Tag Archives: relationship

We All Have Our Problems – Common Relationship Troubles Many Couples Have To Face

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There is no such thing as the perfect couple. Whether we want to admit it or not, we all have our problems. It doesn’t matter how much you and your partner love one another; At some point, you are going to face a trouble or two, many of which have the power to cause major damage to your relationship. Perhaps a sister-in-law throws you daggers at every family function, or a promotion keeps you at work more than you’d like. Whatever the issue, it’s how you deal with it that’s important. With that in mind, here are ten common relationship troubles and how to handle them.

Problems With Loved Ones

No one chooses their family, but that fact doesn’t make your life any easier when you come to realize that your partner’s don’t particularly like you. However, instead of focusing on the negatives of the situation, you should try to look for the positives. For example, without these people, you wouldn’t have your partner at all. That being said, if a parent, sibling, or cousin does insist on being rude for no reason, you may want to bring it up with your partner at some point.

Not Enough Time Together

Couples tend to spend a lot of time together, especially when they live with one another. Because of this, when a couple starts to see each other less and less, it can create an upsetting and frustrating situation. To remedy this issue, you should plan time together in advance, and do everything you can to ensure that nothing interrupts your plans. If you’re both very busy, this can be a challenge, but it’s very rarely impossible. You can also text and call each other every day.

Too Much Time Together

That being said, some time apart from one another isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it can be incredibly valuable to a healthy relationship. It’s easy to feel suffocated when you’re with your significant other every minute of the day, so be sure you both plan things to do on your own. This could be to practice a hobby, visit your friends, head to the gym, or anything else you want to do without your partner. Be sure not to contact each other too much during this time, or there isn’t any point.

A Lack Of Trust

The reason some couples spend all of their time together is because of a lack of trust. For one reason or another, they don’t want their partners going off on their own, and so aim to be with them at all times. However, trust is an essential part of any relationship, which means that, if you don’t have any, it will cause problems. To build this trust up, you should both make an effort to be honest and consistent. You should also consider combatting your reasons for this lack of faith.

Insecurities About The Future

No one gets into a relationship planning for it to end. However, when you and your partner are going down different paths, this becomes more and more likely, causing serious insecurity. This is why you should speak to one another and try to find a compromise. For example, if you want children, but your partner has already had a vasectomy, they may be willing to adopt or have a reversal vasectomy to make this possible. There’s no use in worrying until you’ve talked about it.

Frequent Conflicts Concerning Money

Money is a major cause of trouble for most relationships, especially when you and your partner have wildly different spending habits. If you like to save and prepare for the future, but they blow their paycheque the first week of every month, it’s going to cause conflict now and then. Instead of shouting and screaming about it, you should sit down, talk it out, and find a middle ground you’re both happy with. Also, work together to solve money worries, rather than placing blame.

Vices Are An Issue

When you live your life mostly sober, but have a partner that smokes, drinks, or takes drugs regularly, it can make you feel uncomfortable, resulting in a distance and tension between the two of you. Telling your partner to quit is the simple solution to this issue, but they shouldn’t have to change themselves for you, even if their habit is harming their health. They need to want to change for themselves. However, you can ask that they keep their vices away from you.

Putting The Relationship Last

Being in a relationship for a long time can cause couples to take one another for granted. Instead of putting your partner first, like you would have done not so long ago, you start to cancel dates, leave messages unreplied to, and ignore simple requests. This may not seem like that big of a deal to you, but it will to your significant other. While there will be times when something else is genuinely more important, for the most part, you should put your relationship above all else.

Daily Wars About Chores

Some of the biggest arguments in relationships are all because of chores. Of course, when it seems as if you’re doing all of the housework alone, it’s easy to become frustrated, but, instead of blowing up, you should stay cool and have a calm conversation. List every chore in the house that needs to be done and decide between you who wants to do what. If there’s a task neither of you wants, then consider taking it in turns or hiring a professional to do it for you.

The Fun Is Gone

Boredom is a common issue for couples, especially for those that have been with each other for years. However, instead of resigning to a stale life, you should bring up the problem with your significant other. Chances are, they feel the exact same way that you do. If this is true, you should see if you can find any ways to spice things up again. A lot of couples find that going on a date or two is enough to bring back the feelings of the “honeymoon period” of their relationship.

Every relationship has troubles it needs to face. With the advice above, you should be able to deal with a few of the most common ones and get things back on track with your partner.   

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Happy 2019, everyone!

As another year is coming towards the end, I wanted to express how thankful I am.

A year in which I have learned what’s important, and who’s important. A year in which I struggled, and I conquered. A year where I doubted myself, but I managed to rise again. A year which thought me to love unconditionally. To do right thing. To let go of those who brought negativity into my life. To let go of those who made me feel miserable. I have learned to focus on what I have, instead of what I don’t. 

Instead of recapping this whole year, I will write about the future. There’s so much to look forward to in the coming year.

2019 is the year we have been working towards. The year we have been waiting eagerly for. 2019 is our year! It has a lot of firsts, and a lot of milestones for us. In 2019 I will…

  •  ♡ Get married to my soulmate! ♡
  •  I will travel together with my husband-to-be for the first time outside of Europe!
  •  We will together own our dream-house!

And guess what? The best is yet to come!

Happy 2019, everyone!

Bad Relationships: How And Why You Should Get Out Of Them

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Image credit

Far too many people stay in bad relationships that end up affecting their mental health and ruining their chances in life. If you’re in one of those relationships at the moment; it is essential that you do something about it as soon as possible. Lots of women feel like they’re stuck, and so the information on this page should come in handy. The article explains why you need to get out of the relationship, and it also offers some advice on the methods and strategies you might like to consider. With that in mind, let’s get started!

Why you need to get out of your bad relationship

Confidence

People in adverse or negative relationships will always suffer a lack of confidence that can affect their lives in many different ways. You might never apply for that dream job, and you might never fulfill your ambitions of launching a company or volunteering and traveling the world.

Happiness

As mentioned a moment ago, bad relationships can affect your mental health and leave you feeling depressed or anxious. Unless you want to visit a therapist every week and take medication for the rest of your life; it is imperative that you remove yourself from the situation as soon as possible.

Opportunities

Being in a bad relationship can mean you never take up the opportunities available because you worry about their effect on your partner. That can mean you miss out on a lot of things that could change your life for the better.

How you should get out of your bad relationship

Stay with friends

You might feel like there is no hope and nowhere to go. However, most of us have understanding friends who will help out when we need them most. So, maybe you could go and stay with someone you know for a few weeks to get your head straight?

Accept a new job

Getting yourself out of your routine and putting yourself in a position to meet lots of new people is always a sensible move. Maybe you could accept a new job in a different city or something similar? Use that as an excuse to end the relationship and start over.

Get a divorce

If you made the mistake of marrying the wrong person; things could become a little more complicated. However, you just need to speak to a divorce lawyer and ask for their assistance. With a bit of luck, you can start the ball rolling in a matter of days, and you are sure to feel better straight away.

Now you know how and why you need to get out of your bad relationship; you should feel a little more confident in creating your plan of action. It could be good if you could sit down with the person, explain your problems, and iron them out. However, that isn’t always possible, and so sometimes you have to put yourself first. Whatever happens, ensure you make improvements in your life and avoid getting into relationships with the wrong people in the future.  

The Relationship Masks Are Slipping, But What Can You Do If You Don’t Like What’s Underneath?

The early days of a relationship are always a show of sorts. We put on our best faces for dates and try to paint ourselves in the brightest light possible. If we really like someone, we may even change our views to please them or tell white lies about our true natures.

But, when the relationship gets underway, that mask has to slip. In many ways, this is a good thing. When you let down that guard, true love can come in. Sure, the promise of your ‘perfect man’ might have caught your attention in the first place. But, you may not know he’s ‘the one’ until you seem him at a weak moment.

That said, this slipping of masks is often a painful process, and can be fraught with unpleasant surprises. It may be that there’s a habit or quirk to your partner’s personality which you really don’t like. When you think about it, it makes sense that they would hide this. Who goes on a date and grandstands their worst personality traits? Over time, you may come to realize that your seemingly gentle boyfriend has a nasty temper. Or, perhaps that attentive man spends more time on his phone than you first thought. The issue which makes itself known may be even severe, like a gambling addiction, or something like depression.

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Picture Credit

Sadly, this period is where many relationships end. And, believe it or not, that’s rarely due to the realisation that Mr Perfect is only human. In fact, most of the time, our attempts to change our partners put the nail in the romance coffin. You know how it is; you look past his temper because you think you can cure him of it. You assume that, because he’s with you now, his depression should evaporate.

But, here’s a horrible truth; love isn’t an instant fix. While it is a crucial part of life, it can’t just clear the way of problems. What’s more, approaching a relationship with thoughts of changing a person is the worst thing you can do. It suggests that you love your idea of them, not who they are. And, we all know that love is about accepting someone for their true selves. In fact, the only real time change would be the best route open to you is if this bad personality trait puts your partner at risk. Otherwise, you should attempt to help your partner when you notice these issues. It isn’t easy, but it may be the only way to keep your relationship healthy. And, we’re going to look at a few of the ways you can achieve it.

Recognize their triggers

For the most part, traits like these come with triggers. It’s likely certain things set off that raging temper, for instance. Equally, there may be certain situations which drive a gambler to hit the casino. As their partner, it’s your responsibility to notice. Do this without comment or judgement. Observe and accept the situation. Then, do what you can to help them avoid situations like these where possible. If you see your raging man getting mad, grab his hands and do a quick dance around the room, or something equally fun. This will distract his attention, as well as reinforcing your relationship. You may also notice that he’s more liable to gamble when worried about money. If you’re at the stage where you’re living together, do what you can to keep finances in check, or discuss ways to make more money. Again, this will help with communication, as well as distraction. It may be best, though, not to outwardly tell him about the triggers you’ve noticed. Making him aware of your observations could turn to a trigger in itself. He’ll also then be able to tell when you’re distracting attention, and that could drive him further towards the places you don’t want him to go.

Point him down a better path

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Picture Credit

This step is tricky. Get it wrong, and you could slip into the territory of trying to change your partner. But, if you take your time here, you may find that you can point him down a better path. The trick here is not to speak in definites. Merely make suggestions which you think would improve a situation. Do this subtly, so that your man doesn’t feel you’re preaching to him. It could be that leave a program on television discussing ways to deal with anger. Or, you may want to look at sites like Casino Guru which could at least recommend reliable casinos if he is going to gamble. If mental illness is the issue, talk to him about his treatment options. Through discussions, he may find he settles on a new approach which could work well. And, you can achieve all this without ever directly attempting to change the way your lover behaves. Instead, he’ll come to associate you as a reassuring presence who helps him make his own decisions.

Focus on the future

Focusing on the future is always a good idea in a relationship. If things start to stagnate, it can lead to frustration and disillusionment. But, it becomes even more critical in cases like these. If, for instance, your partner is depressed, a focus on your plans as a couple could be a considerable incentive for recovery. If it’s a mutual decision, a determination to have kids in the future could be all it takes to encourage your partner to get help. Equally, this could encourage them to face up to addictions, be they gambling or anything else. The knowledge of future parenthood could even help with anger management problems. After all, no one wants to be that parent who shouts all the time. Bear in mind that it’s essential you let your partner lead conversations like these. If they aren’t ready to discuss this kind of thing, pressure could push them further into a negative place. But, if you’re both in the same headspace here, the future could be the best tonic.

Engagement Day

For many, the 19th of May meant nothing but the marriage of Prince Harry to Megan dsc_5108.jpgMarkle. To myself, my partner and our families, it was the day of our Engagement Party. For us, it was a very important day, not just as a milestone in our relationship but also because we wanted to share this with our closest family and friends. We wanted them to be present and share with us the happiness and love such an event brings.

It was also the first time my partner, Daniel, met with my entire family – with all my uncles and aunties. I thought it is a very important step before our wedding day next year to get to know where I’ve come from.

Since we planned the party ourselves, the months which lead to our party were busy; we spent a considerable amount of time planning it out. Not just the food, but also the music list, the guest list. Coming up with the invitation, and the decor. Needless to say the decor was for me the most exciting and challenging part. Thinking about what we might need on the day, creating and customising props and buying decor. Although I did most of the research, we chose everything together. Daniel also worked on building a wooden box from scratch, in which we put the cards the guests brought us on the day.

The party itself was filled with smiles and happy relatives and friends. It was also a get-together, as some of the guests we did not see for a good number of years! I thought, it was great, that we managed to do this. Especially for the fact that it was the first time in 24 years that my mother’s siblings were all under the same roof! Having family living overseas, makes it difficult for all of us to meet for every occasion, especially those who live as far as South Africa!

The blessing of the rings, and the cutting of the cake, were the highlight of the evening for us, mainly because of what they symbolise. The joining of two, who have the same outlook and dreams in life. To love, and to cherish. Now onto the big day next year!

 

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5 Steps to NOT be an asshole

It is true that being proud and comfortable with yourself has its benefits… However, if you find yourself looking at your image gallery on social media, and all you are brostop-being-an-assholewsing through is pictures of yourself, you have probably taken it too far. If you find yourself continuously talking about yourself, and your only specialty is proving others wrong, then it’s time to admit you have a problem.

If this bothers you on the verge of becoming pissed off, as you think I am writing about you, keep reading… I dare you!

Here’s a few points on how to build yourself into a regular human being to give you the possibility of having meaningful relationships:

1. Being Right
One of the ways to drive another crazy is this idea that you have to always be right. It gets worse when you are in the wrong, but you keep persisting until you hear the other agreeing with you. The reason why one keeps being so persistent is probably because it feels good to be right. However, this is at a detriment of friendships and relationships, as in reality no one enjoys being proven wrong every time there is an argument; let alone when they are sure they are right!

2. Me first
As much as we should respect ourselves, one should not interrupt another – one should listen. Sometimes, all we need is to be heard. No need to come up with a fix or a solution. Although the intention might be genuine, we need to learn to listen, let the other feel and express what he is feeling and instead, understand what they are going through. If they need your help, they will let you know since they chose to confide in you.

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3. Ass kissing
The opposite of always being right, is trying too hard to get people to like you. Being that person who agrees to anything and everything, will make those around you lose your credibility.  Your words will not mean much since they are adjusted depending on the belief of your audience.

4. Attitude
No one is perfect, and everyone falls in this equation – including you! Stop being such a selfish, inconsiderate jerk. The world is not yours, but ours to share and live in. If you have nothing nice to say, you are better keeping your mouth shut! The only way you can be considerate is by thinking things through – Pause and review what you are about to say; be it in person, on the phone, email etc. Practice makes perfect – Funny, practice makes us better people.

5. Building up
Instead of talking about yourself, spend time to compliment someone unprovoked… Ask a question about themselves and their life in a conversation. Celebrate the success of others, rather than turning the subject about yourself. Stop thinking about yourself and focus on the others in the room with you. If you truly care about those around you, it will sooner or later become natural to do so, and your actions will follow suit.

Your wishes, My dreams

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I see you looking at me
With those big brown eyes
From which I can view everything:
Your longings, desires,
Your wishes –

You make my heart
race,
You make me grasp
for air.
You are my reason,
for all that is good.

Your desires, are my goals.
Your longings, are mine too.
Your wishes will come true,
Let’s work on them together;
Two hearts, beating as one.

What we have between us
is what I have been searching for;
for years, I dreamt about this
moment, about having it all.
Your love is the answer.

You are my real-life dream.
I want your love. I long –
for your presence in my life.
I desire your body, your soul;
my heart you stole.

______________________________________________
Steffi 2018.03.28

Belated 30th Birthday Post

Exactly five months ago, on the 16th of October, it was my birthday. My 30th.

We woke up in Scotland, because we discovered that we like traveling for our birthdays. It was a windy day! So much so, Hurricane Ophelia was visiting! This did not stop us from having a lovely day out in the countryside, visiting several castles and eating at Jamie’s Italian in Glasgow. For the first time in my life, I had a clear picture of where my life is going. I did not care where I am, I was just happy spending my day with the person who means the most to me.

In the past years, I always reflected on what I have achieved, but this time round, I reflected on my future; our future. It is true, that in the year 2017, so much has happened. For starters I went on so many holidays: Hungary, Bath UK, Wales, Romania, Denmark, Cornwall, Austria, Scotland and Germany! But the most important of all, I met Daniel who has turned my life upside down. My traveling partner, the love of my life! I finally found him, and I ain’t letting him go. 🙂

But most of all, this birthday was so significant to me because as my birthday gift, Daniel bought me a promise ring. As much as I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man, I was still caught off guard. From then on, our path has become a little clearer. In fact, as of November, it’s been full-on planning for our big day coming up in 2019!

And folks, that is a happy ending right there!

Full-Blown Wedding Preparations

Last November, my partner and I decided on taking the next step in our relationship. Both being on the same page with regards to what we want in life, we started discussing on the biggest level of commitment two adults can show towards each other: marriage.

I would not get into the topic of a relationship vs marriage, as this is a topic for another blog post.

When we went to the wedding fair, which was coincidentally the next weekend after our “big talk”, we wwedding dayere so unprepared! We had no idea on a date, venue, or setup. We walked aimlessly in the fair, stocking up on leaflets until we saw the stall of what would be our venue of choice. We knew right there and then, this was it. We did not have to discuss it, we did not have to argue. It felt right, the one.  Upon deciding, we made a list of its availability in June and July 2019. It was then that we were told that couples have already started booking for 2020. That’s 3 years before the wedding. Wow!

The next day, early Saturday morning we made our way to our ideal chapel, which is in close vicinity to the venue. Luckily, the chapel was available on the same day of our preferred wedding day, the 19th of July 2019. Feeling like this was meant to be, we quickly made our chapel reservation and phoned the venue to confirm.

We did keep our wedding date a secret for a whole month, before we got our parents together to tell them the news! It was one of the hardest things we had to do… Keeping the most exciting and most important day of our lives to ourselves. But it was all worth it when we saw our parents cheering and hugging us. They kind of knew something was up, but they never thought this was the news we wanted to share.

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Poem: Addicted

You are my drug
Your smile is like ecstacy
Your eyes captivating
Loving you is elevating.

Your touch sends shivers –
down my spine.
I am on a natural high,
Addicted to you…

More than you know
I am in need of you.
Without you,
I am incomplete.

______________________________________________
Steffi 2017.04.02