Tag Archives: think

The Art of Jealousy

Some, argue that jealousy in small doses is good for a relationship or a friendship to grow. I certainly disagree, and I do so from previous experiences.

It is true, that when your partner is jealous of you, (s)he would give you moreattention. But this kind of attention, is not necessarily the good kind of Jealous-muchattention that you are seeking for. Jealousy is more often than not derived from lack of trust and various self-insecurities (Maybe because of previous life experiences or trauma? Psychological issues?). It will urge you to be possessive, be suspicious and in the long run threaten your relationship.

If you can’t trust your partner, why are you with them in the first place?
Issues related to jealousy and trust, will eat you from the inside. You’d become paranoid, with a feeling of abandonment… No relationship with these symptoms can end well.

It is a known fact that leading cause of spousal homicides are related to jealousy. 

On the other hand, your partner will feel badgered and frustrated because (s)he is not being trusted. All the mundane and constant questioning is tiring;
What are you doing?
Where are you?
Where are you going?
Who you’re going with?
These questions are demoralising, leaving the person without any personal space and feeling guilty.

jealous gf

It is okay that your partner wants some space, to do some things (s)he enjoys doing alone.
You can agree on an evening a week to spend apart, play that game you wanted to play, catch up with friends or go clothes shopping. I believe, it is important to have a life outside your relationship.

My advise:
1. Put yourself into his or her shoes – how would you feel if this jealousy issue was the other way round? Does your friend / partner deserve this?
2. Communicate your feelings constructively and without blaming the other person

Fire & Ice

fire and iceIn the moment
Whilst darkness caresses
the light

…and the light embraces
the darkness

I struggle to stay alight
leave thoughts behind.

Emotions in dire
my heart afire:

wondering
conflicting
constricting
refraining
from believing –
your eyes so cold
daunted, unbold.

________________________
//By Steffi ~

Self-Control

Lately I have been discussing this with a number of people, and some people seem to be in awe with regards to my will power. I still have some more to go, but I think I am almost there, on most aself_control_posterspects.

Self-control is a form of restraining yourself. Like everything else, restraining yourself in an exagerated way is wrong. Stopping eating altogether is bad, hiding entirely your feelings and emotions is also bad. One needs to learn to say no, when it’s enough. One bar of chocolate a day, is good enough. Stop letting people treating you like crap, or taking advantage of you.

Controlling your own behaviour would help you in both your personal life as well as at work.When you discipline yourself, you can plan better and finish within your deadline. Self-control helps you focus on your life and goals. On your journey.

These are a few tips I have learned along the way:

1. Look at the big picture – What do you want to achieve? How are you going to get there?
2. Remember the basics – Take it one step at a time, you will get there.
3. Don’t procrastinate – Focus
4. Love yourself – Respect yourself and it doesn’t hurt to reward yourself from time to time too!
5. Be confident – This i where I still struggle.
6. Rest – Don’t over do it. Make sure you get a good night sleep, so you can work harder the next day!