Tag Archives: paranoia

Car-Rant

Are you familiar with those days when you are extremely happy, like so happy, you could die? I have had a good number of those in a row. So much so that they freak me out. I believe that for every action there’s an opposite and equal reaction… Meaning, that for every day I am excessively happy, I have a pile of shit waiting for me around the corner.

Boy was I right.

It all started with a slow puncture. Then, my car key decided to stop working on the driver’s side (it still works on passenger’s door, so I have been able to make due until I figure out where I need to take my car to fix this). Yesterday I woke up feeling poorly, and my allergies so bad that I could barely see from one of my eyes, and it would not stop watering! It also was a rainy day; so much so that I do not recall hearing it stop at all during the day. This morning, since I am being ultra-paranoid about everything, I decided to go check on my car. Slow puncture again, and water inside my car. Lovely. As if that is not enough, I learned that the slow puncture is not due to the tyre’s fault but due to the car’s rim. So, 2 days – 3 mishaps.

If this was not my real-life story, I would laugh so much – I mean, this could turn out to be quite the comedy plot.

Dear God, I hope this is enough for now. I have to figure out how to sort all these things out, on top of being in work 9 hours a day. What makes it worse is that I have no clue on how to even begin! I guess, it would have made things easier if I had a man in my life…. Although the feminist in me wants me to chill and take it one step at a time… at least when it happens again (hopefully not), I’ll know what to do. >_>

PS. Why was I so eager to grow up?

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Would you choose a Mr. Big or an Aidan?

In the past days, due to lack of new series in Summer, I have restarted to watch Sex and the City. My favourite character of the series is Carrie Bradshaw, for tons of reasons. She is a writer, she has curly hair, she is stylish and most of all she got brains! Despite all this, she had so many heartbreaks, her life being a roller coaster of adventures and disappointment; a rather realistic life if you ask me.

I’m in the third season at the moment, and she has just met Aidan, the guy who makes furniture for a living, the guy who she feels so at ease around, and their relationship is just plain sailing; easy. She starts to compare this relationship to her 5 minute long relationship with Mr. Big. Realising there is no drama in her current love life, she starts searching for defects, brainstorming on what is wrong with Aidan… What could he be hiding from her? She gets paranoid, she gets frustrated. She wakes up in the middle of the night wondering. She is so used to living on the edge, fighting to get something done her way that finding a guy who is willing to compromise and who is very understanding pressures her into doubting herself and the future of their relationship.

aidan_mrbig

We all had a Mr. Big in our life at some point;

  • Someone who doesn’t listen
  •  Someone who doesn’t care of the things which are important to you
  • Someone who never bothers to organise or plan any activities for the both of you
  • Someone who is full of excuses (aka full of shit!)
  • Someone who wouldn’t want to join you in work or family functions…

Someone who you should never be with, yet for some unknown reason you fall for him deeply, and despite what your friends and family say… you hold on, even if barely, until everything falls apart, and your heart is shattered into million pieces.

And then you learn, you learn that you should find yourself an Aidan; one who is worthy of your time, effort and most of all your heart!

My question is this – why do we all need a Mr. Big before we can settle down for what we truly deserve? A true romantic; low on drama but enough to get your blood pumping… a gentleman.

Of Paranoia and Disbelief

One of my worst habits, or shall I dare say defects that I personally dislike in myself is being paranoid.

After being lied to time and time again, a part of me automatically starts thinking of the worst in people, or in situations.

Lets take the following example; My life has been rather decent for a couple of days. Upon realising this, I start getting worried. I am damn aware that this won’t last a lifetime. That something bad is about to crop up and ruin my happiness. BAM! Paranoia switches on and I start looking for the next thing to go bad.
At this point, I will start making lists in my head without even knowing. It’s like 50% of my RAM (or, brain cells) are invested in this. So, from the people close to my heart, who will disappoint me next? Is there one who is ignoring me, or not ever taking the initiative to get in contact with me? Why is he doing this? What have I done? Am I not good enough? I would start thinking this, and try to hide my emotions from them, as if I don’t care on what I think is going on. I’d become “cold”, answer “in short”, appear to be lost in thoughts, preoccupied or unavailable for them. Sometimes, my conclusions cannot even be justified by a decent reason. Lets say, I saw person X online, this person read my message and didn’t get back to me. Or person Y who usually meets me once a week, has been ignoring me completely. And all the above starts going through my head over and over again… So much so, that it deprives me from sleeping and in the morning, I am not only tired, but still thinking about this. Most of the time this happens for days on end.

Although my paranoia is justified because of all the crap I have gone through in past experiences, I must admit, that my brain takes me to places, I never wish existed.

So, if you know a person who suffers from the same thing as I do, let’s just say, if we are bothering you, or you have something to say to us, you are better off being blunt, to the point and just blurt it out. After all, once we cross to the bad side, no excuse will be good enough for your behaviour; You are always better off with being upfront!
In conclusion, nothing good can come out of paranoia, and it could get as bad as we just ignore you for the rest of our lives, with no explanation given. After all, in our head, we believe that you are doing the same to us, or even worse.

//end of rant.