Tag Archives: angry

Take the leap

I have probably wrote about this topic about a gazillion times, but hey ho… I am trying to understand myself better… and at the same time I am wondering if it is just me who’s like this, or whether it is something which is more common than I realise.

I am the kind of person, who puts others before her; be it their needs, their happiness… you name it. I try to always be there, to listen, to help, to support, to give others my two cents. To help them on their way to goodness, fulfillment… joy to the world they say!

And in return, I neglect myself. I put myself through shit.. through disappointment, through pain… just in the name of seeing others doing better. No, I don’t regret being there for friends, I love putting a smile on people’s  faces. But what about me?

Yes, what about me?

Okay, I don’t want to sound selfish… but this is definitely not right. I feel stressed, worn out… at times beyond repair.

My guess is, I am the problem.

I need to learn how to let go…. let go of people and things which are bad for me, who don’t deserve half the time and attention I give them. I need to stop people from abusing my generosity. I need to learn to be okay with just being me, and in my own company and shoes.

I should stop hiding behind other people’s problems and dive into fixing what is wrong with my life and myself. I have been here before, I take on more than I can keep up with, just so I don’t have to think about what needs to get done in my life; to stop focusing on what I am scared to face… to stop working on my dreams, just because I am scared to fail… yet again.

I know that, everything I want is on the other side of fear.

So, why can’t I take the leap?

I know what I want, so why do I do this to myself? Why do I punish myself so much?

More on this topic, here.

 

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Car-Rant

Are you familiar with those days when you are extremely happy, like so happy, you could die? I have had a good number of those in a row. So much so that they freak me out. I believe that for every action there’s an opposite and equal reaction… Meaning, that for every day I am excessively happy, I have a pile of shit waiting for me around the corner.

Boy was I right.

It all started with a slow puncture. Then, my car key decided to stop working on the driver’s side (it still works on passenger’s door, so I have been able to make due until I figure out where I need to take my car to fix this). Yesterday I woke up feeling poorly, and my allergies so bad that I could barely see from one of my eyes, and it would not stop watering! It also was a rainy day; so much so that I do not recall hearing it stop at all during the day. This morning, since I am being ultra-paranoid about everything, I decided to go check on my car. Slow puncture again, and water inside my car. Lovely. As if that is not enough, I learned that the slow puncture is not due to the tyre’s fault but due to the car’s rim. So, 2 days – 3 mishaps.

If this was not my real-life story, I would laugh so much – I mean, this could turn out to be quite the comedy plot.

Dear God, I hope this is enough for now. I have to figure out how to sort all these things out, on top of being in work 9 hours a day. What makes it worse is that I have no clue on how to even begin! I guess, it would have made things easier if I had a man in my life…. Although the feminist in me wants me to chill and take it one step at a time… at least when it happens again (hopefully not), I’ll know what to do. >_>

PS. Why was I so eager to grow up?

Over-tiredness

For the last 3 weeks, I have AGAIN started to struggle with lack of sleep, and/or waking up at random hours of the night. Sometime between 2 and 3 AM seems to be a regular nowadays (even if I sleep after midnight… ugh!).

My body-clock is broken.

And despite this, I have to wake up 6AM latest during the week because I am in work at 7AM; less traffic and parking stress this way.

I have been trying to find a solution for my restless nights as I am becoming overtired now, and still for some reason, I don’t get a full night of sleep. Seems like I am stressed beyond repair.
– I exercise or go for a walk to get my body tired
– Don’t get all worked up and pissed off at people towards sleep time aka alone & quiet time
– Drink Camomile / Herbal tea – Maybe it is time to quit coffee all over again? (I only drink this in the mornings)
– Read before I sleep
– Listen to relaxing music
– Nice, long, bubbly, warm baths before bed

Seems like that none of this is helping, even if I do a combination of two or more.

The more I think about it, the worse it gets.

I am getting frustrated and annoyed, and I can’t figure out a way forward.

Wish I could switch off my brain and my feelings for a few hours a day… Maybe that would do the trick… But I guess I am not a cyborg (half human half machine), so that cannot happen effortlessly.

Rant done.
Over and out.

Doctor Who Experience will close Summer 2017

…In the Dalek’s own words…. “Exterminate!”

As many of you know, I adore Wales and I frequently visit this country, for various reasons. If there was a yearly membership club (or even lifetime), I would totally get it. But today, I have read a piece of news, that has disappointed the geek in me.

dw4If you, like me are a big DoctorWho fan, you know that in the south of Wales, in Cardiff Bay, there is the Doctor Who Experience. Taking into consideration, all things Doctor Who TV Series related that have happened in Cardiff, this is by far the most appropriate location for this fan space.

This year marks the 4th year of the opening of this museum, which I have visited and enjoyed last year in Summer. Due to the agreement BBC Worldwide has made with the Council of the City of Cardiff, the sub-lease will expire in Summer 2017.

Furthermore, closing such attraction would also mean less tourists to the South of Wales, as the Doctor Who franchise and fandom can be considered as an international thing. Doctor Who Experience is currently rated as the number 6 thing to do in Cardiff on Trip Advisor with over 3,000 reviews.

I guess, this is me urging you to visit before it is too late. It is as of yet not known whether such an official place would open elsewhere, so this might be the only opportunity you have to visit such an amazing place full of props used within the TV Series, including previously used Tardis(es) on the set.

Source: Wales Online

Hate Mail

You know you are doing a fantastic job with your blog when amongst your website mail, you start receiving hate mail, or better known as jealous mail.

And you know what? How insecure and pathetic can you be, to send over 3 separate mails  one after the other, in a matter of 4 minutes,without the decency of signing them with your own name and contact details? Clearly, the person who has issues, is the person who hides behind a computer and a fake name. Need I say more?

hm.pngAnd to answer your question; yes, I do screen my comments on this page, and this is for a few reasons:

1. Believe it or not, I receive a lot of spam

2. I do not tolerate ignorant people who either try to:

  • Make fun of what I have said, coming into their own conclusions without verifying if it is true with me first
  • Try to troll others who reply to my blog post

I respect everyone who spends some of their precious time to reply to my articles, and I don’t mind being criticised or challenged but obviously, it needs to be in a constructive manner and not done immaturely. I do research what I write about, unless I am writing about a personal experience, but I am only human and I can be wrong at times.

Kindly also bare in mind, that replying to my comments or emailing me disrespectfully may result into a harassment case and I take these matters seriously.

Having said that, all publicity is good publicity; So, THANK YOU 😉

Dilemmas

What do you do when there’s an awkward silence?
When you run out of things to say…?
How do you come up with another fun topic… without being too obvious?

I don’t want to talk about the weather, or what I am currently up to.
I utterly hate small talk.

Seriously, if I am up to something, I wouldn’t really be online, chatting. (Unless you are special or close enough to me, that you’d trump TV Series, my walks, my outings etc.)

But, what I hate most is, when I am thinking, “oh finally a conversation with more than just a hello, how are you and what’s up” and then the person tells me they have to go because they are bored. Wow. Seriously?
Thank you for taking your time to write that message to me before you leave. You could have come up with a better excuse.

smalltalk.png

Thank you for making my life easier.
I know who I won’t be speaking to tomorrow.

Untitled

What’s with people?

First you open your heart to them, tell them your hopes and your dreams… your weaknesses! Let them in, show them your  wounds, your fears… and then.

THEN.

SILENCE.

Is it me?

Or are they just sons of bitches?

Why pretend you care, when you don’t?

Why do you hurt and disappoint someone who was just fine before you walked in and shattered their life into unwanted, useless pieces.

Why, so horrible?

Why don’t you just fuck off and die?

 

Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant of the day.

Quality over quantity, always.
Be it material things or matters of the heart…

When I cannot think, that things can sink any lower, here I am getting disappointed again.

No, this is not another complaint about my love life, because this is not the case. I assure you!
This is about the so called friends.

As if it is not difficult enough to meet good, loyal, trustworthy people… I mean, I would know… I am not a very sociable person, in fact I would rather be around a few people than a group of loud beings. I have always preferred having a best friend rather than a lot of friends. I am the kind of person, who would rather have one person to count on, than many who don’t.

Every now and then, I try to organise a get together, to see some friends that I haven’t seen in a while. It is difficult to find a time and a day when everyone can join, and we always end up compromising, either regarding who should attend or the location, or the budget. I guess, that is okay, as long as things work out. What sucks is, that you put your heart in it, and since it is agreed upon several weeks before, there is always some sort of expectation for it. Then things get cancelled, and you are back to square one.

Is this normal, or do these things happen to just me?
When the only person who tries to solve things is yourself, is it the beginning of the end? Should I call it quits, before they quit me?

Sometimes you have to give up on people
not because you don’t care,
but because they don’t.

No, it is not OK…

Imagine you are casually walking by the seashore on a Summery Saturday afternoon, minding your own business; sunglasses on, hat on due to the excessive sunlight. As you are peacefully gazing the view in front of you, taking it all in, just a few minutes before you are due to go into work, this group of Maltese males pass by.

Being all ignorant and dense, they’d start talking about you in Maltese (not even whisper, no!), assuming that you are this dumb tourist who wouldn’t get a word they are saying. Comments would start off with nice dress, to what they would do to you if they had the chance, and what the hell am I doing being outdoors all by myself “looking like that”.

Needless to say, I stayed there listening, boiling mad with every statement they say to each other. When it looked like they have said enough, I turned around, smiled and asked them “xi haga ohra?”. For my non-Maltese readers, this would translate to “Anything else?”

Well, that DID shut them up, but this doesn’t explain how rude and respect-less they are to women. I mean, these guys thought they’d get away with it, because I could not understand them… but doesn’t that make it even worse? It is because of situations like these, that I feel like I lost hope in humans, in men…
If it was I who said such statements about guys, that would have made me a slut, but it is somehow cool for men to say these things… Double standards much?

Either way, it is disrespectful and equality on this subject wouldn’t make things fine. Objectifying people is always wrong unless done with consent from all the people involved.