What’s with people?
First you open your heart to them, tell them your hopes and your dreams… your weaknesses! Let them in, show them your wounds, your fears… and then.
THEN.
SILENCE.
Is it me?
Or are they just sons of bitches?
Why pretend you care, when you don’t?
Why do you hurt and disappoint someone who was just fine before you walked in and shattered their life into unwanted, useless pieces.
Why, so horrible?
Why don’t you just fuck off and die?
In the past days, due to lack of new series in Summer, I have restarted to watch Sex and the City. My favourite character of the series is Carrie Bradshaw, for tons of reasons. She is a writer, she has curly hair, she is stylish and most of all she got brains! Despite all this, she had so many heartbreaks, her life being a roller coaster of adventures and disappointment; a rather realistic life if you ask me.
I’m in the third season at the moment, and she has just met Aidan, the guy who makes furniture for a living, the guy who she feels so at ease around, and their relationship is just plain sailing; easy. She starts to compare this relationship to her 5 minute long relationship with Mr. Big. Realising there is no drama in her current love life, she starts searching for defects, brainstorming on what is wrong with Aidan… What could he be hiding from her? She gets paranoid, she gets frustrated. She wakes up in the middle of the night wondering. She is so used to living on the edge, fighting to get something done her way that finding a guy who is willing to compromise and who is very understanding pressures her into doubting herself and the future of their relationship.
We all had a Mr. Big in our life at some point;
Someone who you should never be with, yet for some unknown reason you fall for him deeply, and despite what your friends and family say… you hold on, even if barely, until everything falls apart, and your heart is shattered into million pieces.
And then you learn, you learn that you should find yourself an Aidan; one who is worthy of your time, effort and most of all your heart!
My question is this – why do we all need a Mr. Big before we can settle down for what we truly deserve? A true romantic; low on drama but enough to get your blood pumping… a gentleman.
When you’re at cross roads… should you follow your heart or your head?
There are situations in life which make you struggle; make you unsure of your existence or what to do next. Should you stay or should you leave?
It is at moments like these when I wonder what to do… Should I follow my heart or my head?
Neither of the choices are ideal.
I think there were not many situations or experiences in my life, where I had a straight answer – where my heart and head were in agreement.
In the sense that;
– with change comes doubt
– with change comes insecurity
– with change comes something new
Is it the right choice?
Will I benefit from this?
Will I regret it?
Should I try harder?
Sometimes, you can find “comfort” in the devil you know – at the very least, you are familiar with what you currently have in your life; there is no fear of the un-known.
Thoughts?
When your heart is in sorrow
Breaking –
Colliding into nothingness
When you feel like all hope
is shattered –
Drunk out of control
When you risked it all
so, vulnerable
from happiness to numbness
Save me –
Repeat
________________________________________
//By Steffi – 2016.06.01
The sky was crying
hiding away my tears.
It was ok to weep now
no one will see.
Inside, I’m broken
Inside, I’m empty
Without you, I’m nothing
But for you, I was no one.
All the sacrifices,
All I wanted for us,
For you, insignificant
I was just another girl.
There was no point in us,
I was blind.
Treated you as my king,
my everything.
You and I
no longer are,
no longer will be
we are history.
______________________
By Steffi ~
This is not my current situation. I am merely depicting a painful story.
Some, argue that jealousy in small doses is good for a relationship or a friendship to grow. I certainly disagree, and I do so from previous experiences.
It is true, that when your partner is jealous of you, (s)he would give you moreattention. But this kind of attention, is not necessarily the good kind of 
attention that you are seeking for. Jealousy is more often than not derived from lack of trust and various self-insecurities (Maybe because of previous life experiences or trauma? Psychological issues?). It will urge you to be possessive, be suspicious and in the long run threaten your relationship.
If you can’t trust your partner, why are you with them in the first place?
Issues related to jealousy and trust, will eat you from the inside. You’d become paranoid, with a feeling of abandonment… No relationship with these symptoms can end well.
It is a known fact that leading cause of spousal homicides are related to jealousy.
On the other hand, your partner will feel badgered and frustrated because (s)he is not being trusted. All the mundane and constant questioning is tiring;
What are you doing?
Where are you?
Where are you going?
Who you’re going with?
These questions are demoralising, leaving the person without any personal space and feeling guilty.
It is okay that your partner wants some space, to do some things (s)he enjoys doing alone.
You can agree on an evening a week to spend apart, play that game you wanted to play, catch up with friends or go clothes shopping. I believe, it is important to have a life outside your relationship.
My advise:
1. Put yourself into his or her shoes – how would you feel if this jealousy issue was the other way round? Does your friend / partner deserve this?
2. Communicate your feelings constructively and without blaming the other person
This weekend, while I was browsing through local online newspapers, I came across an article about a missing young lady with the name of Ruth Attard. Later on, I learned that she is from my home town Hal Qormi, and that she is the same age as me. When her body was discovered in Ghar Lapsi, my childhood friends started getting in contact with me over Facebook and on a group we are all part of.
Turns out that Ruth Attard went to school with me both at primary school and secondary school. She was a year younger than me, but a very sweet looking and well behaved girl. She always carried a smile on her face and was ever so cheerful. We were all trying to remember instances from our childhood where we met her; How she was in Mr. Saliba’s class and how she was Snow White during one of the yearly school plays; How she was so devoted to gym and how often we glimpsed her at the gymnasium during the school breaks.. climbing up ropes, doing somersaults. But none of us stayed in contact with her when we finished school. We never spoke again, we only remember her beautiful face. 
It comes to us as a shock, that Ruth is no longer with us. Even more so, because we wouldn’t have ever expected something like this to happen to her, or any one of us.
We are so young, we still have all our life before us. Truth is, we take these things for granted. We should be thankful to be alive, thankful that we are happy… Glad that we are strong, and surrounded with people who love us, appreciate us and are there for us. That because of all of this, we won’t break apart from ourselves or one another…
While we keep Ruth and her family in our thoughts and prayers, let’s learn something from this. Let’s be more thoughtful about those around us; forgive and move on. Love not hate. Teach not shout. Let’s all communicate with one another. Let’s be in contact while we can… Let’s not forget one another… Farewell to Someone who I used to know… May you rest in peace, dear Ruth.
Funeral is tomorrow 10th June at 14:30 at Saint Sebastian Church, Qormi.
Rammstein’s vocalist; Til Lindemann has just release a new song under the name ‘Lindemann’ which is a project he is working on with Peter Tagtgren from Hypocrisy. The name of the song is very controversial, but wait until you watch the music video.
If I had to write what I think about this song, I would say that it is very clever. To me, he is criticising the world and the society we live in as well as the mentality people have.
1. The way Til discusses abort in this song, he is almost comparing abort to a contraceptive method. Because people care about pleasure, and they don’t care about the consequences. And since pleasure comes before pain and before owning to your mistakes, he ponders on the idea, that people would rather turn gay than have more children as the latter ruins lives. Of course this is an exaggeration, but it is the plain truth.
2. Sex without condoms is more natural, more animalistic and more fun, so better get on with it. The pigs in the video, imply that these people are pigs. This is a common name-calling to people who are dirty, or greedy.
3. The hatred in the lyrics shows what people are all about. We hate and we complain.
4. At the end of the video, Till shows love and affection towards the piglet. This to me shows, that the character in the video is just there to show the truth about humans and their behaviour, and that this is totally separate from the views the singer has on this topic.
5. Till Lindemann actually has children, he is divorced. He raised his eldest daughter for 7 years by himself after which her mother decided to take more of an active role in her life.
The Song:
Thoughts and Comments?
It bothers me to the extend of vomiting, or in the worst case scenario, to the extend that I want to kick someone in the face, when people write about Jonathan Rhys Meyers. It seems, no news is good news for them, unless they catch him with a bottle of vodka in his hands.
Turns out the actor has been seen in London two days ago buying alcohol, while wearing what would appear as ‘normal clothes’. If they saw another person in broad daylight drinking in the street, it would have been al-right. But if it’s Jonathan, then it’s wrong. First and foremost, famous actors, are normal people like us; they can make mistakes and fall off the wagon. Secondly, the media is not helping him get any better by pointing fingers at him.
Jonathan happens to be my all-time favourite actor. He’s talented, he can sing, and he can act. His accent is to die for. But what also really amused me is what has led him into becoming who he is. I would think, most of you wouldn’t even know what he went through growing up.
Briefly… The Story of Jonathan Rhys Meyers…
I’d start by telling you, that his surname was O’Keeffe but when his parents separated, he took his mother’s maiden name. They moved from Dublin to Cork were they lived in poverty at one of the council flats. His mother Mary, drank most of her money away, and Jonathan used to steal from her dole money to make sure that he and his brother had something to eat at the end of the day. He later lived with another family, until he was spotted by a modelling agency. This is what led him to the career he’s most known for now. When he made enough money, he bought a bungalow in Cork for his mother. This is what stole my heart. No matter what he went through in his childhood, he went back to his roots; to his mother, and tried to give her a better life; to save her.
Almost 10 years ago, his adoptive father; his saviour; was convicted of abusing a homeless boy and sent to prison. Soon after his mother passed away.
I think all that has happened to him in his life, has made him what he is; his personality is extreme and compulsive. He works a lot, he trains a lot, he drinks a lot. There’s no in between, no normal for him. Just like he went from poverty to riches.
My point is, don’t judge a person without knowing their story. Help out while you can. If I had a way to reach out to him I would, but I am just one of his many fans. A nobody.
Yesterday I decided to have a relaxing evening after going out two nights in a row and spending the day in Valletta. I have made bruschetta for the first time which turned out delicious… (I will be making it again!)
One glass of wine later, I decided to watch a movie which I’ve been wanting to watch for a while. It goes by the name of ‘The Loft’ and it’s considered to be in the thriller genre. Although I was not disappointed by this movie itself, I must say that I was not amused either. The story was quite original, in the sense that five married guys bought a penthouse to take all their mistresses and fuck buddies there, rather than getting caught or seen in hotel rooms. The only agreement they had between each other is that they’d tell the rest when they are occupying the apartment. 5 keys; one per each guy, and one dead body later…. The twist in the plot was quite interesting, but after seeing so many movies of this genre, it was quite obvious that the most perverted one out of the suspects has done it. And so was the case.
What left an impact on me was a quote from this very movie:
“The people you love, are the only ones who can hurt you.”
How true is that?
How easier would life be if we never get hurt?
But, how worthwhile would it be, in the expense of never feeling love and all its emotions ever again?
Steffi Says... 