Tag Archives: person

Take the leap

I have probably wrote about this topic about a gazillion times, but hey ho… I am trying to understand myself better… and at the same time I am wondering if it is just me who’s like this, or whether it is something which is more common than I realise.

I am the kind of person, who puts others before her; be it their needs, their happiness… you name it. I try to always be there, to listen, to help, to support, to give others my two cents. To help them on their way to goodness, fulfillment… joy to the world they say!

And in return, I neglect myself. I put myself through shit.. through disappointment, through pain… just in the name of seeing others doing better. No, I don’t regret being there for friends, I love putting a smile on people’s  faces. But what about me?

Yes, what about me?

Okay, I don’t want to sound selfish… but this is definitely not right. I feel stressed, worn out… at times beyond repair.

My guess is, I am the problem.

I need to learn how to let go…. let go of people and things which are bad for me, who don’t deserve half the time and attention I give them. I need to stop people from abusing my generosity. I need to learn to be okay with just being me, and in my own company and shoes.

I should stop hiding behind other people’s problems and dive into fixing what is wrong with my life and myself. I have been here before, I take on more than I can keep up with, just so I don’t have to think about what needs to get done in my life; to stop focusing on what I am scared to face… to stop working on my dreams, just because I am scared to fail… yet again.

I know that, everything I want is on the other side of fear.

So, why can’t I take the leap?

I know what I want, so why do I do this to myself? Why do I punish myself so much?

More on this topic, here.

 

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Forgetfulness

I hold no shame when I say, I am terrible at names, be it regular people I meet randomly, colleagues or celebrities. I sure take my sweet time to remember names, and sometimes I forget again when I lose contact or I stop watching a TV series (in case of celebrities!). I have never been one who learns by heart, but instead i learn logically or things which in my head make sense. It kind of explains that the only 3 phone numbers I know are my mum’s, dad’s and mine. All of which I have learned more than a decade ago. I can’t even for the life of me remember my landline number. Funny I know!

forgetfulness

I think it is rather ironic that I struggle with this, yet there are events in my life and sometimes people too, who I would much rather forget about… And why is it so easy to remember song lyrics (especially when they are so damn silly!). I swear, it has to do with the rhythm of the music…Maybe such things are taking too much of my “brain space” – space which I can use for more fruitful and useful things.

Are you with me on this one?

I Miss You

As a person who thinks a lot, my mind dwells… Especially in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep… How awful is that? 😉

Well last night, I made a ground-breaking discovery; It might be nothing unusual for some, but in my case it helps me understand myself and others around me better.

When someone says I miss you, how often is it meaningful, and how often is it just a conversation filler? These words are so often overused, that they tend to lose their meaning just like when you say I love you every five minutes. It has become such a habit for people to say it, that you just never know when it is truthful or not. Besides, what are you supposed to say when someone says this to you? Oh yeah… I miss you too.

I have also realised, that there are two kinds of “I miss you”

  • There’s the I miss you when I am bored and lonely
    So basically, this is when you are bored in work, or at home and have nothing better to do. So you would miss certain people in your life. Perhaps a good friend or someone important to you.
  • There’s the I miss you when I am busy and having lots of fun
    The nicest kind of I miss you, as you are thinking of certain people while you are having a blast – You are having such a lovely time, yet you feel something is missing and you wish that person is there to enjoy it with you. True affection, need I say more?

I have never been the kind of person who overuses such phrases.

I am a romantic, I love literature, I think I am passionate and quite an emotional person with the right people.my

This in mind;
I make sure that when I say these words, I mean them.
When I say these words, I am genuine.
And I do not expect a mutual agreement.
Because… you should say such words not to seek attention, but because that is how you feel.

Compliments

I am not a person who accepts compliments easily and for various reasons
– Lack of self confidence
– People are more often than not, not genuine, and compliment you out of sarcasm, or simply to compliment them back
– Just awkward, especially when it is a random unknown person

Lets take an example of what has happened today. I got home right after work, 15 minutes before the shops close, I realised I forgot to buy something I needed for the day so I dressed up in the first thing I found nearby and went out. In the next 10 minutes, I was “complimented” by 3 strangers; two regarding my hair, and another regarding my general appearance.
In my eyes (or in my head, because I didn’t look in the mirror!), these adjectives sounded like they were untrustworthy, and were simply said in attempt to get my attention.

When I am feeling upset, or perhaps I am having a bad day, these words give me a bit of a boost… but on average I pretend that I have not heard a thing and keep walking. Well, even if I were to accept such words, should I just keep muttering thank you to  each and every non-creepy looks legit enough person?

 

I’ll be there for you…

It seems that in the past few years, several people who I used to know or I was at school with, have decided to give up. They have realised that it is time, they’d let their struggles win, and simply let go of their physical life.

The news I read today, has devastated me.

It just makes me realise how fragile we are… How people can appear like they are having the time of their life from the outside, yet they feel dead inside; empty.
I can speak from experience when I say, that some of us can hide their feelings very well from the society we live in, and only break down when alone, in a safe place. I guess, it is difficult to admit that we are weak, in the fear of being ridiculed or shut down, when we show our true feelings. Experiencing neglect and being misunderstood is definitely much worse than feeling sad and insecure in your own head.

But this is our problem. If we don’t admit defeat, if we don’t ask for help… how do we get better? How can we win a fight we are not even trying to battle?

Moreover, if it is not you, but a friend of yours, how would you manage to detect their depression, insecurities and concerns? How can you help them, without making them admit they are suffering and going downhill?

I keep wondering, if someone knew what was going on, maybe the death could have been prevented? If someone cared enough, offered a cushion or a shoulder, tried to understand… Maybe the world could lose less people to suicide.

Should we stop asking questions?

Should we stop asking questions, and accept our fate?
Should we just give up on things being how we want them to be?
Should we stop worrying… take life as it comes?
Should we stop dreaming?
Should stop challenging ourselves?
Should we not aim for the stars?

I will never stop questioning things, I will never stop learning things, I will never be okay with where I stand. For if I do, then what’s next? I’d be stuck for eternity doing the same things, living the same life.

Questions will help you grow.

questions

I want to see the world, experience new adventures and new cultures.
I want to be more than just Steffi who works in IT.
I do not want my job to define me, and I don’t want my life to be linear.
I want to evolve, become a better person of myself.
I want my life to be exciting, hopeful and achievement driven.

I want be satisfied; I am content with what I have, but to me contentment is knowing that there will always be something new to discover and that boredom will never be a threat.

People.

I know, the title of this blog post is a little bit out there and a little bit generic, but today, I am in the mood of writing what’s on my mind and that’s about it. This won’t be the most structured post you will read from my end, but it will contain some raw thoughts coming up straight from my brain onto paper.

Why are some people so hard to figure out?

I’m all up for challenges, as I am not one who likes things easy in life (might be because I always work hard to get what I want, and I was never spoon fed), but sometimes you just want things to go your way without a single word or disagreement.

It bothers me when people behave around me (in private) one way… being all funny and goofy and sweet and loyal…. and then in public they are a totally different person. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate that they feel comfortable enough around me and trust me enough to show me their soft side, but why all the changes? Why do you have to turn into a cold / inconsiderate / macho beast when with friends?

Is this normal, or is this because one of their personalities is fake, just to lure people in their life?

As if life is a popularity contest.

I know that as a person, I behave different with different people, but mainly because some of my acquaintances do not appreciate certain qualities I have and I’d rather not create chaos and go with the flow. But with people I know, love or consider as friends… I’d be truly myself…. and if you can’t deal with that… it’s your loss.

Thoughts?

12 Things you should not assume about a Girl

Let me share with you some basics about girls. These are based on my experiences from being a teenager until now:

  1. Our favourite colour is pink
    Why would you think something like that? Is it because all the boys like blue? Ha!
  2. We love wearing heels
    Some of us do, I suppose… But I do not see the point of wearing shoes that cause discomfort, and then complain about it all night long. The only time you’d find me in heels is in special occasions such as weddings, and trust me – I wear them because they’re mandatory and not for any other reason.
  3. We dislike watching football
    I won’t speak for all women here, but watching football is a lot of fun and a fantastic way to relax, get mad at people and enjoy eating snacks and beer. (*) See point 5.
  4. When we get dressed up is because we want to get laid
    Not really. If I dress up, I do it for myself. Sometimes I like pampering myself and look good.
  5. Beer is disgusting
    Are you kidding me? It is one of my favourite beverages, as is wine and Jagerrmeister. Also stout and ale. Yum!
  6. We love cleaning the house
    You might as well say that women “belong in the kitchen!” too. This statement might have been okay in the 70s when women stayed home and didn’t work, but in today’s society, it is absurd and I believe everyone should clean.
  7. All we want from life is to have your babies
    We have more purpose in life than having babies, like careers.. traveling, learning. Having babies and a family, is nowadays just one of the options and/or possibilities for a girl. And why can’t we obtain more than one? 🙂
  8. We are not into video games
    Some of us enjoy gaming as one of our pastimes or a way to exercise. It might not be our life, but we can definitely be up to play some games with you.
  9. We are not good in math
    Or science… Right. When I was at school studying IT and Software Development, the guys believed that I would fail because this is a male’s world. But here I am, two diplomas and a degree later, and with tons of IT experience. Again… the world has changed.
  10. We only love watching chick flicks
    What if this is true? Does this make us weak? NO! 
  11. We can’t make our own decisions
    Let’s hope for our sake that this applies for all women: We are mature and sensible enough to make our own decisions. We are not stubborn, and if you are important to us, we listen to your ideas, and we factor them in our decision process.
  12. When we are nice, it doesn’t mean we are flirting
    If this were true, I’d be one of the biggest flirts in the world. I’d like to think of myself as a good person, for those who deserve it. So I am nice, I am helpful, I am patient. But please, in no way shall you mistake this to me being flirty. Thank you.

never-assume

Perfect Imperfections

Sometimes, we refer to a person or an object as ‘perfect’… But truth be told, nothing can be perfect. In order for something to be perfect, everyone needs to believe it is. We are all individuals (lets forget the sheep-people for this example), which means that we all have our own preferences and perceptions on things.

perfection is a myth

The definition of perfect, is something which has all the desirable requirements, qualities and characteristics one needs. It is the absolute, it cannot get any better.
On this, I would add, that in terms of objects, technology is always advancing. Meaning, what is ‘perfect’ or top notch today, will not be tomorrow…

Perfect, is not truly perfect.
It is perfect only in our own eyes or minds.
It’s a perfect imperfection.

perfect imperfectinsWe simply tolerate some things which we would otherwise despair on, because we convince ourselves that this problem is not important enough to bring us down, or ruin our relationship. Or perhaps, we love the person or the object so much, that we are blinded from its defects.

A beautiful thing, is never perfect.. We were born to be different, to make a(n) (good) impact on each other’s life… Make history!

Perfection (as is beauty) is in the eye of the beholder, is it not?