Tag Archives: SteffiWrites

The Relationship Masks Are Slipping, But What Can You Do If You Don’t Like What’s Underneath?

The early days of a relationship are always a show of sorts. We put on our best faces for dates and try to paint ourselves in the brightest light possible. If we really like someone, we may even change our views to please them or tell white lies about our true natures.

But, when the relationship gets underway, that mask has to slip. In many ways, this is a good thing. When you let down that guard, true love can come in. Sure, the promise of your ‘perfect man’ might have caught your attention in the first place. But, you may not know he’s ‘the one’ until you seem him at a weak moment.

That said, this slipping of masks is often a painful process, and can be fraught with unpleasant surprises. It may be that there’s a habit or quirk to your partner’s personality which you really don’t like. When you think about it, it makes sense that they would hide this. Who goes on a date and grandstands their worst personality traits? Over time, you may come to realize that your seemingly gentle boyfriend has a nasty temper. Or, perhaps that attentive man spends more time on his phone than you first thought. The issue which makes itself known may be even severe, like a gambling addiction, or something like depression.

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Picture Credit

Sadly, this period is where many relationships end. And, believe it or not, that’s rarely due to the realisation that Mr Perfect is only human. In fact, most of the time, our attempts to change our partners put the nail in the romance coffin. You know how it is; you look past his temper because you think you can cure him of it. You assume that, because he’s with you now, his depression should evaporate.

But, here’s a horrible truth; love isn’t an instant fix. While it is a crucial part of life, it can’t just clear the way of problems. What’s more, approaching a relationship with thoughts of changing a person is the worst thing you can do. It suggests that you love your idea of them, not who they are. And, we all know that love is about accepting someone for their true selves. In fact, the only real time change would be the best route open to you is if this bad personality trait puts your partner at risk. Otherwise, you should attempt to help your partner when you notice these issues. It isn’t easy, but it may be the only way to keep your relationship healthy. And, we’re going to look at a few of the ways you can achieve it.

Recognize their triggers

For the most part, traits like these come with triggers. It’s likely certain things set off that raging temper, for instance. Equally, there may be certain situations which drive a gambler to hit the casino. As their partner, it’s your responsibility to notice. Do this without comment or judgement. Observe and accept the situation. Then, do what you can to help them avoid situations like these where possible. If you see your raging man getting mad, grab his hands and do a quick dance around the room, or something equally fun. This will distract his attention, as well as reinforcing your relationship. You may also notice that he’s more liable to gamble when worried about money. If you’re at the stage where you’re living together, do what you can to keep finances in check, or discuss ways to make more money. Again, this will help with communication, as well as distraction. It may be best, though, not to outwardly tell him about the triggers you’ve noticed. Making him aware of your observations could turn to a trigger in itself. He’ll also then be able to tell when you’re distracting attention, and that could drive him further towards the places you don’t want him to go.

Point him down a better path

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Picture Credit

This step is tricky. Get it wrong, and you could slip into the territory of trying to change your partner. But, if you take your time here, you may find that you can point him down a better path. The trick here is not to speak in definites. Merely make suggestions which you think would improve a situation. Do this subtly, so that your man doesn’t feel you’re preaching to him. It could be that leave a program on television discussing ways to deal with anger. Or, you may want to look at sites like Casino Guru which could at least recommend reliable casinos if he is going to gamble. If mental illness is the issue, talk to him about his treatment options. Through discussions, he may find he settles on a new approach which could work well. And, you can achieve all this without ever directly attempting to change the way your lover behaves. Instead, he’ll come to associate you as a reassuring presence who helps him make his own decisions.

Focus on the future

Focusing on the future is always a good idea in a relationship. If things start to stagnate, it can lead to frustration and disillusionment. But, it becomes even more critical in cases like these. If, for instance, your partner is depressed, a focus on your plans as a couple could be a considerable incentive for recovery. If it’s a mutual decision, a determination to have kids in the future could be all it takes to encourage your partner to get help. Equally, this could encourage them to face up to addictions, be they gambling or anything else. The knowledge of future parenthood could even help with anger management problems. After all, no one wants to be that parent who shouts all the time. Bear in mind that it’s essential you let your partner lead conversations like these. If they aren’t ready to discuss this kind of thing, pressure could push them further into a negative place. But, if you’re both in the same headspace here, the future could be the best tonic.

Erice-Craze

The primary reason why I wanted to visit Sicily, was Erice. For those who have visited, they would agree with the steffisays-sicily-erice-castle-ruins-venus-venere-castelloimportance of visiting such a place, and others are curious to know why. Erice situated on top of a mountain, is a medieval fortified town with breathtaking views. You can go for a walk in the cobbled streets, for food, shopping or to indulge in its historical importance.

When we got there, it was very difficult to take it all in – I could not believe that after so many years dreaming about it, I was there in the flesh. We spent a good hour just walking aimlessly enjoying the surroundings. Although it was still April, Erice was buzzing with tourists.

Highlights of Erice:

The views
The below pictures can speak for themselves. Since Erice is so high up, you can capture beautiful photos with the castle and the wondrous beaches all around.

Castello di Venere
Although now in ruins (which date back to the Norman Period), this castle enjoys views all around. It is built on the top-most part of the castle. The reason behind its name which translates to English as the Venus Castle, is due to the fact that at the very spot there was the temple of Venus Eryx, dedicated to the Italian love goddess; mother of Cupid.


Giardino del Balio
As the name states, this is a garden, well sized  and definitely relaxing. It is situated very close by to the castle and towers, which means it’s busy and with gorgeous views. If we had a lot of time on our hands, we would have definitely sat down on the benches and watched the world go by! Unfortunately time was of the essence since we were in Sicily for just five full days, so we had to get on with the next attraction!

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Toretta Pepoli
Built on the slopes of Mount Erice, one can find a small castle which was built in the 1800s. This property was used mainly for meditation and was later on abandoned. In July 2014, it was re-opened again after several years in restoration. One now can visit to admire the architecture and of course the views.

Tasty Sicilian Nibbles
If you have a bit of a sweet tooth, I recommend Pasticceria Maria Grammatico, for the typical Erice sweet: The Genovesi Ericine! We also enjoyed Cannoli Siciliani from there, and I can tell you, it was hard to just choose two from their vast variety!

Photos taken by myself while in Sicily. Kindly seek permission before re-using.. For more photos visit my Instagram page.

5 Steps to NOT be an asshole

It is true that being proud and comfortable with yourself has its benefits… However, if you find yourself looking at your image gallery on social media, and all you are brostop-being-an-assholewsing through is pictures of yourself, you have probably taken it too far. If you find yourself continuously talking about yourself, and your only specialty is proving others wrong, then it’s time to admit you have a problem.

If this bothers you on the verge of becoming pissed off, as you think I am writing about you, keep reading… I dare you!

Here’s a few points on how to build yourself into a regular human being to give you the possibility of having meaningful relationships:

1. Being Right
One of the ways to drive another crazy is this idea that you have to always be right. It gets worse when you are in the wrong, but you keep persisting until you hear the other agreeing with you. The reason why one keeps being so persistent is probably because it feels good to be right. However, this is at a detriment of friendships and relationships, as in reality no one enjoys being proven wrong every time there is an argument; let alone when they are sure they are right!

2. Me first
As much as we should respect ourselves, one should not interrupt another – one should listen. Sometimes, all we need is to be heard. No need to come up with a fix or a solution. Although the intention might be genuine, we need to learn to listen, let the other feel and express what he is feeling and instead, understand what they are going through. If they need your help, they will let you know since they chose to confide in you.

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3. Ass kissing
The opposite of always being right, is trying too hard to get people to like you. Being that person who agrees to anything and everything, will make those around you lose your credibility.  Your words will not mean much since they are adjusted depending on the belief of your audience.

4. Attitude
No one is perfect, and everyone falls in this equation – including you! Stop being such a selfish, inconsiderate jerk. The world is not yours, but ours to share and live in. If you have nothing nice to say, you are better keeping your mouth shut! The only way you can be considerate is by thinking things through – Pause and review what you are about to say; be it in person, on the phone, email etc. Practice makes perfect – Funny, practice makes us better people.

5. Building up
Instead of talking about yourself, spend time to compliment someone unprovoked… Ask a question about themselves and their life in a conversation. Celebrate the success of others, rather than turning the subject about yourself. Stop thinking about yourself and focus on the others in the room with you. If you truly care about those around you, it will sooner or later become natural to do so, and your actions will follow suit.

Your wishes, My dreams

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I see you looking at me
With those big brown eyes
From which I can view everything:
Your longings, desires,
Your wishes –

You make my heart
race,
You make me grasp
for air.
You are my reason,
for all that is good.

Your desires, are my goals.
Your longings, are mine too.
Your wishes will come true,
Let’s work on them together;
Two hearts, beating as one.

What we have between us
is what I have been searching for;
for years, I dreamt about this
moment, about having it all.
Your love is the answer.

You are my real-life dream.
I want your love. I long –
for your presence in my life.
I desire your body, your soul;
my heart you stole.

______________________________________________
Steffi 2018.03.28

When to get married in Malta: Seasonality

Maltese brides and grooms tend to play it safe when it comes to their wedding. Even if you are not a bride-zilla, you would most likely still not want a rainy wedding day as this would disrupt all your plans, be it traffic, wedding venue and dirtying your oh-so-white wedding dress! Funnily enough though, we don’t always think of the pros and cons that each season in Malta comes with!

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No snow in Malta, but you catch my drift!

Spring:
The weather starts changing from cold to warm
Happy guest mood since winter is over, and soon it is time for summer
A lot of fruit and veg are back in season, which means more variety when it comes to your menu
The grass is greener! And the flowers start bloom. Needless to say this will enhance your wedding photos, and no doubt, the floral choice for decor is at its best.
Allergy season (this was the only reason why I couldn’t go for a Spring wedding!)
Children are still in school, which might cause certain parents to not attend your wedding

Summer:
Risk of rain is close to none
Longer days, breezy evenings
If you are choosing Malta as your destination wedding, it is more likely that guests will attend as they can combine the wedding with a holiday, and the kids are off school
Summer season is the most popular season of all. If you are very specific on dates and venues, you have to plan very much ahead. Two years minimum, but three years ahead is advised
Noon summer weddings should be illegal. It is crazy to say the least!
Peak wedding season. Guests might choose to attend another wedding, not yours

Autumn:
Milder weather, ideal for noon weddings
The changes of the colour of leaves and trees makes for a magical and romantic background to your wedding photos
Children are back in school, which might cause certain parents to not attend your wedding
Risk of bad weather

Winter:
Classic and traditional Christmas themed weddings are amazing
Availability of venue and other suppliers are abundant
Cheaper deals on venue and vendors due to being off season
Noon weddings are appropriate as days are shorter
Brides have more dress options
✗ Bad weather is likely
✗ Wedding photos outdoors might be a bust due to weather conditions
✗ Festive season might discourage guests as they might rather spend it with close family
✗ Guest may be short on money as it is Christmas season

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It’s ok now…

The sky was crying
hiding away my tears.
It was ok to weep now
no one will see.

Inside, I’m broken
Inside, I’m empty
Without you, I’m nothing
But for you, I was no one.

All the sacrifices,
All I wanted for us,
For you, insignificant
I was just another girl.

There was no point in us,
I was blind.
Treated you as my king,
my everything.

You and I
no longer are,
no longer will be
we are history.

______________________
By Steffi ~
This is not my current situation. I am merely depicting a painful story.

Fire & Ice

fire and iceIn the moment
Whilst darkness caresses
the light

…and the light embraces
the darkness

I struggle to stay alight
leave thoughts behind.

Emotions in dire
my heart afire:

wondering
conflicting
constricting
refraining
from believing –
your eyes so cold
daunted, unbold.

________________________
//By Steffi ~