, I don’t want to sound selfish… but this is definitely not right. I feel stressed, worn out… at times beyond repair.

My guess is, I am the problem.

I need to learn how to let go…. let go of people and things which are bad for me, who don’t deserve half the time and attention I give them. I need to stop people from abusing my generosity. I need to learn to be okay with just being me, and in my own company and shoes.

I should stop hiding behind other people’s problems and dive into fixing what is wrong with my life and myself. I have been here before, I take on more than I can keep up with, just so I don’t have to think about what needs to get done in my life; to stop focusing on what I am scared to face… to stop working on my dreams, just because I am scared to fail… yet again.

I know that, everything I want is on the other side of fear.

So, why can’t I take the leap?

I know what I want, so why do I do this to myself? Why do I punish myself so much?

More on this topic, here.

 

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Christmassy?

7 years ago, back when I used to write a lot of poems, I wrote the below. It still makes a lot of sense to me… How do you feel about this time of the year?

Winter weather Nov 30thChristmas is near –
Some hold it dear
Others regret it
They can’t bare it.

Celebrations
are on their way,
Finances
go down the drain.

Everyone spending
Everyone drinking
either out of pleasure
or depression.

Christmas spirit
I can’t feel it,
Where did it go?
Not there anymore.

All it is to me
Is holidays and booze
I should let it be,
How about you?

2009.12.23

Do you follow your heart or your head?


When you’re at cross roads… should you follow your heart or your head?

There are situations in life which make you struggle; make you unsure of your existence or what to do next. Should you stay or should you leave?
It is at moments like these when I wonder what to do… Should I follow my heart or my head?

Neither of the choices are ideal.

I think there were not many situations or experiences in my life, where I had a straight answer – where my heart and head were in agreement.

In the sense that;head-vs-heart-sign
– with change comes doubt
– with change comes insecurity
– with change comes something new

Is it the right choice?
Will I benefit from this?
Will I regret it?
Should I try harder?

Sometimes, you can find “comfort” in the devil you know – at the very least, you are familiar with what you currently have in your life; there is no fear of the un-known.

Thoughts?

What is your biggest regret?

There are days, and times when I struggle to be inspired; I don’t mean it just in finding something to write about, but also in life in general.

There are times, where I feel stuck… Maybe because I don’t think that there is something that exciting going on in my life currently, or perhaps, I start wondering whether I have made the right decisions in the past… Whether I regret something, whether it is too late to start anew.

Then, there are days like today, where you are browsing the internet out of boredom, hoping you come across something interesting… and it finally happens:

Knowing you are not the only person who has regrets, should give you hope and enough inspiration to keep fighting… To take THAT risk, to get out of your comfort zone and make your dreams come true… Because, what could possibly come out of life if you always play it safe, if you don’t feel truly alive… and happy?

What is your biggest regret? Isn’t it the fear itself… The fear of failing?
Take the leap!

Thoughts and Dreams

Last night I was going through my stuff and I came across the leaving card my ex colleagues in England gave me. I reread all the messages and it made think on what could have my life been like if I never left.

2015-04-22 09.17.23

I am still in love with all things British and sometimes I fear I have made a bad decision. I love being close to my family and friends but I miss the green, the nature, the events, the sense of peace and calm in my
stoke life that only that country seems to give me.

With all things going in my life.. especially the house and the cats it should totally feel like I’ve settled down. But truth be told, I wish I could be in two places at once. Or perhaps I can live some of my life here and some there.

But for that to happen I need to be rich or be in a situation were I can work from anywhere in the world and actually afford such comfort.

Now that I have put this on paper I hope that I can put this thought to rest; At least until two months time when I will be travelling to South Wales, London and possibly Kent. God I miss you!