Tag Archives: thought

Crazy Outbursts, Lessons Learned, My articles / researches, My Life, Steffi Says

Of Paranoia and Disbelief

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One of my worst habits, or shall I dare say defects that I personally dislike in myself is being paranoid.

After being lied to time and time again, a part of me automatically starts thinking of the worst in people, or in situations.

Lets take the following example; My life has been rather decent for a couple of days. Upon realising this, I start getting worried. I am damn aware that this won’t last a lifetime. That something bad is about to crop up and ruin my happiness. BAM! Paranoia switches on and I start looking for the next thing to go bad.
At this point, I will start making lists in my head without even knowing. It’s like 50% of my RAM (or, brain cells) are invested in this. So, from the people close to my heart, who will disappoint me next? Is there one who is ignoring me, or not ever taking the initiative to get in contact with me? Why is he doing this? What have I done? Am I not good enough? I would start thinking this, and try to hide my emotions from them, as if I don’t care on what I think is going on. I’d become “cold”, answer “in short”, appear to be lost in thoughts, preoccupied or unavailable for them. Sometimes, my conclusions cannot even be justified by a decent reason. Lets say, I saw person X online, this person read my message and didn’t get back to me. Or person Y who usually meets me once a week, has been ignoring me completely. And all the above starts going through my head over and over again… So much so, that it deprives me from sleeping and in the morning, I am not only tired, but still thinking about this. Most of the time this happens for days on end.

Although my paranoia is justified because of all the crap I have gone through in past experiences, I must admit, that my brain takes me to places, I never wish existed.

So, if you know a person who suffers from the same thing as I do, let’s just say, if we are bothering you, or you have something to say to us, you are better off being blunt, to the point and just blurt it out. After all, once we cross to the bad side, no excuse will be good enough for your behaviour; You are always better off with being upfront!
In conclusion, nothing good can come out of paranoia, and it could get as bad as we just ignore you for the rest of our lives, with no explanation given. After all, in our head, we believe that you are doing the same to us, or even worse.

//end of rant.

Crazy Outbursts, Lessons Learned, My Life, Steffi Says

Appreciate the good things in life

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Sometimes, when I am struggling with life or I’m just having a hard time, I try to write down what I’m going through. Other times, I try to focus my thoughts on the good things I have in life.

I will share this with you, in the hopes that you will realise that there’s more to life than bad things… Sure, we spend most of our life thinking about what went wrong, or how bad we have it… and what about that damn bad luck or bad timing? But if you fight it, good things can be achieved like…

  • Having a good relationship with your family
  • Having friends that you can count on day in, day out (I don’t have many, but that’s ok! Quality over quantity)
  • Appreciating the little thing
  • Having a job
  • Being able to afford a roof over your head and a daily meal on the table
  • Being able to pay the bills at the end of the month
  • Being your own person, even if this make others cringe… Embrace yourself!
  • Being a decent cook
  • Owning two naughty but loving cats
  • The ability to drive a car and go places (unless the roads are flooding because of heavy rain!)
  • Affording to go on holiday every once in a while
  • Making random people or strangers happy with a simple act of kindness
  • Owning your own little house
  • Being creative in my own way…. through photography
  • Being able to listen to live music and talk with people over a few drinks (Sounds simple, but some of us don’t have the privilege)
  • Volunteering in a charity shop
  • Having that one person (or more!) in your life, that will always make you smile… no matter what you are going through

Surely this is not all…. I’m only getting started 😉

Crazy Outbursts, My Life, Steffi Says

Power-Loss

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Date of entry 06/08/2015 circa 18:00hrs

The joy of being an aspiring writer or a blogger, is to enjoy scribbling no matter what the situation is.
So here I am writing… during a nation wide power cut, trying to make the most of it.

While I was driving, from my place of work in Ta’ Xbiex all the way to Siggiewi, I was thinking to myself…. I will explain better; I drove through Ta’ Xbiex, Msida, Pieta, Blata l-Bajda, Hamrun…. through which, none of the traffic lights were working. All the cars were driving aimlessly towards one another like it is no one’s business to make it across to the other side of the road. I saw cars becoming a version of a roundabout, and people crossing the busy roads between 17:00 and 18:00 frantically, as if life or death did not matter to them at all.

With this in mind, here are my proposals:

  1. Arterial Traffic Lights should be connected to not just one electricity grid; Meaning, if one electricity source fails, they would not collapse, but use a second source, be it from Delimara Power Station, the Malta-Italy Interconnector and so on.
  2. Invest in Solar Powered Traffic Lights – We boast that we have 300 days of sunshine a year in Malta… why are we not taking advantage of this? I have read that we have a fair amount of solar powered road lights, so why not traffic lights? I am sure that this will help keep these little islands of ours in order during power cuts and more!

solar traffic light

Advice, My articles / researches, Steffi Says

The Art of Jealousy

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Some, argue that jealousy in small doses is good for a relationship or a friendship to grow. I certainly disagree, and I do so from previous experiences.

It is true, that when your partner is jealous of you, (s)he would give you moreattention. But this kind of attention, is not necessarily the good kind of Jealous-muchattention that you are seeking for. Jealousy is more often than not derived from lack of trust and various self-insecurities (Maybe because of previous life experiences or trauma? Psychological issues?). It will urge you to be possessive, be suspicious and in the long run threaten your relationship.

If you can’t trust your partner, why are you with them in the first place?
Issues related to jealousy and trust, will eat you from the inside. You’d become paranoid, with a feeling of abandonment… No relationship with these symptoms can end well.

It is a known fact that leading cause of spousal homicides are related to jealousy. 

On the other hand, your partner will feel badgered and frustrated because (s)he is not being trusted. All the mundane and constant questioning is tiring;
What are you doing?
Where are you?
Where are you going?
Who you’re going with?
These questions are demoralising, leaving the person without any personal space and feeling guilty.

jealous gf

It is okay that your partner wants some space, to do some things (s)he enjoys doing alone.
You can agree on an evening a week to spend apart, play that game you wanted to play, catch up with friends or go clothes shopping. I believe, it is important to have a life outside your relationship.

My advise:
1. Put yourself into his or her shoes – how would you feel if this jealousy issue was the other way round? Does your friend / partner deserve this?
2. Communicate your feelings constructively and without blaming the other person

Movies, Other Reviews, Reviews, Steffi Says

Not so “Gone Girl”

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This blog post will include some spoilers and my point of view on the book/movie story line and this subject in general.

Finally I have got around reading the book and watching the movie. It is not that I have struggled to read the book, because it is very well written and it keeps you hooked on the story line. The problem is that I am no longer an avid reader as I keep getting distracted easily; with series, cooking, photography, cats and what not.gonegirl

I’d say that the movie was very appropriate and true to the story in the book especially since Gillian Flynn has actually written the screenplay herself. However, I feel it was very fitting to read the book beforehand as it has filled in some gaps and questions that the movie has left out. Case in point, the main reason why Nick has stayed with Amy after all she has done, was because she had further evidence to lock him up. Eventually he finds the evidence and throws it away and that is when Amy stepped the game up and got pregnant.

Psychologically, the plot is very effective, especially since the writer shows the two sides of the story. All the toying with the viewer has kept me curious and on the edge throughout. I do hope that they’d consider turning more of Gillian’s books into movies.

Favourite quote from Gone Girl:
“We have each other, and everything else is background noise.”
It is romantic as hell.

In truth,how many of us have pretended to be better than they actually are to impress someone who they have had a crush on? How many of us have kept the sharade going to salvage what is left of a relationship? In the end, reality catches with all of us, so I think it is better to fall for someone for who he/she truly is… I know, I wont settle for anything else…

Funnies, Music, Reviews, Steffi Says

Germans have good sense of humour; Part 1

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If you think, that the Germans have terrible sense of humour, let me start helping you think otherwise.

Meet this metal-core band by the name of: We butter the bread with butter.

Who would in their right mind name a band like this?
Especially a metal band;
Who would take it seriously? The name is so far from hardcore… But this is what made me look into this band. Funny stuff… And lets just say, that it works… marketing wise!

The songs are awesome, I especially love the song Exorzist.

Meet the band

www.martinlandsmann.de

we-butter-the-bread-with-butter-2

Listen to the band

P.S. I am not German, and I was not commissioned to promote their sense of humour either 😉

Music, My articles / researches, Reviews, Steffi Says

Lindemann – Praise Abort (Song review)

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Rammstein’s vocalist; Til Lindemann has just release a new song under the name ‘Lindemann’ which is a project he is working on with Peter Tagtgren from Hypocrisy. The name of the song is very controversial, but wait until you watch the music video.

If I had to write what I think about this song, I would say that it is very clever. To me, he is criticising the world and the society we live in as well as the mentality people have.

1. The way Til discusses abort in this song, he is almost comparing abort to a contraceptive method. Because people care about pleasure, and they don’t care about the consequences. And since pleasure comes before pain and before owning to your mistakes, he ponders on the idea, that people would rather turn gay than have more children as the latter ruins lives. Of course this is an exaggeration, but it is the plain truth.

2. Sex without condoms is more natural, more animalistic and more fun, so better get on with it. The pigs in the video, imply that these people are pigs. This is a common name-calling to people who are dirty, or greedy.

3. The hatred in the lyrics shows what people are all about. We hate and we complain.

4. At the end of the video, Till shows love and affection towards the piglet. This to me shows, that the character in the video is just there to show the truth about humans and their behaviour, and that this is totally separate from the views the singer has on this topic.

5. Till Lindemann actually has children, he is divorced. He raised his eldest daughter for 7 years by himself after which her mother decided to take more of an active role in her life.

The Song:

Thoughts and Comments?

Crazy Outbursts, Steffi Says

Lip Syncing

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What are your thoughts about lip syncing?

Lip syncing, is very similar to miming. In the sense that one would sing or talk ‘soundless’ and right on time with the audio. Artists do this when they are not confident singing live or perhaps when they are feeling poorly.

I despise this trait that singers nowadays seem to be doing on TV as well as in some concerts. This has happened to me last Friday when I went to Festa Palazz.

There was a medium sized crowd watching in front of the stage, and one particular singer who this year has been quite famous in Malta, for reasons I won’t write here to keep the anonymity, who was lip-syncing. It was so obvious that it was making me annoyed. If I could spot it, so could the rest of the audience. Maybe I care too much about the music, to not let it bother me. But why on earth would you go on stage, and not make a live performance? Especially considering that artists before you have done this, even with live instruments!! The sound was excellent, there was no excuse.

I would love to know your point of view, as to know if I am overreacting… But shouldn’t the live music be live in such events?

My Life, Steffi Says

Raining Again

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The last thing I heard before I fell asleep was, the rain.
The first thing I heard when I woke up today, was the rain.

The room, was still so dark at 7AM. I thought, I woke up in the middle of the night rather than a few minutes before my alarm went off.

I love the rain, when it’s not accompanied by wind… As such I was happy with a rainy Monday morning. I thought to myself, better the rain than a sweaty summer’s day.

Now, it’s almost bed time again, and I wonder if I will hear the rain again… or whether it was the last rain before summer hits our islands… I hope there will be more rain, even if not abundant.

I miss you already XOXO

Crazy Outbursts, Lessons Learned, My Life, Steffi Says

I wonder…

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Sometimes, I wonder why I used to spend time with certain people, even when they gave me so much shit….
Is it perhaps, because I did not love myself enough, or is it because I was in love with the idea of someone?

I wonder…

“We love heartbreak, and we love putting it on ourselves. We’re more nostalgic for things that never happened than we are grateful and present in the things that are. We start missing things we never had, that we just created in our minds, in this false, alter-reality.”

Brianna Wiest