Tag Archives: advise

8 things to strengthen one’s relationship

Given the last 13 years of somewhat unsuccessful relationship “experience”, I have tried to gather and combine a list of things or tips, which I think would make or help in having a satisfying and working long term relationship.

  1. Honesty; Possibly the most important thing of all. Always be honest and truthful to each other, on all things in your life, be it as a couple or individual. Honesty helps you feel more comfortable and assured on where you stand in your love affair.
  2. Be respectful – Mutual respect is important in maintaining a healthy relationship. The wishes and feelings of each other are valuable even when you disagree. Be genuine and show interest in your partner’s life and hobbies – such things can only bring you closer as a couple.
  3. Trust – This is the foundation of a happy and fulfilling relationship. It take time to build trust and can be lost in a split of a second if one feels betrayed. Examples of being trustworthy are: being reliable and following up on your promises, share what you feel and always say the truth, be a safe place for your partner, be consistent (not only when it is convenient or things are going well).
  4. Be considerate – Keep each other in the loop, ask for holdinghandssunseteach other’s advise in decision making, especially when this will affect your life together as a couple.
  5. Affection – don’t just say that you love your partner; demonstrate it. Kiss each other good morning, be passionate, hold hands in public, take pictures together – make memories… surprise each other with a romantic date or a gift.
  6. Know your Priorities – Although we all lead busy lives, we should always find time for our partners. If you don’t see this as important, perhaps you should spend some time to think about this and why you are hanging onto a relationship which you don’t feel devoted to. If we all invest as much time on our relationship as we do texting, playing games, on social media and watching TV  or films, we might actually have a meaningful relationship.
  7. Security – Show that your partner can count on you to be there in times of need; be it emotionally or physically.
  8. Be a team  – You are stronger together, as a team. Make plans, ensure you have shared goals and same purposes and views long term. Work together.

yourman

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Should we stop asking questions?

Should we stop asking questions, and accept our fate?
Should we just give up on things being how we want them to be?
Should we stop worrying… take life as it comes?
Should we stop dreaming?
Should stop challenging ourselves?
Should we not aim for the stars?

I will never stop questioning things, I will never stop learning things, I will never be okay with where I stand. For if I do, then what’s next? I’d be stuck for eternity doing the same things, living the same life.

Questions will help you grow.

questions

I want to see the world, experience new adventures and new cultures.
I want to be more than just Steffi who works in IT.
I do not want my job to define me, and I don’t want my life to be linear.
I want to evolve, become a better person of myself.
I want my life to be exciting, hopeful and achievement driven.

I want be satisfied; I am content with what I have, but to me contentment is knowing that there will always be something new to discover and that boredom will never be a threat.

What do you want in life?

There it is – possibly one of the biggest questions you can ask yourself, and the people around you.

If you were to ask me, it is very difficult to not know what you want in life.

Okay, I am not expecting you to have it all planned out, or to know every single step of the way, but surely you know where you want to end up, realistically speaking. I don’t think there’s any person in the world, who has never thought about this. I mean how could you? Even if you just day dream…. Everyone has plans… Maybe for some, it is just hard to admit or to share with others. But they are there; at the back of your mind.

I mean…

  • Who would want to end up doing the same first job over and over again for the rest of his life?
  • Who wants to live with his parents for ever and ever?
  • Who doesn’t dream of a better future, or of bettering themselves?

Surely there are things that you want to achieve, be it small or huge… we are the only ones who stand in our way to make things come true. Or perhaps, someone close to you who can’t seem to make up their mind.

Always remember, no pain – no gain. A life without struggles, is not worth living; or having.

Steffi Advice #3 – Inhabitable Situation with Parents

Dear Steffi,

I am 32 years old and I still live with my parents. I am about to be married in 2 years, and it is best to stay with them as it is cheaper this way and can save more money for the wedding. But they make me so angry, I want to punch a wall sometimes.

Wall Puncher

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Dear Wall Puncher,

I can understand your situation as I have a lot of friends and acquaintances who went through this problem. When you are of a certain age, and you want your own privacy and space, it is a huge challenge to keep living with your parents without any fights and disruptions. Two years is quite some time, and I doubt that you should wait this long. Being stressed and angry with your situation, is not only bad for your relationship with your parents, but also with your soon to be spouse as well as with friends. It can affect your sleep and thus your behaviour at work and your motivation in everything else. I would suggest that you find a flat mate or perhaps see if one of your friends would like to join forces to live together to reduce costs. if you have bought a home with your partner and it’s habitable you can consider moving there, if you are both in agreement to it. You can give it a try for a number of days, and see if you prefer this to your current living situation. Good luck!

Much Love XXX

Steffi Advice #1 – Single and Frustrated

Dear Steffi,

I have been single for a number of years and I am starting to wonder why I have been for so long. Most guys that are interested in me are either nerd looking or those who just wanna have sex and get on with life without me. What do you think am I doing wrong?

Frustrated.

—————–

Dear Frustrated,

Although a number of years might seem to be a long time, it spares you the heart ache of dating someone who you do not have enough interest in. Fill up your time with other things, stop waiting for prince charming. Love comes when you least expect it, or so they say. I have been single for almost a year myself, but I have come into terms with it. There’s nothing wrong with being single. Love yourself, enjoy the freedom. There will be time in your life when you are going to regret not taking advantage of this situation. Travel, read, learn a sport or a hobby, have random chats with strangers, focus on yourself.
I’m sure there are good men out there, he will come to you… or you will come to him; at the right moment, at the right time. Maybe you will have to kiss a few frogs before you find the prince, but remember… everyday you are one step closer.
As much as I don’t want you to give up, I want you to make the most out of your current situation.

Much Love XX

First Advise / Opinion contact received

So today I have received the first contact on my website, asking for advice. I am  really happy about this, because it means that random people are coming across my blog, and they are entrusting me in being part of their decision making.

I would like to thank this person, and let them know that I will be replying to their question tomorrow. This delay is so that I can think it through and give you the best answer possible. It will be worth the wait I hope 🙂

If you do have any questions or feedback, please do so by clicking here.