Tag Archives: listening

Lessons Learned, My articles / researches, My Life, Reviews, Series, Steffi Says

Would you choose a Mr. Big or an Aidan?

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In the past days, due to lack of new series in Summer, I have restarted to watch Sex and the City. My favourite character of the series is Carrie Bradshaw, for tons of reasons. She is a writer, she has curly hair, she is stylish and most of all she got brains! Despite all this, she had so many heartbreaks, her life being a roller coaster of adventures and disappointment; a rather realistic life if you ask me.

I’m in the third season at the moment, and she has just met Aidan, the guy who makes furniture for a living, the guy who she feels so at ease around, and their relationship is just plain sailing; easy. She starts to compare this relationship to her 5 minute long relationship with Mr. Big. Realising there is no drama in her current love life, she starts searching for defects, brainstorming on what is wrong with Aidan… What could he be hiding from her? She gets paranoid, she gets frustrated. She wakes up in the middle of the night wondering. She is so used to living on the edge, fighting to get something done her way that finding a guy who is willing to compromise and who is very understanding pressures her into doubting herself and the future of their relationship.

aidan_mrbig

We all had a Mr. Big in our life at some point;

  • Someone who doesn’t listen
  •  Someone who doesn’t care of the things which are important to you
  • Someone who never bothers to organise or plan any activities for the both of you
  • Someone who is full of excuses (aka full of shit!)
  • Someone who wouldn’t want to join you in work or family functions…

Someone who you should never be with, yet for some unknown reason you fall for him deeply, and despite what your friends and family say… you hold on, even if barely, until everything falls apart, and your heart is shattered into million pieces.

And then you learn, you learn that you should find yourself an Aidan; one who is worthy of your time, effort and most of all your heart!

My question is this – why do we all need a Mr. Big before we can settle down for what we truly deserve? A true romantic; low on drama but enough to get your blood pumping… a gentleman.

Lessons Learned, My Life, Steffi Says

No, it is not OK…

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Imagine you are casually walking by the seashore on a Summery Saturday afternoon, minding your own business; sunglasses on, hat on due to the excessive sunlight. As you are peacefully gazing the view in front of you, taking it all in, just a few minutes before you are due to go into work, this group of Maltese males pass by.

Being all ignorant and dense, they’d start talking about you in Maltese (not even whisper, no!), assuming that you are this dumb tourist who wouldn’t get a word they are saying. Comments would start off with nice dress, to what they would do to you if they had the chance, and what the hell am I doing being outdoors all by myself “looking like that”.

Needless to say, I stayed there listening, boiling mad with every statement they say to each other. When it looked like they have said enough, I turned around, smiled and asked them “xi haga ohra?”. For my non-Maltese readers, this would translate to “Anything else?”

Well, that DID shut them up, but this doesn’t explain how rude and respect-less they are to women. I mean, these guys thought they’d get away with it, because I could not understand them… but doesn’t that make it even worse? It is because of situations like these, that I feel like I lost hope in humans, in men…
 If it was I who said such statements about guys, that would have made me a slut, but it is somehow cool for men to say these things… Double standards much?

Either way, it is disrespectful and equality on this subject wouldn’t make things fine. Objectifying people is always wrong unless done with consent from all the people involved.

 

Advice, Steffi Says

Steffi Advice #5: Will you settle down for much less than you deserve?

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engagement ring

Dear Steffi,

This year I will be 30 years old, and I think it is high time I settle down, get married, have a family of my own. I have been seeing the same man for just over a year and I think we are old enough to take our relationship to the next level, since we both share the same goal of having kids. I will propose to him this summer. Although he is not the man I thought I’d be with, he has proven to be loyal and committed. He doesn’t have a good job, but maybe that will change if we get more serious. He says he cares about me but he is not passionate around me. When I tell him my worries or ask for help, he doesn’t do much about them. He doesn’t mistreat me and that is to me, very important. I have been in lots of long relationships but never found someone who wants to have a family with me. Should I risk it all and propose? My friends are not being supportive.

Hard-Headed

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Dear Hard-Headed,

Just like you, I have not been very lucky with all things love and relationships. I have had 3 major relationships, but they all turned to dust after around 3 to 4 years. I spent months wondering what I have been doing wrong, and what could I have possibly done so bad in my life to deserve this; but I have not yet found an answer. So every time, I pulled myself together, and tried again. I’m 28 years old, and I must admit that I am not where I thought I’d me in my love life. But that does not mean that I’d jump the gun as soon as I hear someone saying that they want to get married and have kids. It is currently one of the goals I want to reach, but is he the ideal partner to do it with?

Are you ready to live a life with no passion and no public affection? Have you even thought how this would affect your future children? And he does mistreat you, if he doesn’t listen to you, if he doesn’t help you…. If he doesn’t try to cheer you up when you are down! It is not the words that make up a man, it is his actions. If he doesn’t help you now, when it’s all about you two, how do you expect him to help you when there are little children running about? I wouldn’t call it a family, if there is no respect, no empathy, no affection and no support…

Being a lover of literature and romance, I consider myself to be a very old fashioned person when it comes to love and relationships. I would never settle for someone who doesn’t find time to make me feel special, and the occasional romantic surprise.

Much Love x x x

Crazy Outbursts, Lessons Learned, My articles / researches, My Life, Steffi Says

Which language do you think with?

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This is a weird one, I know.

I have been, for years on end now, thinking and “talking to myself” in a foreign language. By foreign language, I mean English. Malta is a bilingual country, and in fact we start learning English at the young age of six. I always loved the language and the literature that came with it. I always carried a book with me and preferred British TV and movies over Italian (I’m mentioning Italian because all of my friends watched Italian TV when I was growing up).

homer-simpson-thinking

Although I love the English language, I knew that there is one barrier that I won’t be able to surpass. This is, because even though I know that my spoken and written English is better than the average Joe’s, I will never have enough practice verbally to become super fluent and master it as it was my first language.

It was in 2011, when things changed for me. Leaving Malta meant that I had to leave my mother tongue behind (to an extend). When I landed in Manchester airport, I knew that at this point,  I have to deal with people in English. I think, that this is when my head decided that I should start thinking in English. I think, this was rather beneficial (yes, I googled it):

  • Apparently, if you think in a foreign language, you are not only practicing the language itself but also learning new vocabulary. It’s almost like when you are reading a book for the very first time.
  • Another reason according to a study is that since a foreign language provides psychological distance because you need to make a bit of an effort to use it, it will affect your reasoning and decision making in the sense that they become less biased, more analytic, and more systematic.

In reality, in my daily life, unless I am speaking with my friends and colleagues, everything else is done using the English language, which means that I was very surprised that it took my brain this long to switch languages:

  • Reading news, blogs, articles
  • Google searches are conducted in English
  • Reading Books
  • Listening to music
  • Making use of laptops (or computers) and phones using an English interface
  • Watching TV, Movies and Series

Am I the only one who took this leap? Do you think in your native language or did you choose another familiar language to do so? I want to know! 🙂

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//Obviously this is targeted to users who can speak multiple languages rather than just the one.