Tag Archives: relationships

The Relationship Masks Are Slipping, But What Can You Do If You Don’t Like What’s Underneath?

The early days of a relationship are always a show of sorts. We put on our best faces for dates and try to paint ourselves in the brightest light possible. If we really like someone, we may even change our views to please them or tell white lies about our true natures.

But, when the relationship gets underway, that mask has to slip. In many ways, this is a good thing. When you let down that guard, true love can come in. Sure, the promise of your ‘perfect man’ might have caught your attention in the first place. But, you may not know he’s ‘the one’ until you seem him at a weak moment.

That said, this slipping of masks is often a painful process, and can be fraught with unpleasant surprises. It may be that there’s a habit or quirk to your partner’s personality which you really don’t like. When you think about it, it makes sense that they would hide this. Who goes on a date and grandstands their worst personality traits? Over time, you may come to realize that your seemingly gentle boyfriend has a nasty temper. Or, perhaps that attentive man spends more time on his phone than you first thought. The issue which makes itself known may be even severe, like a gambling addiction, or something like depression.

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Picture Credit

Sadly, this period is where many relationships end. And, believe it or not, that’s rarely due to the realisation that Mr Perfect is only human. In fact, most of the time, our attempts to change our partners put the nail in the romance coffin. You know how it is; you look past his temper because you think you can cure him of it. You assume that, because he’s with you now, his depression should evaporate.

But, here’s a horrible truth; love isn’t an instant fix. While it is a crucial part of life, it can’t just clear the way of problems. What’s more, approaching a relationship with thoughts of changing a person is the worst thing you can do. It suggests that you love your idea of them, not who they are. And, we all know that love is about accepting someone for their true selves. In fact, the only real time change would be the best route open to you is if this bad personality trait puts your partner at risk. Otherwise, you should attempt to help your partner when you notice these issues. It isn’t easy, but it may be the only way to keep your relationship healthy. And, we’re going to look at a few of the ways you can achieve it.

Recognize their triggers

For the most part, traits like these come with triggers. It’s likely certain things set off that raging temper, for instance. Equally, there may be certain situations which drive a gambler to hit the casino. As their partner, it’s your responsibility to notice. Do this without comment or judgement. Observe and accept the situation. Then, do what you can to help them avoid situations like these where possible. If you see your raging man getting mad, grab his hands and do a quick dance around the room, or something equally fun. This will distract his attention, as well as reinforcing your relationship. You may also notice that he’s more liable to gamble when worried about money. If you’re at the stage where you’re living together, do what you can to keep finances in check, or discuss ways to make more money. Again, this will help with communication, as well as distraction. It may be best, though, not to outwardly tell him about the triggers you’ve noticed. Making him aware of your observations could turn to a trigger in itself. He’ll also then be able to tell when you’re distracting attention, and that could drive him further towards the places you don’t want him to go.

Point him down a better path

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Picture Credit

This step is tricky. Get it wrong, and you could slip into the territory of trying to change your partner. But, if you take your time here, you may find that you can point him down a better path. The trick here is not to speak in definites. Merely make suggestions which you think would improve a situation. Do this subtly, so that your man doesn’t feel you’re preaching to him. It could be that leave a program on television discussing ways to deal with anger. Or, you may want to look at sites like Casino Guru which could at least recommend reliable casinos if he is going to gamble. If mental illness is the issue, talk to him about his treatment options. Through discussions, he may find he settles on a new approach which could work well. And, you can achieve all this without ever directly attempting to change the way your lover behaves. Instead, he’ll come to associate you as a reassuring presence who helps him make his own decisions.

Focus on the future

Focusing on the future is always a good idea in a relationship. If things start to stagnate, it can lead to frustration and disillusionment. But, it becomes even more critical in cases like these. If, for instance, your partner is depressed, a focus on your plans as a couple could be a considerable incentive for recovery. If it’s a mutual decision, a determination to have kids in the future could be all it takes to encourage your partner to get help. Equally, this could encourage them to face up to addictions, be they gambling or anything else. The knowledge of future parenthood could even help with anger management problems. After all, no one wants to be that parent who shouts all the time. Bear in mind that it’s essential you let your partner lead conversations like these. If they aren’t ready to discuss this kind of thing, pressure could push them further into a negative place. But, if you’re both in the same headspace here, the future could be the best tonic.

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How To Spot A Fake Online Dating Profile

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There is no denying the popularity of online dating in the current day and age. In an era when we all seem to be time poor and technology oriented, the Internet provides us with the perfect platform to find Mr. Right. However, the only issue is that there are going to be a lot of Mr. Wrongs out there that you need to weed through first. With that being said, read on to discover how to spot a fake online dating profile so you don’t end up being cat-fished!

    • Lack of detail / discrepancies in their profile story
      When you are genuinely looking to find love, it is important to make your profile detailed so that you attract people that have the same sort of interests as you. You can find some tips on writing an online dating profile here: https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/online-dating-advice/online-dating-profile-tips/online-dating-profile-examples-for-women/. If a profile is lacking any detail, it does not necessarily mean it is fake, but this is a common trait of fake profiles. After all, they do not want to give anything away. They will try to mould themselves into the person they believe you want once they start talking to you. Another sign that a profile is fake is if their story doesn’t add up. Is their profile contradicting what they tell you in their messages?
    • Stock profile photos
      This is one of the key signs that the profile you are looking at is not going to be the love of your life. If their profile appears like a stock photo, then the chances are it probably is. If you do a little bit of digging online, you will probably be able to find the photograph with ease. Moreover, if the profile only contains one photo rather than several, this is another indicator that it could be fake.
    • Let other people spot fake profiles for you
      Last but not least, the best way to make sure you do not fall victim to a fake online dating profile is to use a professional matchmaking service rather than a free online dating website. You can find more information about this by visiting https://macbeth-matchmaking.com/dating/matchmaking-and-dating-services/ . With matchmaking services, every person that joins the agency will be vetted to ensure that they are genuine. You will then be matched to a person based on your likes and interests, as well as what you are looking for from a relationship. This dramatically increases the chances of you finding the perfect man for you.

So there you have it – some useful tips on how to spot a fake online dating profile! If you have noticed any of the signs that have been discussed in this blog post, stay away from the dating profile in question. The last thing you want to do is think you’re meeting up with David Beckham only to discover the man of your dreams is more like David Brent!

5 Steps to NOT be an asshole

It is true that being proud and comfortable with yourself has its benefits… However, if you find yourself looking at your image gallery on social media, and all you are brostop-being-an-assholewsing through is pictures of yourself, you have probably taken it too far. If you find yourself continuously talking about yourself, and your only specialty is proving others wrong, then it’s time to admit you have a problem.

If this bothers you on the verge of becoming pissed off, as you think I am writing about you, keep reading… I dare you!

Here’s a few points on how to build yourself into a regular human being to give you the possibility of having meaningful relationships:

1. Being Right
One of the ways to drive another crazy is this idea that you have to always be right. It gets worse when you are in the wrong, but you keep persisting until you hear the other agreeing with you. The reason why one keeps being so persistent is probably because it feels good to be right. However, this is at a detriment of friendships and relationships, as in reality no one enjoys being proven wrong every time there is an argument; let alone when they are sure they are right!

2. Me first
As much as we should respect ourselves, one should not interrupt another – one should listen. Sometimes, all we need is to be heard. No need to come up with a fix or a solution. Although the intention might be genuine, we need to learn to listen, let the other feel and express what he is feeling and instead, understand what they are going through. If they need your help, they will let you know since they chose to confide in you.

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3. Ass kissing
The opposite of always being right, is trying too hard to get people to like you. Being that person who agrees to anything and everything, will make those around you lose your credibility.  Your words will not mean much since they are adjusted depending on the belief of your audience.

4. Attitude
No one is perfect, and everyone falls in this equation – including you! Stop being such a selfish, inconsiderate jerk. The world is not yours, but ours to share and live in. If you have nothing nice to say, you are better keeping your mouth shut! The only way you can be considerate is by thinking things through – Pause and review what you are about to say; be it in person, on the phone, email etc. Practice makes perfect – Funny, practice makes us better people.

5. Building up
Instead of talking about yourself, spend time to compliment someone unprovoked… Ask a question about themselves and their life in a conversation. Celebrate the success of others, rather than turning the subject about yourself. Stop thinking about yourself and focus on the others in the room with you. If you truly care about those around you, it will sooner or later become natural to do so, and your actions will follow suit.

Don’t Assume A Girl Wants A White Wedding When You Can Have This Much Fun

Just Married

Any avid fans of this blog out there may well remember a blog I did about assumptions you should never make about a girl. There were things on there about how pink isn’t every girls favourite colour, how every girl doesn’t love wearing heels, how some girls love football and that the only genre of films we want to watch are chick flicks. It’s nonsense, as is the belief that all girls want to have a white wedding.

We don’t.

Sure, white weddings are beautiful and elegant and timeless, but that doesn’t mean the classic white wedding is every girl’s cup of tea. Nah ah. Not when there are so many ways to dot some personality around and add a splash of pizzazz and have some fun with the one day that will be remembered forever.

And with that in mind, we have pulled together a list of impossibly fun wedding ideas for all those girls that want to step away from the white wedding thing:

  1. Pre-Wedding Sports Day Party

A lot of the time, the big day will be the first time your guests have met one another and that means there will be a lot of shaking hands, air kisses and testing the waters before people get really loose. Well, why not get past all of this by having pre-wedding sports day party where your bridesmaids and groomsmen can get to know each other in the most fun environment possible.

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  1. Request A Dance Floor Classic

Another great way to make your big day the best kind of riot is to have space on your wedding RSVP cards for song requests. But don’t just let them have free reign, specify that their choices have to be from the naughties. That way you will get some real dancefloor fillers. We’re talking Snow Patrol “Chasing Cars” and Rihanna “Disturbia” and “It’s my Life” by Bon Jovi.

  1. Break Invitation Convention

When it comes to wedding invites, most people think they have to choose a white card with silver writing and then a pretty flower illustration. But that’s nonsense. You can do what you want. You could pick blue wedding invitations if you fancy, or have a scratch card sort of thing where the date gets revealed, or you could invite everyone to a multi-storey car park and then chuck the invites down the stairwell like you would an American house party.

  1. Flower Girls From A Different Generation

Think of a flower girl and you probably imagine your cousin’s daughter’s wearing pretty frocks as they sprinkle petals down the aisle. But just imagine how amazing it would be to break convention and have your grandma’s play the role instead, skipping along with baskets on their arm. Amazing.

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  1. Hand Out Them Sparklers

Okay, so this modern trend is fast becoming a wedding mainstay, and for good reason. The sparkler exit is just the most epic way to leave your own bash; each of your friends waving sparklers in front of the night sky as you and your love leave for your new life together. Trust us, this will be the photo you cherish more than any other.

  1. Midnight Feasts, Yes Please

Everyone tends to get a little peckish late in the night (when those signature cocktails of yours start to kick in). Well, instead of having cheese and biscuits or whatever else, you should hire a food truck to come and save the day. Come on, how cool would it be to have a burger van show up as everyone starts to feel hunger rumble away in their bellies.

  1. Liquid Confidence

There are two things that will get most people on the dancefloor; great music and a glass of wine. That tends to do the trick. If, however, there are still people that aren’t quite feeling confident enough, you should give the classic chalkboard a makeover using some quotes like, “Trust me, you can dance” – Vodka. You’ll be amazed at how much it works.

  1. Colourful Bridesmaids

Traditionally speaking, bridesmaids all wear the same dress in the same colour. And it looks nice. But we would much prefer to be supported by an array of friends rocking different shades. Have them look stunning in the same dress, just let them rock different colours. It looks soooo good. It really-really does.

  1. Order Of Service

We love how personal people get with their order of service programs. They have a so and so is going to speak and such and such a hymn is going to play and then this poem will be read. But why not just keep it short and simple. “Music will play. We will get married. The party kicks off.” Done.

Steffi Advice #5: Will you settle down for much less than you deserve?

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Dear Steffi,

This year I will be 30 years old, and I think it is high time I settle down, get married, have a family of my own. I have been seeing the same man for just over a year and I think we are old enough to take our relationship to the next level, since we both share the same goal of having kids. I will propose to him this summer. Although he is not the man I thought I’d be with, he has proven to be loyal and committed. He doesn’t have a good job, but maybe that will change if we get more serious. He says he cares about me but he is not passionate around me. When I tell him my worries or ask for help, he doesn’t do much about them. He doesn’t mistreat me and that is to me, very important. I have been in lots of long relationships but never found someone who wants to have a family with me. Should I risk it all and propose? My friends are not being supportive.

Hard-Headed

—————–—————–

Dear Hard-Headed,

Just like you, I have not been very lucky with all things love and relationships. I have had 3 major relationships, but they all turned to dust after around 3 to 4 years. I spent months wondering what I have been doing wrong, and what could I have possibly done so bad in my life to deserve this; but I have not yet found an answer. So every time, I pulled myself together, and tried again. I’m 28 years old, and I must admit that I am not where I thought I’d me in my love life. But that does not mean that I’d jump the gun as soon as I hear someone saying that they want to get married and have kids. It is currently one of the goals I want to reach, but is he the ideal partner to do it with?

Are you ready to live a life with no passion and no public affection? Have you even thought how this would affect your future children? And he does mistreat you, if he doesn’t listen to you, if he doesn’t help you…. If he doesn’t try to cheer you up when you are down! It is not the words that make up a man, it is his actions. If he doesn’t help you now, when it’s all about you two, how do you expect him to help you when there are little children running about? I wouldn’t call it a family, if there is no respect, no empathy, no affection and no support…

Being a lover of literature and romance, I consider myself to be a very old fashioned person when it comes to love and relationships. I would never settle for someone who doesn’t find time to make me feel special, and the occasional romantic surprise.

Much Love x x x

Not so “Gone Girl”

This blog post will include some spoilers and my point of view on the book/movie story line and this subject in general.

Finally I have got around reading the book and watching the movie. It is not that I have struggled to read the book, because it is very well written and it keeps you hooked on the story line. The problem is that I am no longer an avid reader as I keep getting distracted easily; with series, cooking, photography, cats and what not.gonegirl

I’d say that the movie was very appropriate and true to the story in the book especially since Gillian Flynn has actually written the screenplay herself. However, I feel it was very fitting to read the book beforehand as it has filled in some gaps and questions that the movie has left out. Case in point, the main reason why Nick has stayed with Amy after all she has done, was because she had further evidence to lock him up. Eventually he finds the evidence and throws it away and that is when Amy stepped the game up and got pregnant.

Psychologically, the plot is very effective, especially since the writer shows the two sides of the story. All the toying with the viewer has kept me curious and on the edge throughout. I do hope that they’d consider turning more of Gillian’s books into movies.

Favourite quote from Gone Girl:
“We have each other, and everything else is background noise.”
It is romantic as hell.

In truth,how many of us have pretended to be better than they actually are to impress someone who they have had a crush on? How many of us have kept the sharade going to salvage what is left of a relationship? In the end, reality catches with all of us, so I think it is better to fall for someone for who he/she truly is… I know, I wont settle for anything else…

The Loudest Silent Conversation

There’s this video going around at the moment on social media, and it made me think. Does true love ever dies? If, we part ways with the best love we have ever had, what happens then?

This is the story of two artists; Marina and Ulay who broke up in the 1970s. As a tribute to their relationship back then, they went to the opposite side of the Wall of China, and walked towards each other for one last hug… one last embrace. After 30 years of being apart, Ulay makes his way into Marina’s life during one of her art performances. Watch what happens then….

…It makes you think, don’t you think?

Have you ever wondered why some people are more curious than others?

curiosity…Well, I did. So I researched the topic, to try and understand this phenomenon.

Being curious is much related to the exploratory behaviour of a person in his early life. Some of us are more interested in familiarity, others feel the need to be subjected to new experiences and the novelty of life. According to research the brain structure is different depending on how you were raised and whether one is more drawn towards novelty or towards familiarity.

As a trait, being curious make you more aware of the changes going on both inside you and around you. When something is of interest you are more often then not head over heels about it and explore it to the depth, and beyond when possible. Being curious works hand in hand with intelligence as when one is curious, one reads and learns. They are better at maintaining relationships, not just because they have more to talk about, but because they have an attitude of openness, passion and interest, which decreases the odds of becoming bored of each other.

When one stops being curious and showing interest in the things around him, then one can say that his way of thinking is polluted. This would affect a person’s creativity, problem solving skills as well as feeling disconnected from others. They would fear the unknown, getting to know new people and will be stuck in a world of their own. Not in the good kind of way; they will hold onto the past because that is familiar.

And till this day, I keep wondering, and thinking. Why was life so much slower when I was younger? Time does not go by faster now, but sure feels like it! I ask myself, how people can not be curious? Why some don’t question life after death? How can you believe that heaven exists, when there’s no proof? Although, that would be nice, and would give me comfort at night.

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What is on your mind? What are you curious about?